On today’s Fear facing action list we’ve got:
– The call
Called my boss and told him I was going to work from home, still sick. It still always scares me to make these phone calls, especially when I have to deliver “excuses”. My creative worst-case scenario brain always shapes a totally plausible reality to buy into – of course, the people I’m telling these things to think I’m lying. That I’m a bluff that only tries to do as little as possible.
I know I’m not that person, and that should be enough. But it’s not that easy.
However, when you say these things out loud, when you make yourself aware of the nonsense, you remove some of its power. If they don’t trust me, If they don’t believe me, then they’re no good to me anyways. As long as I live according to my moral values and standards and do what I believe is right, everything is alright.
– Doing what needs to be done
I have a big presentation coming up in Croatia in a couple of weeks. Ironically enough I’m going to be speaking about facing fears, yet I’m avoiding preparing for it like the plague because it scares me so much. To procrastinate is 100 % equal to run away from your fears. So I scheduled out 4 hours and sat down and did it (when I write this, I’m just about to get started. See you on the other side)
40 min in – It’s tough, really tough. My mind constantly tries to escape this place. All the time. I need to be aware of my reactive wandering brain. although I do get into moments of flow. My brain does not want to be in this uncomfortable place, it wants certainty. Food. Youtube. Food. Instagram. Facebook. Food. It wants to liberate me of the workload.
1,5 hours in – it’s getting better. Wander between moments of hell and amazing flow.
3 hours in – I’m enjoying it. I’ve got some momentum now. It’s a feeling of moving towards the end goal that makes me like it, but also the process of writing of creating something good. We must learn how to enjoy the process. Learn how to stand in the fear. Because it is only then we can realise that it has no real power over us. It’s all in our head. It’s only then we can make it sustainable. Either that, or make it such a deeply implemented routine that it eventually just happens automatically.
4 hours – I’m done! Not with everything, but for know. I’m almost intrigued to keep going. So proud, so energized, so, so.. Once again I proved that facing my fears was the exact thing I really needed to do. Another reference case to look back at. I could have so easily fallen into a reactive state, doing some low hanging fruit work tasks and being left with the anxiety of not having done what I should have done.
“To procrastinate is 100 % equal to run away from your fears”
New thing(s) – Doing something I haven’t done in at least 30 days
– Intermittent fasting
Use to do a whole lot of intermittent fasting, but lately, I’ve experimented with starting eating breakfast again. I don’t like my new habit and I havn’t done any real fasting for 30 days know. Or well I love the eating part, but it takes energy and focus from me. And I believe in the health benefits of the fast. But going back to being real hungry again is scary. Even though I know it’ll past if I just dare to stand in it, embrace it. Just like the fear. I warmed up yesterday with a 12 hour fast, and today I did a 16 hour fast. Loved it. More of it coming
See you tomorrow, #fearfacer,