The Practice Of Self-Acceptance – The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem – Weekly Challenge #66

In this video I talk about the importance of the practice of self-acceptance, how it’s key for building Self-esteem and how you should go about raising your level of acceptance in your life. It’s all based on my own experience of applying part two of the book Second pillar (from the book the Six Pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden ) – THE PRACTICE OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

Links I refer to in the video:

The Lies We Tell Ourselves – https://youtu.be/EgYtemS6aBk

Awareness Alone Is Curative: https://youtu.be/qKaRQNVrw2w

My first video I did on this chapter: https://youtu.be/RSt_QVKYmnI

Full audiobook (it’ll start exactly where this chapter begins):

https://youtu.be/mfFUVnwCNVY?t=1h11m48s

Link to the full text where I’ve posted some extract from this chapter from the book:

 

What & Why: Facing up to reality and tweak and adapts as a result of that in order to grow past your old state into an improved version of yourself. When you stop deceiving yourself from what is actually going on, your self-esteem will raise and you will start putting more faith in you actions and ability to make things happen – you will see the benefits of your changes, realise it’s all for the better and continue that growth journey.

EXTRACTS FROM THE BOOK:

“Without self-acceptance, self-esteem is impossible. In fact, it is so intimately bound up with self-esteem that one sometimes sees the two ideas confused. Yet they are different in meaning, and each needs to be understood in its own right. Whereas self-esteem is something we experience, self-acceptance is something we do. Stated in the negative, self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself. The concept has three levels of meaning, and we will consider each of them in turn.”

(The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p. 90, Nathaniel Branden.)

“The First Level

“To be self-accepting is to be on my own side-to be for myself. In the most fundamental sense, self-acceptance refers to an orientation of selfvalue and self-commitment that derives from the fact that I am alive and conscious. As such, it is more primitive than self-esteem. It is a prerational,<premoral act of self-affirmation-a kind of natural egoism that is the birthright of every human being and yet that we have the power to act against and nullify.

Some people are self-rejecting at so deep a level that no growth work can even begin until and unless this problem is addressed. If it is not, no treatment will hold, no new learning will be properly integrated, no significant advances can be made. Psychotherapists who do not understand

this problem or do not detect its presence will be baffled as to why certain clients, even after years of therapy, show no important improvement. Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself” (The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.90-91, Nathaniel Branden.)

The Second Level

“Self-acceptance entails our willingness to experience-that is, to make real to ourselves, without denial or evasion-that we think what we think, feel what we feel, desire what we desire, have done what we have done, and are what we are. It is . the refusal to regard any part of ourselves-our bodies, our emotions, our thoughts, our actions, our dreams-as alien, as “not me.” It is our willingness to experience rather than to disown whatever may be the facts of our being at a particular moment-to think our thoughts, own our feelings, be present to the reality of our behavior.”

“The willingness to experience and accept our feelings carries no implication that emotions are to have the last word on what we do. I may not be in the mood to work today; I can acknowledge my feelings, experience them, accept them-and then go to work. I will work with a clearer mind because I have not begun the day with selfdeception. ”

“If I am thinking these disturbing thoughts, I am thinking them; I accept the full reality of my experience. If I am feeling pain or anger or fear or inconvenient lust, I am feeling it-what is true, is true-I do not rationalize, deny, or attempt to explain away. I am feeling what I am feeling and I accept the reality of my experience. If I have taken actions of which I am later ashamed, the fact remains that I have taken them that is reality-and I do not twist my brain to make facts disappear. I am willing to stand still in the presence of what I know to be true. What is, is.”

“To “accept” is more than simply to “acknowledge” or “admit.” It is to experience, stand in the presence of, contemplate the reality of, absorb. into my consciousness. I need to open myself to and fully experience unwanted emotions, not just perfunctorily recognize them. For example,

suppose my wife asks me, “How are you feeling?” and I answer in a tense, distracted manner, “Rotten.” Then she says sympathetically, “I see that you are really feeling depressed today.” Then I sigh, the tension begins to flow out of my body, and in an altogether different (one of voice-the voice of someone who is now real to himself-I say, “Yes, I am feeling miserable, really miserable,” and then I begin to talk about what is bothering me. When, with my body tensed to resist the experience of my feelings, I had answered “Rotten,” I was denying my emotion at the same time that I was acknowledging it. My wife’s sympathetic response helped me to experience it, which cleared the way for me to begin to deal with it. Experiencing our feelings has direct healing power.”

“I can acknowledge some fact and move on with such speed that I only  imagine I am practicing self-acceptance; I am really practicing denial and self-deception. Suppose my supervisor is trying to explain why something I have done on the job was a mistake. She speaks benevolently and without recriminations, and yet I am irritable, impatient, and wish she would stop talking and go away. While she is talking, I am obliged to stay with the reality of having made an error. When she is gone I can banish the reality from my consciousness – I admitted my mistake, isn’t that enough? – wich increases the likelihood that I will make the error, or one like it, again.” (The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.92-93, Nathaniel Branden.)

Self-acceptance is the precondition of change and growth. Thus, if I am confronted with a mistake I have made, in accepting that it is mine I am free to learn from it and to do better in the future. I cannot learn from a mistake I cannot accept having made.

If I refuse to accept that often I live unconsciously, how will I learn to live more consciously? If I refuse to accept that often I live irresponsibly, how will I learn to live more responsibly? If I refuse to accept that often I live passively, how will I learn to live more actively? I cannot overcome a fear whose reality I deny. I cannot correct a problem in the way I deal with my associates if I will not admit it exists. I cannot change traits I insist I do not have. I cannot forgive myself for an action I will not acknowledge having taken.  A client once became angry with me when I attempted to explain these ideas to her. “How do you expect me to accept my abysmally low level of self-esteem?” she demanded indignantly. “If you do not accept the reality of where you are now, “I answered, “how do you imagine you can begin to change?” To understand this point, we must remind ourselves that “accepting” does not necessarily mean “liking,” “enjoying,” or “condoning.” I can accept what is-and be determined to evolve from there. It is not acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck. I cannot be truly for myself, cannot build self-esteem, if I cannot accept myself. (The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p. 93, Nathaniel Branden.)

The Third Level

Self-acceptance entails the idea of compassion, of being a friend to myself. Suppose I have done something that I regret, or of which I am ashamed, and for which ‘I reproach myself. Self-acceptance does not deny reality, does not argue that what is wrong is really all right, but it inquires into the context in which the action was taken. It wants to understand the why. It wants to know why something that is wrong or inappropriate felt desirable or appropriate or even necessary at the time.

We do not understand another human being when we know only that what he or she did is wrong, unkind, destructive, or whatever. We need to know the internal considerations that prompted the behavior. There is always some context in which the most offensive actions can have their own kind of sense. This does not mean they are justified, only that they can be understandable. I can condemn some action I have taken and still have compassionate interest in the motives that prompted it. I can still be a friend to myself. This has nothing to do with alibiing, rationalizing, or avoiding responsibility. After! take responsibility for what I have done, I can go deeper into the context. A good friend might say to me, “This was unworthy of you. Now tell me, What made it feel like a good idea, or at least a defensible one?” This is what I can say to myself. (The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.94, Nathaniel Branden.)

 

The Objectives of this week:

#3: Check in at yourself – pause what you’re doing and raise your level of awareness – at least five times a day and apply this method:

“Both accepting and disowning are implemented through a combination of mental and physical processes. The act of experiencing and accepting our emotions is implemented through (1) focusing on the feeling or emotion, (2) breathing gently and deeply, allowing muscles to relax, allowing the feeling to be felt, and (3) making real that this is my feeling (which we call owning it). ” )

AND DON’T DO THIS:

“In contrast, we deny and disown our emotions when we 0) avoid awareness of their reality, (2) constrict our breathing and tighten our muscles to cut off or numb feeling, and (3) disassociate ourselves from our own experience (in which state we are often unable to recognize our feelings). When we allow ourselves to experience our emotions and accept them, sometimes this allows us to move to a deeper level of awareness where important information presents itself.

And then the next step is to do some reflection and root cause analysis concerning your feelings and emotions – what has triggered it, what are the facts, how would your ideal self react? DON’T go hard on your-self, be your own best friend, things happen, we do mistakes – it’s human. Shame will never solve anything, it only worsen the situation. But GUILD is good, that means it’s a behaviour we can change.

(The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.94, Nathaniel Branden.)

 

#2: Sentence completion exercise

Sentence Completions to Facilitate Self-Acceptance

“As rapidly as possible, without pausing for reflection, write as many endings for that sentence as you can in two or three minutes (never fewer than six, but ten is enough). Do not worry if your endings are literally true, make sense, or are “profound.” Write anything, but write something.”

“What follows is a five-week sentence-completion program designed to facilitate self-acceptance. It is more detailed than the exercises offered for the other pillars because, having taught these ideas for many years, I find that people often have more difficulty fully grasping self-acceptance than any other practice I recommend

Notice that I include stems dealing with issues I have not explicitly discussed, such as accepting conflicts or accepting excitement. For example, if I can accept my conflicts, I can deal with them and move toward resolving them; and if not, not. If I can accept my excitement, I can live it, I can look for appropriate outlets; if I am afraid of my excitement and try to extinguish it, I may kill the best part of myself. Fairly complex ideas are embedded in these stems. They bear studying and thinking about, and they entail many more implications than I can explore here.

MORNINGS:

Self-acceptance to me means-

If I am more accepting of my body-

When I deny and disown my body-

If I am more accepting of my conflicts-

EVENINGS:

When I deny or disown my conflicts-

If I am more accepting of my feelings-

When I deny and disown my feelings-

If I am more accepting of my thoughts-

When I deny and disown my thoughts-

On the weekends, read over you have written and then write six to ten endings for If any of what I have written is true, it would be helpful if l -. “

( The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.85, 101, Nathaniel Branden)

 

#3 – The mirror exercise

“Stand in front of a full-length mirror and look at your face and body. Notice your feelings as you do so. I am asking you to focus not on your clothes or your makeup but on you. Notice if this is difficult or makes you

uncomfortable. It is good to do this exercise naked. You will probably like some parts of what you set; more than others. If you are like most people, you will find some parts difficult to look at for long because they agitate or displease you. In your eyes there may be a pain you do not want to confront. Perhaps you are too fat or too thin. Perhaps there is some aspect of your body you so dislike that you can hardly bear to keep looking at it. Perhaps you see signs of age and cannot bear to stay connected with the thoughts and emotions these signs evoke. So the impulse is to escape, to flee from awareness, to reject, deny, disown aspects of your self.

Still, as an experiment, I ask you to stay focused on your image in the mirror a few moments longer, and say to yourself, “Whatever my defects or  Imperfections, I accept myself unreservedly and completely.” Stay focused, breathe deeply, and say this over and over again for a minute or two without rushing the process. Allow yourself to experience fully the meaning of your words. You may find yourself protesting, “But I don’t like certain things about my body, so how can I accept them unreservedly and completely?” But remember: “Accepting”does not necessarily mean “liking.” “Accepting” does not mean we cannot imagine or wish for changes or improvements. It means experiencing, without denial or avoidance, that a fact is a fact. In this case, it means accepting that the face and body in the mirror are your face and body and that they are what they are. If you persist, if you surrender to the reality of what is, if you surrender to awareness (which is what “accepting” ultimately means), you may notice that you have begun to relax a bit and perhaps feel more comfortable with yourself, and more real. Even though you may not like or enjoy everything you see when you look in the mirror, you are still able to say, “Right now, that’s me. And I don’t deny the fact. I accept it.” That is respect for reality.”

(The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.95, Nathaniel Branden)

GOOD LUCK!

 

/Alexander Nilsson

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Music :

SIA – CHANDELIER (piano instrumental cover) by Benny Martin Piano is licensed under a  Creative Commons License.

Source: https://soundcloud.com/pianoman_weddings/sia-chandelier-piano-instrumental-cover

License: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Rejection Therapy Week 9 – How to overcome Your Fears & build Self-Esteem – WC#65

It’s time for week 9 of Rejection Therapy to build Self-esteem – exposing ourselves to situations, with a specific question or request in mind, that most likely will get us rejected! We do this to desensitize ourselves from the fear of getting turned down- imprinting the association in our brains that a NO will only make us stronger! But also, building self-esteem by designing these challenges so they align with your values believes and GOAS – going after the things you want in life!

This week is a little bit special, because I’ve chosen to focus all my rejection therapy challenges in one life are:  RELEATIONSHIPS – Girls, that is. I need to give this area more attention, and one of things I’ve learnt the last year is that if you want something, you give that one thing all your attention.

So what does that mean for you? Well, either you do as me and focus in the challenges on one area you need/want to develop, like social skills, or you just do five random challenges as the previous weeks!

The Objectives:

–  5 Rejection Therapy Challenges throughout the week!

The Rules:

1# The request’s/question’s need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.

2# That means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes.

Some tips along the way:

  • Plan what you are going to do and say – or at least have the overall gameplay outlined! Unclarity will be a reason to hesitate when you are about to do what you are going to do – that’s my own experience!
  • Don’t let time play with you psyche, the longer you wait with the approach, the worse it’s going to get. JUST DO IT!
  • Remember, that no matter how shitty you feel before you do it, the reward that awaits you on the other side, will greatly make up for that!

 

Watch my previous 8 weeks of Rejection Therapy:

Week 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxEVmwWsaHw

Week 2:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUTocnY8Mxs

Week 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anw0keWIf-8

Week 4: https://youtu.be/GFHK7O5DrxI?list=PLxw2jMXwRfskSFEl6sI9PzjgMUBZogiGG

Week 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od3M1x6UDCs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsmwkP3SvSSK7cegXB4eutFg

Week 6: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aGxvi5qw1A&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskKqy6INIjOFJDJI8_jPAE1

Week 7: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T1I6j_04xs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsluXabU_1_o4ucowiz118gG

Week 8: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM1GPDsP-18&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsl7LL_1QfrV_G0AU35o5YWS

A playlists with some videos on Rejection Therapy and tips related to it:

 

Jia Jiang’s 100 days of Rejection Therapy ( The guy who inspired me to start this)

http://rejectiontherapy.com/100-days-of-rejection-therapy/

 

Are you up for the challenge? Let me know what kind of rejection challenges you plan to do – and if you’ve already done it – tell me how it went!

 

/Alexander

 

 

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Posting schedule:

SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge

WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays

FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

 

SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/user/alexanderSnilsson?sub_confirmation=1

 

YOU FIND ME AT:

Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com

Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenils/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils

Snapchat: alenils

 

/With Love, Alexander

 

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Watch my latest week challenge: “Being Conscious & Mindful – How to Raise Your Self-Esteem – Six Pillars of Self-Esteem By N. Branden”

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The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem – Living consciously

 

The practice of Living Consciously – Weekly Challenge #64

In this video my goal is to explain what Consciousness is and why it is the most important thing you can do to grow your Self-Esteem – but also why a high level of consciousness and Self-esteem is so incredibly important if you truly want to live a great life.

“Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.”

All this material is based on the book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden, and the six pillars of Self-esteem are:

  1. The Practice of Living Consciously
  2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
  3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
  4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
  5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
  6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

What is Self-Esteem?

“Self-esteem, fully realized, is the experience that we are appropriate to life and to the requirements of life. More specifically, self-esteem is:

  1. confidence in our ability to think, confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life; and .
  2. confidence in our right to be successful and happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and enjoy the fruits of our efforts. (1995, Branden, p. 4)

To sum up in a formal definition:

Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness.” (1995, Branden, p. 7)

 Or the more condensed spin to it that I refer to in the video:

 “What determines the level of self-esteem is what the individual does.”

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: Pillar one – The practice of living consciously – Extracts from the book

To live consciously means to seek to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values, and goals-to the best of our ability, whatever that ability may ~and to behave in accordance with that which we see and know.” (1995, Branden, p. 69)

“Why is consciousness so important? Because for all species that possess it, consciousness is the basic tool of survival-the ability to be aware of the environment in some form, at some level, and to guide action accordingly. I use consciousness here in its primary meaning: the state of being conscious or aware of some aspect of reality. We also may speak of consciousness as a faculty-the attribute of being able to be aware. To the distinctively human form of consciousness, with its capacity for concept formation and abstract thought, we give the name mind. As we have discussed, we are beings for whom consciousness (at the conceptual level) is volitional. This means that the design of our nature contains an extraordinary option-that of seeking awareness or not bothering (or actively avoiding it), seeking truth or not bothering (or actively avoiding it), focusing our mind or not bothering (or choosing to drop to a lower level of consciousness). In other words, we have the option of exercising our powers or of subverting our means of survival and well-being. This capacity for self-management is our glory and, at times, our burden. Our mind is our basic tool of survival. Betray it and self-esteem suffers.

If we do not bring an appropriate level of consciousness to our activities, if we do not live mindfully, the inevitable penalty is a diminished sense of self-efficacy and self-respect. We cannot feel competent and worthy while conducting our lives in a mental fog. Our mind is our basic tool of survival. Betray it and self-esteem suffers. The simplest form of this betrayal is the evasion of discomfiting facts. (1995, Branden, p. 67-68)

 “The Specifics of living Consciously Living consciously entails:

  • A mind that is active rather than passive.
  • An intelligence that takes joy in its own function.
  • Being “in the moment,” without losing the wider context.
  • Reaching out toward relevant facts rather than withdrawing from them.
  • Being concerned to distinguish among facts, interpretations, and emotions.
  • Noticing and confronting my impulses to avoid or deny painful or threatening realities.
  • Being concerned to know “where I am” relative to my various (personal and professional) goals and projects, and whether I am succeeding or failing.
  • Being concerned to know if my actions are in alignment with my purposes.
  • Searching for feedback from the environment so as to adjust or correct my course when necessary.
  • Persevering in the attempt to understand in spite of difficulties.
  • Being receptive to new knowledge and willing to reexamine old assumptions.
  • Being willing to see and correct mistakes.
  • Seeking always to expand awareness-a commitment to learning therefore, a commitment to growth as a way of life.
  • A concern to understand the world around me.
  • A concern to know not only external reality but also internal reality, the reality of my needs, feelings, aspirations, and motives, so that I am not a stranger or a mystery to myself.
  • A concern to be aware of the values that move and guide me, as well as their roots, so that I am not ruled by values I have irrationally adopted or uncritically accepted from others.”

(Branden, p.72)

The Objectives:

#1 – Raising your level of consciousness

Set the alarm on your phone, 5 times a day, for instance 10, 12, 14, 16, 18 as a minimum ( I do it every our every time my watch beeps ).  What are you experiencing right now, how are you feeling, what emotions and thoughts are within you; good, bad, sad, enthusiastic, loneliness, hunger – and why? Is it something subconsciously that happened a while back or is what is happening in front of you at this moment that is affecting your current state. Writing a journal where you can reflect and reason with your self is SUCH A GREAT TOOL for your personal development – I can’t stress enough the power that lies within it.

Here’s a very nice guide to rising your level of consciousness and being mindful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01Pfs3VuizM

Or a shorter alterative guide that is shorter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01Pfs3VuizM

 #2 – Meditation

Finding 10 minutes a day to practice meditation. Just sitting down, closing your eyes and trying to be aware. This link will get you striagh to a very nice Meditation For Beginners guide by Leo Gura ( really recommend it) https://youtu.be/fXmG1x1ih1U?t=5m14s

The following is a transcript from this video:

this is called the no manipulation technique. so try right now sit there. as you’re sitting don’t try to put yourself into some sort of meditative position or posture any posture position you take is fine and just sit and notice and be aware, just observe and watch, all these words like aware, be observant ,watch, notice these are all synonymous so just sit there and notice what’s happening right this very second in direct experience. right this moment, not a minute before, not ten minutes later, not what I’m going to say next right now. so you’re hearing the sound of my voice maybe you’re, you’re looking at me if you’re watching this on video and you’re feeling some emotions in your body… thoughts might be coming up for you so do this right now and just train your mind on that and try to stick with it no manipulation means that you don’t manipulate your body or your posture, you just let it go natural and whatever it wants to do let it do it this includes your mind. so let your mind go natural – so if your mind wants to think perverted thoughts, let it think pretty thoughts and if it wants to judge let it judge and if it wants to go crazy and get angry and upset and all this let it do that and if it wants to experience some emotion like sadness or happiness or excitement or frustration let it experience that emotion Whatever is occurring for you. Don’t try to experience anything because you already are experiencing. there’s never a moment when you’re not experiencing unless maybe when you’re deep asleep, but if you’re awake then there’s never a moment you don’t have an experience, so that’s it your meditation is focused on that this right now this right now experience right here okay. so do it do it right now while I’m talking you don’t need to be in a quiet environment to meditate you don’t need to sit alone by yourself, I mean it helps, that’s a good place to start. especially if you’re a beginner but you can do it right now is I’m talking. notice that you don’t need a fancy position you don’t need to manipulate your breathing. that’s it. that’s the whole method”

Or a shorter alterative guide that is shorter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01Pfs3VuizM

#3 – Sentence completion excercise

Thirdly, if it’s not too much, do the sentence completion exercise as described from the book:

“Living consciously to me means –

Then, as rapidly as possible, without pausing for reflection, write as many endings for that sentence as you can in two or three minutes (never fewer than six, but ten is enough). Do not worry if your endings are literally true, make sense, or are “profound.” Write anything, but write something.

Then, go on to the next stem: If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my activities today-

(Why only 5 percent? Let us proceed in small, nonintimidating, “bitesizechews.” Besides, most of the time 5 percent is plenty!)

Then: If I pay more attention to how· I deal with people today-

Then: If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my most important relationships-

Then: If I bring 5 percent more awareness to (fill in a particular problem you are concerned about-for example, your relationship with someone, or a barrier you’ve hit at work, or your feelings of anxiety or depression) –

When you are finished, proceed with your day’s business. At the end of the day, as your last task before dinner, do six to ten endings each for the following stems:

When I reflect on how I would feel if I lived more consciously-

When I reflect what happens when I bring 5 percent more awareness to my activities-

When I reflect on what happens when I bring 5 percent more awareness to my most important relationships-

When I reflect on what happens when I bring 5 percent more awareness to (whatever you’ve filled in)-

Do this exercise every day, Monday through Friday for the first week. Do not read what you wrote the day before. Naturally there will be many repetitions. But also, new endings will inevitably occur. You are energizing all of your psyche to work for you.

Sometime each weekend, reread what you have written for the week, and then write a minimum of six endings for this stem:

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it would be helpful if 1-

 In doing this work, the ideal is to empty your mind of any expectations concerning what will happen or what is “supposed” to happen. Do not impose any demands on the situation. Try to empty your mind of expectations.

Do the exercise, go about your day’s activities, and merely notice any differences in how you feel or how you operate. You will discover that you have set in motion forces that make it virtually impossible foryou to avoid operating more consciously.”

( The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.85, Nathaniel Branden)

That is it for this week’s challenge – good luck and commit to me in the comments if you plan to do it – it will give you an extra push to follow through when motivation is lacking!

/Alexander

 

 

Rejection Therapy Week 8

It’s time for week 8 of Rejection Therapy to build Self-esteem – exposing ourselves to situations, with a specific question or request in mind, that most likely will get us rejected! We do this to desensitize ourselves from the fear of getting turned down- imprinting the association in our brains that a NO will only make us stronger! But also, building self-esteem by designing these challenges to they align with your values believes and GOAS – going after the things you want in life! So the Objectives are:

–  5 Rejection Therapy Challenges, one each day, Monday through Friday

The Rules:

1# The requests/questions need to align with your goals, values and beliefs, if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral code or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem! (read the Six Pillars of Self-Esteem or watch my other videos on this topic)

2# This also means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, than try to manipulate your way to a yes. It’s cheating!

Some tips along the way:

  • Plan what you are going to do and say; unclarity will make you more likely to hesitate and talk yourself out of it.
  • Don’t let time play with you psyche, the longer you wait with the approach, the worse it’s going to get. At least in the beginning when you are starting out, eventually you want to reach a state where you can be present with the fear. But especially when starting out – JUST DO IT!
  • Remember, that no matter how shitty you feel before you do it, the reward that awaits you on the other side, will greatly make up for that! Some days will be great and some day will be pure crap. It’s very contextual, and how you look after yourself on a basic level will for sure affect your results; sleep deprived, blood sugar dip, clouded mind, etc. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

Watch my first 7 weeks of Rejection Therapy Challenges:

Week 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxEVmwWsaHw

Week 2:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUTocnY8Mxs

Week 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anw0keWIf-8

Week 4: https://youtu.be/GFHK7O5DrxI?list=PLxw2jMXwRfskSFEl6sI9PzjgMUBZogiGG

Week 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od3M1x6UDCs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsmwkP3SvSSK7cegXB4eutFg

Week 6: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aGxvi5qw1A&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskKqy6INIjOFJDJI8_jPAE1

Week 7: https://youtu.be/-T1I6j_04xs?list=PLxw2jMXwRfsmpE3CrAQ620fcaYgEuBEy8

A playlists with some videos on Rejection Therapy and tips related to it:

 

Jia Jiang’s 100 days of Rejection Therapy (The guy who inspired me to start)

100 Days of Rejection

Posting schedule:

SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge

WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays

FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

 

Music: Released by:

www.soundotcom.com

Ho Hey – (100% FREE DOWNLOAD) – Royalty Free Music | Dance Pop Upbeat Fashion by Royalty Free Music is licensed under a  Creative Commons License.

License: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://soundcloud.com/royalty-free-music-soundotcom/ho-hey-100-free-download-royalty-free-music-dance-pop-upbeat-fashion

 

Why put in such an effort to grow every day? Because it’s so got damn fun and brings a purpose to life that is hard to beat.

SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/user/alexanderSnilsson?sub_confirmation=1

YOU FIND ME AT:

Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com

Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenils/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils

Snapchat: alenils

 

/With Love, Alexander