Week Challenge: Remembering People’s Names – WC#36

Week Challenge: Remembering people’s names – wc#36

“A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language” that’s from Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People. And you know it is true, if you use this in a balanced and efficient way, it is one of those details that will make people know that you care.

If you’ve been following me lately you now I’ve been reading dale Carnegies classic masterpiece How to win friend and influence people. Honestly, I don’t know how many thought leaders and experts have referenced their learning to this book. In part two of this book, called “Six ways to make people like you”  Carnegies outlines 6 principles for how to make people like you;

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  3. Be a good listener. …
  4. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  5. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Now I’m properly going to be doing a lot from this book, but remembering peoples name is a fun practice and easy to measure, but above all; it’s a pain point for us. Because you’ve all been there way too many times, that awkwardness that occurs when you need to remember the name of the person you just said hello to a few minutes ago, yet you now have no idea. And on the other side of the spectra, when it’s all good, you create a memorable impression, making people realise that you are the kind of person that cares, takes notice and put in the effort to remember their name. You are the kind of person that they will remember.

Think about it, isn’t it worth to invest a few hours for a week to establish a habit that will help relive you from stress and anxiety and make all your social interactions more enjoyable? For me that’s a no brainer, and that’s why this week’s challenge is going be all about remembering people’s names, and by the end of the week should have learned at least ten person’s new names – but most important; founded a lifelong habit of never again forgetting a person’s name again.

On a bigger scale, social skills are just overwhelmingly great for us. I think people that like to be lonely (I am one of them) partly love that because it’s convenient it’s certainty, no risk, you know what you get; that’s a state we like to be at. But speaking from my own experience, I also know that when I push myself to grow these experiences, when I challenge myself to go out and socialise, and do so in what define as successful manner – I love it, deeply.

The last six months I’ve been notoriously writing down my five top moments of the day every evening, and what I’ve come to realize is that 80% of these moments I can attribute to a social interaction. And that comes from a person that always have claimed that I like being alone, am an introvert person, and that being around people sucks all energy out of me.  And that is still true, but not to the same extend. When we develop our social skills, when we learn that it is a skill, a method we can learn and make autonomous, it becomes more fun, it becomes more daunting. It’s like riding a bike, of course it’s a huge effort when we haven’t learned how to do it yet, but soon it becomes more and more effortless. Unless we decide to constantly push ourselves, because we also learn that if we want new kicks and challenges, we need to develop our skills, try out some mountain trails, intervals, meeting new people in new context. That’s the beauty of it, we decide how far we want to take it. It’s all up to you, but remember, relationships and feeling connection to people – love – is properly the strongest and most powerful feeling we can attain in live. If you’re willing to work for it, the pay of is like nothing you’d ever could imagine.

How are we going to do this?

Now there’s a number of different techniques for how to remember people’s names, and I’ve actually done videos on this previously which explained the model we are going to use created by Ron White. It’s a very straight forward five step process:

“1. Focus – your brain. When walking towards the person ask yourself, ‘What is their name?’ This will focus your brain

  1. File – Select an outstanding feature on their face (big eyes, beard, scar, etc)
  2. Picture – Create a picture for their name (Brian = brain, Lisa = Mona Lisa, etc). Get my pictures for names at link above. This is a big step in learning how to remember names
  3. Glue – Imagine the picture for their name on the outstanding feature of their face with action and emotion
  4. Review – review, review. Ask yourself, ‘Who did I meet today?’”

However, for this video I did some more research and found another memory expert named Jim Kwik which had his own system, although very similar, but with some good tweaks too it which I’d like to add:

  1. Start with repeating the name instantly when you say hello, “hello Mike, nice to meet you”
  2. During the conversation, try to say the person’s name 3-4 times, depending on the length of the conversation. Beware, don’t overdo it!
  3. End the conversation with saying the person’s name one last time, “it was nice meeting you Mike”

Now not everybody gets the opportunity to meet ten new people throughout a week, or most of us properly do, but we just don’t care enough to ask what the name of these persons are. I’m talking about the everyday people you meet during you commute, when your shopping, or talking to the seven eleven cashier that hands you your coffee (green tea). Now, you have the opportunity to make this challenge as hard or as easy as you want to, because most of these people have name tags easily readable to you – that’s one way! Or you can just practice approaching new people in a public environment and take this opportunity to practice some talking skills as well. That’s what I’m going to do!  You decide on what level you want to do this.

The objectives:

So the objectives are to talk to peoples who’s name you don’t know, and apply some memory technique of your choosing, so you by the end of the week are able to recall all of them effortlessly! But most important, this is about establishing a long lasting system so you’ll never again forget a persons name!

I strongly believe in the spill over effect, because in the grand scheme of all social skills, remembering people’s names is not in the top of that list, but it’s a quite fun challenge to play around with, and if we get started with something we think is fun, it will make the transfer to adjacent skills much more likely. It’s like when we start doing physical training, it spills over to living a healthier lifestyle overall; eating sleeping etc.

I like these challenges that are really direct and easy to realise if we’ve done them or not. I hope you are in the mood for it as well. If you want to make sure you are going to follow through, commit to me in the comments and let me know you’re going to do the challenge – social accountability increases the likelihood of following through a ton!

Thank you for reading, much love

/Alexander

Links to material I’ve based this on:

Ron Whites video who I learnt it from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8weFiPGFObk

Jim Kwik which has a similar model which I also took inspiration from:

http://fatburningman.com/jim-kwik-10-simple-tricks-to-boost-brain-power-upgrade-your-memory/#

Doing the things that never gets done – Weekly Challenge #35

 

Hey guys & welcome to this week’s challenge – Doing the things that never gets done!

I’ll get straight to the point, we are going to make things happen this week, doing the things that we know we should do, but never get around to do. It’s so easy to get caught up in our everyday life; in a reactive state just dealing with what’s beneath our nose. Yet we all have these things that we want to, should do, or maybe have to do. Still, it just never seems to happen. However, it does drain us on energy and makes us feel bad about ourselves for not taking action. But that’ll change this week! Our objectives are to make three of these thing happen, small or big things, it’s up to you! But I recommend you to take on those things that has been cluttering your mind day in and day out lately, no matter of daunting it may seem. Or if it’s just a big pile of laundry eyeballing you every day,

So that’s it, preferably schedule three things today which you are going to do some time this week before Friday. Where, how and when – Be as specific as you can and put it in your calendar!

 

ALTOUGH, before you get into planning mode, I want you to get crystal clear with your WHY – the reason for why you’re actually should do these things. Get to the bottom of it, what’s the true reason behind it? Is there even one? Maybe you shouldn’t invest your valuable time in it, ben then make a distinct decision about that, and move on with your life! Or if it is, visualise all the good things that it will result in, and feel yourself being deeply motivated to do this!

Also, when it comes down to the planning, brake down your BIG task into small actionable doings. If you’re starting a new training regime, what’s the first thing you need to do to move yourself forwards in that project? Buy a pair of jogging shoes; find what gym you should start at? Make that thought process, and you’ll find it’s much easier to get started – which for most of us is the hardest part!

Good luck, and commit to me in the comments if you’re going to do this challenge – let me know what you plan to do in the week:)

 

See you in the vlog!

 

/Alexander

 

 

 

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Posting schedule:

SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge

WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays

FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

 

Join us, raise your standards, and start the journey to become the person you’ve always wanted to be,

 

SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/user/alexanderSnilsson?sub_confirmation=1

 

YOU FIND ME AT:

Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com

Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils

Snapchat: alenils

 

/With Love, Alexander

Talking to strangers – Time for the weekly Challenge #34

 

first

Time for the weekly Challenge #34 – Talking to strangers

And it’s as straight forward as it can be – talk to 10 strangers whom you’ve never talked to before.

Why, you may ask? And I’ll answer – Because it’s such a great skill to be able to talk with anybody, anywhere. To not feel anxiety or nervousness for striking up a conversation with some random person at the street; someone you may be attractive to, a friendly face or maybe a famous person that you’d like to get to know. If you can learn how to do this, you’ll have a much easier time doing it when it comes to an environment when you may be forced to in another way– a party, business event or any other kind of social event you are attending. Plus, it’s really fun when you lose that anxious feeling and you realise that it doesn’t you in anyway – it only makes you stronger!

So the objectives are as follows:

Talk to ten new people you’ve never talked to before. As longs as you approach someone and speak a sentence, you can count it in. But if you are to count people you meet in stores or other service environments, you have to make some kind of extra effort to count them; not just saying thank you polite. Then again, you decide how hard you want to make this challenge.

  • One last thing, I really encourage you to not overthink your approaches, play by the three second rule (when you see a person you want to talk to, count to three and then just do it). Time i your worst enemy when approaching new people. Makes you talk yourself out of doing it. And secondly, I really would like for you to have some failed approaches, awkwardness, rejection, you know what I’m talking about. it is such a good learning to get used to that – rejection – I want you to realize that it won’t kill you, it will only make you stronger, if you let it. There will always be people out there that won´t like you, that’s just the reality we’re living in. And the sooner you can live with that, the better your social game will be.

So go out there, talk to new people, fail, talk to some more, but above all, have fun doing it! J

P.S This was actually one of the first challenges I put together ( https://youtu.be/uwFwjXdEn6w ). But it’s time to go at it again, because a gained skill will only remain so if it’s refreshed once and a while. Plus, no one will a perfect the art of speaking to strangers in a week – it’s a lifelong practiceJ

 

See you in the vlog guys!

 

/Alexander

 

Some talking to strangers motivation & tips:

http://ideas.ted.com/how-to-talk-to-strangers/?utm_campaign=social&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_content=ideas-blog&utm_term=humanities

 

 

 

 

 

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Posting schedule:

SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge

WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays

FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

 

Join us, raise your standards, and start the journey to become the person you’ve always wanted to be,

 

SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/user/alexanderSnilsson?sub_confirmation=1

 

YOU FIND ME AT:

Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com

Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenils/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils

Snapchat: alenils

 

/With Love, Alexander

 

Weekly Challenge#33 – Being Vulnerable

 

Hey Guys and welcome to yet another weekly 5-day Challenge – number 33 – being vulnerable!

This week we are going to be vulnerable – respecting ourselves to the degree that we dare to show our true selves and show compassion and empathy. Loving and get loved. It’s scary, yet we have so much to gain from it.

Now this is a quite big topic, and it could actually be divided into many smaller challenges, but I want to introduce you to the concept on more general level, so hopefully I’ve compromised well. Ideally you will get inspired to read Brené Browns books on the topic – the researcher that has inspired this challenge.

So last week I listened to the second audiobook by Brown – Rising Strong –  which is focused on how to rise from those moments when we feel shame, hurt or just confused. Often making up the worst kind of story that the world is conspiring against us. But this challenge will focus in more on her first book; understanding vulnerability and shame & and the practical applications related to that.

WHAT we can do become more vulnerable and WHY should we?  First, the meaning of vulnerability in Brown’s own words:

“I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. With that definition in mind, let’s think about love. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow—that’s vulnerability.”

“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”

― Brené BrownDaring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

I’m not going to go much deeper into this, in this text. However, there are some great TEDtalks by Brown, which i included some of the most important parts of in my video: https://youtu.be/OdzLJBZQuyM . Also, I do recommend you to read/ listen to booth these books as they can fundamentally change you as a person.

If you already feel motivated enough; this week is going to be about showing up as our true selves, putting our thoughts, ideas and creations out there. Dare to be seen, dare step out to uncertainty naked for all people to see us, even though anything can happen. Acting like we should have done if shame, fear, pride or perfectionism didn’t hold us back.

Being vulnerable – The Objectives:

  • Daring to speak your mind! For instance, if you’re having a discussion at the lunch table; say what you really think and don’t just sit silent or agree with the others because it’s convenient. Speak your mind – be true to yourself – risk putting yourself in a situation where you can be questioned or even laughed at! Because it’s the right thing to do.
  • Don’t numb your emotions, allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling – & share your emotions. Express your true feelings to the people you care for; if you love someone – tell them that, if you think someone is caring and loving – tell them that, put it out there!

These are the main task of the week, but if you feel hungry for more you can also practice:

  • Being creative – dance, play, create some music, make art, draw a picture, post a Instagram picture, do some knitting – basically any kind of creative expression that let your inner child out!
  • Being rejected – go flirt with some people, putting ourselves in a vulnerable position with a rather high risk of being shot down. Realising that everybody can’t like everybody, it’s good insightful to realize that you survive getting turned down.
  • Asking for help – to reach out and ask someone for could be really scary, not only because we can get a no, but many of us live in this imagination world where we can manage do everything on our own (I’m one of those persons).
  • Practice gratitude daily – for instance, start every morning with writing down five things your grateful for (didn’t include this in the first video, but I’ll be talking more about this in the week vlog)

Remember, whatever happens – you are enough – always love yourself unconditionally.

Good luck with the 5-day challenge, and don’t forget to commit to me in the comments – it will dramatically increase the chances of you actually doing it!

 

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Posting schedule:

SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge

WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays

FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

 

Join us, raise your standards, and start the journey to become the person you’ve always wanted to be,

 

SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/user/alexanderSnilsson?sub_confirmation=1

 

YOU FIND ME AT:

Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com

Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenils/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils

Snapchat: alenils

 

/With Love, Alexander