Conclusion: The Seventh Pillar of Self-Esteem

 

How to Build Self-Esteem – Practicing The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem & Pitfalls – Weekly Challenge #62

Now as stated throughout this process – we constantly have been talking about the six pillars of Self-Esteem, yet there is a seventh semi-pillar that Nathaniel Branden closes his book with. What is this seventh pillar you might ask? Even though it’s not explicitly stated, it’s about the complete integration of the six pillars. What dangerous and traps that stand between us and living and growing a true self-esteem.

Now in this last – very short 2,5 pagers long – chapter Branden talks about finding that Hero within and makes sure to – at least – on an overall level see to that the “right” actions we take outnumber the “wrong” ones. But before addressing that, I’m briefly going to remind you of the definition of self-esteem and the six pillars that facilitate growth of it:

 “Self-esteem, fully realized, is the experience that we are appropriate to life and to the requirements of life. More specifically, self-esteem is:

  1. confidence in our ability to think, confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life; and .
  2. confidence in our right to be successful and happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and enjoy the fruits of our efforts. (1995, Branden, p. 4)

To sum up in a formal definition:

Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness.” (1995, Branden, p. 7)

THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM ARE:

  1. The Practice of Living Consciously
  2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
  3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
  4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
  5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
  6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

So again, being your own hero- what does that mean? Basically, it’s about choosing the right path in life, even though it is a path that requires way more effort and action in comparison to the path of least resistance. To be conscious, requires an active choice not to let external sources capitate/highjack your consciousness.

“It means a willingness-and a will-to live the six practices when to do so may not be easy” (1995, Branden, p.4)

The thing is, this is always easy in theory, but when we’re are standing there facing the action of choosing action, it’s not so easy anymore. Because one thing all the six pillars have in common – is the requirement of active action – “The six pillars all entail choice”. Which in contrast mean that passivity results in opposite effect of what we seek – a higher self-esteem.

 

Relaxing in the bed or sofa for a couple of hours? I’d call that laziness.

This brings us to the first of the two enemies of Self-esteem – LAZINESS;

“Laziness” is not a term we ordinarily encounter in books on psychology. And yet, is anyone unaware that sometimes we fail ourselves for no reason other than the disinclination to generate the effort of an appropriate response? (In 1be Psychology of Self-Esteem, I called this phenomenon “antieffort.”) Sometimes, of course, laziness is abetted by fatigue; but not necessarily. Sometimes we are just lazy; meaning we do not challenge inertia, we do not choose to awaken.”  (1995, Branden, p. 303)

The second Enemy of Self-Esteem is the fear of PAIN;

“The other dragon we may need to slay is the impulse to avoid discomfort. Living consciously may obligate us to confront our fears; it may bring us into contact with unresolved pain. Self-acceptance may require that

we make real to ourselves thoughts, feelings, or actions that disturb our equilibrium; it may shake up our “official” self-concept. Self-responsibility obliges us to face our ultimate aloneness; it demands that we relinquish fantasies of a rescuer. Self-assertiveness entails the courage to be authentic, with no guarantee of how others will respond; it means that we risk being ourselves. Living purposefully pulls us out of passivity

into the demanding life of high focus; it requires that we be self-generators. Living with integrity demands that we choose our values and stand by them, whether this is pleasant and whether others share our convictions; there are times when it demands hard choices. Taking the long view, it is easy to see that high-self-esteem people are happier than low-self-esteem people. Self-esteem is the best predictor of happiness we have. But in the short term, self-esteem requires the willingness to endure discomfort when that is what one’s spiritual growth entails.” (1995, Branden, p. 303)

In practice, this all translates to us not taking the appropriate action to build self-esteem as that not often is a path that entails pain or discomfort. Standing up for one’s values and believes may mean opposing someone’s else’s, which can be tuff for a person that are used to always please everybody. Every time we take an active action in the directions that the six pillars speaks of, we build self-esteem. Hence, this explain the tremendous power in the Rejection Therapy challenges, I’ve been doing in parallel of going through these pillars. Constantly doing things that aligns with our believes values and goals, pushing ourselves to what is uncomfortable, and then reap the reward of that. The feeling of doing what you know is right for you, and that sweet adrenaline rush as an instant reward, creating that t habit loop of a repetitive behaviour imprinted in your brain – resulting in a higher self-esteem.

How we act when we are passive – a state that most persons live life by:

“First, we avoid what we need to look at because we do not want to feel pain. Then our avoidance produces further problems for us, which we also do not want to look at because they evoke pain. Then the new avoidance produces additional problems we do not care to examine-and so on. Layer of avoidance is piled on layer of avoidance, disowned pain on disowned pain.” (1995, Branden, p. 303)

How we should act to promote healthy Self-Esteem:

“First, we decide that our self-esteem and our happiness matter more than shortterm discomfort or pain. We take baby steps at being more conscious, self-accepting, responsible, and so on. We notice that when we do this we like ourselves more. This inspires us to push on and attempt to go farther. We become more truthful with ourselves and others. Self-esteem rises. We take on harder assignments. We feel a little tougher, a little more resourceful. It becomes easier to confront discomfiting emotions and threatening situations; we feel we have more assets with which to cope. We become more self-assertive. We feel stronger. We are building the spiritual equivalent of a muscle. Experiencing ourselves as more powerful, we see difficulties in more realistic perspective. We may never be entirely free of fear or pain, but they have lessened immeasurably, and we are not intimidated by them. Integrity feels less threatening and more natural.” (1995, Branden, p. 303-304)

Branden speaks of taking this path, but doing so in a manner that entails as little pain or struggle as possible, but still reaching the same outcome. He emphasis that this pain doesn’t have any value on its own, if it can be avoided – avoid it. You can peele the skin of an apple with your nails, yet the same result can be achieved with a peeler within a fraction of the time and effort required by using your hands. We must be smart about our strategies to build self-esteem, and we must adopt a mindset that facilitates our reactions, thoughts and emotions as a result of our actions.

“…doing what is difficult but necessary need not be “a big thing.” We do not have to catastrophize fear or discomfort. We can accept them as part of life, face them and deal with them as best we can, and keep moving in the direction of our best possibilities.

But always, will is needed. Perseverance is needed. Courage is needed. The energy for this commitment can only come from the love we have for our own life. This love is the beginning of virtue. It is the launching pad for our highest and noblest aspirations. It is the motive power that drives the six pillars. It is the seventh pillar of self-esteem” (1995, Branden, p.304)

The Objectives:

#1- Integrate all the practices, now if this is your first ever contact with this book, I recommend you to start with the first pillar ( link the the first video I did here: https://youtu.be/HUBNby50D4M ). Or you can try to take in the intuitive meaning of these pillars, think about what they mean and apply and practice that. Because the overall focus of the week is be aware of the enemies of self-esteem LAIZNESS and avoidance of PAIN, by actively being observant ( PILLAR OF LIVING CONSIOYSSLUY ) and act against them, taking the appropriate action and daring to face those fears! That is the main challenge of this week. If you want to listen to the audiobook, link here: https://youtu.be/mfFUVnwCNVY . It’s a bit shorter compared to the textbook, but still gives you what you need to hear!

#2 – Also, I want you to go through a little exercise to motivate you to really build that self-esteem, when something requires prolonged action, it’s a necessity that we are firmly grounded in our reasons for why we are actually doing something. As Brandon said “But always, will is needed. Perseverance is needed. Courage is needed. The energy for this commitment can only come from the love we have for our own life.” And it’s a good practice to go through why you have a love for your own life, and why you owe it to yourself to develop your self-esteem to a new level. That is what will give you that will, perseverance and courage when times are tuff. When pain is present.

TONY –  If you want change, you have to associate more pleasure than pain to doing it. Here’s Tony’s Recipe for long-term change:

Write down as many reasons as possible (5-10) for each of these:

  1. Why you must Change:
  2. Why you can change:
  3. Create 10 positive associations that change will bring

The third step intentionally skipped: Coming up with a few Interrupting patterns,  here’s a link to Tony himself explaining the process if you want the step explained as well: https://youtu.be/YpY5FO5qoNo?t=2h8m52s

#3 – Thirdly, if it’s not too much, I’m going to be doing sentence completion exercise, as previously described, to focus in on the pillars. This week I’ll be having six stem sentence pillars, one for every pillar, to finish every morning and evening;

“When working with sentence completion on your own, you can use a notebook, typewriter, or computer. (An acceptable alternative is to do the sentence completions into a tape recorder, in which case you keep repeating the stem into a recorder, each time completing it with a difference ending, and pliy the work back later to reflect on it.)

First thing in the morning, before proceeding to the day’s business, sit and write the following stem:

If I bring more awareness to my life today-

Then, as rapidly as possible, without pausing for reflection, write as many endings for that sentence as you can in two or three minutes (never fewer than six and ten is enough).

Do not worry if your endings are literally true, or make sense, or are “profound.” Write anything, but write something. “ (1995, Branden, p. 309-310)

 

The sentences:

If I bring more awareness to my life today-

Self-acceptance to me means-

Self-responsibility to me means-

Self-assertiveness to me means-

So that is it! I wish you good luck, don’t miss out on the vlog during the week!

 

Rejection Therapy – How to Build Self-Esteem & Overcome your Fears – Weekly Challenge #61

https://www.youtube.com/edit?video_id=-T1I6j_04xs

Time for week 7 of Rejection Therapy to build Self-esteem – exposing ourselves to situations, with a specific request or question in mind, that most likely will get us rejected! We do this to desensitize ourselves from fear of getting turned down, taking a no! But also, building self-esteem by going after the things we want in life – doing what we truly want! Because everything that comes out of YOUR mouth, should be something you can stand for, something that aligns with your beliefs, values and goals!

Rejection Therapy – How to Build Self-Esteem & Overcome your Fears – Weekly Challenge #61 – LOVE YOUR GROWTH AND EMBRACE FAILURE!

Watch my first 6 weeks of Rejection Therapy I’ve done so far:
Playlist to my Rejection Therapy Challenges videos:
Week 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxEVmwWsaHw
Week 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUTocnY8Mxs
Week 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anw0keWIf-8
Week 4: https://youtu.be/GFHK7O5DrxI?list=PLxw2jMXwRfskSFEl6sI9PzjgMUBZogiGG
Week 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od3M1x6UDCs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsmwkP3SvSSK7cegXB4eutFg
Week 6: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aGxvi5qw1A&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskKqy6INIjOFJDJI8_jPAE1
The Objectives:
– 5 Rejection Therapy Challenges throughout the week!

The Rules:
1# The request’s/question’s need to align with your goals/beliefs, if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.

2# That means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes.
Some tips along the way:
· Plan out what you are going to do and say; unclarity will be a reason to hesitate when you are about to do what you are going to do – that’s my own experience!
· Don’t let time play with you psyche, the longer you wait with the approach, the worse it’s going to get. JUST DO IT!
· Remember, that no matter how shitty you feel before you do it, the reward that awaits you on the other side, will greatly make up for that!
A playlists with some videos on Rejection Therapy:

Jia Jiang’s 100 days of Rejection Therapy ( The guy who inspired me to start)

100 Days of Rejection

Posting schedule:
SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge
WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays
FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

Why put in such an effort to grow every day? Because it’s so got damn fun and brings a purpose to life that is hard to beat.

SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/user/alexanderSnilsson?sub_confirmation=1

YOU FIND ME AT:
Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com
Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenils/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils
Snapchat: alenils

/With Love, Alexander

Pillar 6: The Practice of Personal Integrity

This week’s challenge is all about Building Self-Esteem through the lense of PERSONAL INTEGRITY. It is the sixth pillar from the book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem writen by Nathaniel Branden. Every other week I do Rejection Therapy Challenges and in between I go all in on the theoretical part of how to go about building Self-Esteem.

“Integrity is the integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs—and behavior. When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and  practice match up, we have integrity.

Observe that before the issue of integrity can even be raised we need principles of behavior—moral  convictions about what is and is not appropriate—judgments about right and wrong action. If we do not yet hold standards, we are on too low a developmental rung even to be accused of hypocrisy. In such a case, our problems are too severe to be described merely as lack of integrity.”

“The practice of personal integrity. It’s the sixth and final pillar of self-esteem. Without it, the preceding practices “disintegrate.”

(Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, 1995)

WHAT DO DO WHEN YOU’VE ACTED IN A BAD WAY:

”Let us think about guilt and how it can be resolved in situations where we are personally responsible. Generally speaking, five steps are needed to restore one’s sense of integrity with regard to a particular breach.”

  1. We must own the fact that it is we who have taken the particular action. We must face and accept the full reality of what we have done, without disowning or avoidance. We own, we accept, we take responsibility.
  2. We seek to understand why we did what we did. We do this compassionately (as discussed under the practice of self-acceptance), but without evasive alibiing.
  3. If others are involved, as they often are, we acknowledge explicitly to the relevant person or persons the harm we have done. We convey our understanding of the consequences of our behavior. We acknowledge how they have been affected by us. We convey understanding of their feelings.
  4. We take any and all actions available that might make amends for or minimize the harm we have done.
  5. We firmly commit ourselves to behaving differently in the future .

(Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, p. 148-149, link to audiobook: https://youtu.be/mfFUVnwCNVY?t=2h18m25s)

Link to the videos I talk about:

Link to Audiobook The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem – Chapter: the practice of personal integrity: https://youtu.be/mfFUVnwCNVY?t=2h9m40s

Awareness Alone Is Curative – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKaRQNVrw2w&t=3s

Brene Brown on Shame vs. Guilt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0

The Objectives are:

Besides the obvious of focusing in on trying to be true to your inner self, and acting in congruence with your moral, values and believes, you should do the following sentence exercise morning and evening, Monday through Friday. Also, try practicing meditation along with the daily awareness/mindfulness Lastly, for me it is absolutely key to journal throughout the week so I can reflect and analyse concerning the focus area at hand.

“Sentence Completions to Facilitate the Practice of Integrity

If we examine our lives, we may notice that our practice of integrity exhibits inconsistencies. There are areas here we practice it more and areas where we practice it less. Rather than evade this fact, it is useful to explore it. It is worthwhile to consider: What stands in the way of my practicing integrity in every area of my life? What would happen if I lived my values consistently?

Here are sentence stems that can aid the process of exploration:

Integrity to me means-

If I think about the areas where I find it difficult to practice full integrity-

If I bring a higher level of consciousness to the areas where I find it difficult to practice full integrity-

If I bring 5 percent more integrity into my life-

If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my work-

If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my relationships-

If I remain loyal to the values I truly believe are right-

If I refuse to live by values I do not respect-

If I treat my self-esteem as a high priority-

A suggestion: Work with the first four of these stems for the first week, and the second four the following week.

On the weekends work with the stem: If any of what I am writing is true, it might be helpful if I-.

If you choose to bring a high level of awareness to what you produce, you may discover that living with greater integrity has become more realizable.”

(Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, p. 148-149)

 

Watch my first 5 weeks of Rejection Therapy I’ve done so far; playlist links below:

Week 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxEVmwWsaHw

Week 2:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUTocnY8Mxs

Week 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anw0keWIf-8

Week 4: https://youtu.be/GFHK7O5DrxI?list=PLxw2jMXwRfskSFEl6sI9PzjgMUBZogiGG

Week 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od3M1x6UDCs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsmwkP3SvSSK7cegXB4eutFg

Week 6: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aGxvi5qw1A&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskKqy6INIjOFJDJI8_jPAE1

 

MUSIC in this video:

Wings – Acoustic Guitar Background Music by Nicolai Heidlas Music is licensed under a  Creative Commons License.

License: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Source: https://soundcloud.com/nicolai-heidlas/wings-acoustic-guitar-background-music

 

Good Luck Guys, and commit to me in the comments if you plan to do this challenge!

 

——————–

 

Posting schedule:

SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge

WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays

FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

 

Why put in such an effort to grow every day? Because it’s so got damn fun and brings a purpose to life that is hard to beat.

 

SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/user/alexanderSnilsson?sub_confirmation=1

 

YOU FIND ME AT:

Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com

Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenils/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils

Snapchat: alenils

 

/With Love, Alexander

 

-~-~~-~~~-~~-~-

Pillar 5: The Practice of Living Purposefully – Weekly Challenge #58

In this video I’ll go through the basics concept for why purposeful living is tremendously important. We look at it from the perspective of building self-esteem, as that is the overall long-term goal. That means The Six pillars of self-esteem is what are the basis for most of the thoughts expressed in the video.

So, can you start with this pillar? Sure you can to get going but, because you’re not starting at zero. So of course, will you improve your self-esteem id if you do this challenge. But all I can say is that if you want to make a true self-esteem building journey, you can’t stress it and every pillar needs its attention. Take the time to go through one pillar each week, as that is what I’ve done and I can vouch for the result of doing so – it will transform your life.  So please join me this week, even if this is your first meeting with me or with this book. 

In the video I’m not going to go through all the details from the book, instead I focus in on what I made out the core message from this pillar to be. That is; having a clear purpose and direction in life, and making sure that you are working in an effective way to take you there; to have a vison broken down to smaller more attainable goals and to regular evaluate yourself to make sure you are progressing in an effective manner; course correcting and tweaking if necessary.

But, if you want some more details from the book, the following text presents my favourite passages from the chapter The Practice of Living Purposefully in the book The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem  (1995, P. 129-142 ).

“Living purposefully is a fundamental orientation that applies to every aspect of our existence. It means that we live and act by intention. It is a distinguishing characteristic of those who enjoy a high level of control over their life.”

“To live purposefully is to use our powers for the attainment of goals we have selected: the goal of studying, of raising a family, of earning a living, of starting a new business, of bringing a new product into the marketplace, of solving a scientific problem, of building a vacation home, of sustaining a happy romantic relationship. It is our goals that lead us forward, that call on the exercise of our faculties, that energize our existence.”

“What living Purposefully Entails as a way of operating in the world, the practice of living purposefully entails the following core issues. Taking responsibility for formulating one’s goals and purposes consciously. Being concerned to identify the actions necessary to achieve one’s goals. Monitoring behaviour to check that it is in alignment with one’s goals. Paying attention to the outcomes of one’s actions, to know whether they are leading where one wants to go.”

“To observe that the practice of living purposefully is essential to fully realized self-esteem should not be understood to mean that the measure of an individual’s worth is his or her external achievements. We sadmire achievements-in others and in ourselves-and it is natural and appropriate for us to do so. But this is not the same thing as saying that our achievements are the measure or grounds of our self-esteem. The root of our self-esteem is not our achievements but those internally generated practices that, among other things, make it possible for us to achieve–all the self-esteem virtues we are discussing here.”

“To live purposefully is to use our powers for the attainment of goals we have selected”

Productivity & Purpose

“To live purposefully is, among other things, to live productively, which is a necessity of making ourselves competent to life. Productivity is the act of supporting our existence by translating ‘our thoughts into reality, of setting our goals and working for their  achievement, of bringing knowledge, goods, or services into existence.”

“Nor is it the kind of work selected that is important, provided the work is not intrinsically antilife, but whether a person seeks work that offers an outlet for his or her intelligence, if the opportunity to do so exists.”

“Purposeful men and women set productive goals commensurate with their abilities, or try to. One of the ways their self-concept reveals itself is in the kind of purposes they set. Granted some deciphering may be necessary because of the complexities of private contexts, if we know the kind of goals people choose, we can know a good deal about their vision of themselves and about what they think is possible and appropriate to them.” 

Efficacy and Purpose

“It is easier for people to understand these ideas as applied to work than to personal relationships. That may be why more people make a success of their work life than of their marriages.”

“The purposes that move us need to be specific if they are to be realized. I cannot organize my behavior optimally if my goal is merely “to do my best.” The assignment is too vague. My goal needs to be: to exercise on the treadmill for thirty minutes four times a week; to complete my (precisely defined) task within ten days; to communicate to my team at our next meeting exactly what the project requires; to earn a specific sum of money in commissions by the end of the year; to achieve a specific market niche by a specific means by a specific target date. With such specificity, I am able to monitor my progress, compare intentions with results, modify my strategy or my tactics in response to new information, and be accountable for the results I produce.

To live purposefully is to be concerned with these questions: What am I trying to achieve? How am I trying to achieve it? Why do I think these means are appropriate? Does the feedback from the environment convey that I am succeeding or failing? Is there new information that I need to consider? Do I need to make adjustments in my course, or in my strategy, or in my practices? Do my goals and purposes need to be rethought? Thus, to live purposefully means to live at a high level of consciousness.”

 Self-Discipline

“To live purposefully and productively requires that we cultivate within ourselves a capacity for self-discipline. Self-discipline is the ability to organize our behavior over time in the service of specific tasks. No one can feel competent to cope with the challenges of life who is without the capacity for self-discipline. Self-discipline requires the ability to defer immediate gratification in the service of a remote goal. This is the ability to project consequences into the future-to think, plan, and live long-range. Neither an individual nor a business can function effectively, let alone flourish, in the absence of this practice.” 

  • “Taking responsibility for formulating one’s goals and purposes consciously. If we are to be in control of our own life, we need to know what we want and where we wish to go. We need to be concerned with such questions as: What do I want for myself in five, ten, twenty years? What do I want my life to add up to? What do I want to accomplish professionally? What do I want in the area of personal relationships? If I wish to marry, why? What is my purpose?“

 

  • “Being concerned to identify the actions necessary to achieve ones Goals”

 

  • “Monitoring behavior to check that it is in alignment with one’s goals”

 

  • “Paying attention to the outcomes of one’s actions, to know whether they are leading where one wants to go.”

 

  • “The root of our self-esteem is not our achievements but those internally generated practices that, among other things, make it possible for us to achieve.”

The objectives:

OBJECTIVE#1 – Sentence completion exercise
o These are meant to be done, morning and evening, writing at least 6 sentences per stem-sentence, choose at least 4 sentences to complete morning and evening. You may feel some resistance to do it (that has been my own experience from the previous pillars) but every time it has awaken a focus and an awareness around the topic which has followed me throughout the days. So just find a time and a place when you decide to do this, it won’t happen if you don’t plan and schedule it. For me the train commute to/from work or the bike warm up on the gym has been the time and place for it to happen.

Sentence-Completions to Facilitate Living Purposefully

“Here are some stems that my clients find helpful in deepening their understanding of the ideas we have been discussing.

Living purposefully to me means-
If I bring 5 percent more purposefulness to my life today-
If I operate with 5 percent more purposefulness at work-
If I am 5 percent more purposeful in my communications-
If I bring 5 percent more purposefulness to my relationships at work-
If I operate 5 percent more purposefully in my marriage-
If I operate 5 percent more purposefully with my children-
If I operate 5 percent more purposefully with my friends-
If I am 5 percent more purposeful about my deepest yearnings-
If I am 5 percent more purposeful about taking care of my needs
If I took more responsibility for fulfilling my wants-
If any of what I have been writing is true, it might be helpful if I-“

– P.143, Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.

OBJECTIVE#2 – Goalsetting
Sit down and try to find one area to start focusing in on, too much at once and you’ll get overwhelmed. Actually it is a big topic, and I’ve done extensive weekly challenges on this topic before. But so for this week, just find one area and start there! For instance, give your health some attention, “I’m going to do at least 30 min of walking or any kind of movement every day”

OBJECTIVE#3 Working productively (establishing habits)

OBJECTIVE#4 – DO A WEEKL REVIEW

OBJECTIVE#5 – Track your week in a journal – log, reflect and empty your mind

Link to full audiobook, it’ll start where this chapter starts: https://youtu.be/mfFUVnwCNVY?t=1h54m14s

PRODUCTIVITY Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxw2jMXwRfsl1cvqFBFEdyJE6lWNJY00P

My Rejection Therapy Challenges:
Week 5:
Ask Random People for Spanish Phrases – https://youtu.be/SMGvpFH6nHA
Cold approaching and flirting with random girls Part 1 – https://youtu.be/32Z7AI4l0dY
Approach a Girl and ask for a Date Part 2 – https://youtu.be/32Z7AI4l0dY
Approach a Girl and ask for a Date Part 3 – https://youtu.be/xB9gjwOfEaI
Asking Swedish Girls what they look for in a Guy – https://youtu.be/54OHSqgWLZs

My other Rejection Therapy Challenges:
Week 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxEVmwWsaHw
Week 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUTocnY8Mxs
Week 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anw0keWIf-8
Week 4: https://youtu.be/GFHK7O5DrxI?list=PLxw2jMXwRfskSFEl6sI9PzjgMUBZogiGG

Music in this episode:
“Acoustic guitar arrangement for song 3” and “Acoustic guitar arrangement for song 2” by TRow is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
License: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Source: https://soundcloud.com/megatrev/acoustic-arrangement-for-song-3

 

Good Luck!

/Alexander

Rejection Therapy Week 5 – How to Embrace Failure & Grow Self-Esteem

 

Time for week 5 of Rejection Therapy to build Self-esteem – exposing ourselves to situations, with a specific request or question in mind, that most likely will get us rejected! We do this to desensitize ourselves from fear of getting turned down, taking a no! But also, building self-esteem by going after the things we want in life – doing what we truly want! Because everything that comes out of YOUR mouth, should be something you can stand for, something that aligns with your beliefs, values and goals!

– LOVE YOUR GROWTH AND EMBRACE FAILURE!

Watch my first 4 weeks of Rejection Therapy I’ve done so far:

Playlist to my Rejection Therapy Challenges videos:

Week 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxEVmwWsaHw
Week 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUTocnY8Mxs
Week 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anw0keWIf-8
Week 4: https://youtu.be/GFHK7O5DrxI?list=PLxw2jMXwRfskSFEl6sI9PzjgMUBZogiGG

The Objectives are:
· 5 Rejection Therapy Challenges throughout the week!
The Rules:
1# The request’s/question’s need to align with your goals/beliefs, if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.
2# That means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes.
Some tips along the way:
· Plan out what you are going to do and say; unclarity will be a reason to hesitate when you are about to do what you are going to do – that’s my own experience!
· Don’t let time play with you psyche, the longer you wait with the approach, the worse it’s going to get. JUST DO IT!
· Remember, that no matter how shitty you feel before you do it, the reward that awaits you on the other side, will greatly make up for that!

I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK!

IF you want to hear me talk more about rejection theraphy, watch my other introductionary videos for every week of rejection therapy I’ve done:

Music:

Golden Ocean – Free Positive Guitar Background Music by Nicolai Heidlas Music is licensed under a  Creative Commons License.
Source: Nicolai Heidlas Music

How to Build Self-Esteem – The Practice of Self-Assertiveness

 

This week’s personal development challenge throws us in to the fourth pillar of Self-Esteem: The Practice of Self-Assertiveness – from the Book The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem By Nathaniel Branden. That means we are all about standing up for ourselves;
“Self-assertiveness means honoring my wants, needs, and values and
seeking appropriate forms of their expression in reality…
… Self-assertion does not mean belligerence or inappropriate aggressiveness; it does not mean pushing to the front of the line or knocking other people over; it does not mean upholding my own rights while being blind or indifferent to everyone else’s. It simply means the willingness to stand up for myself, to be who I am openly, to treat myself with respect in all human encounters. It means the refusal to fake my person to be liked.”
(Branden, 1995, p.118)
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How to build Self-Esteem – The practice of Self-assertiveness (The six pillars of self-esteem)
Link to the full audiobook – The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem By Nathaniel Branden
( You’ll start right where this chapter begins) :

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The Objectives:
#1 Sentence Completions to Facilitate Self-Assertiveness
Here are sentence stems that can facilitate reaching a deeper understanding
of self-assertiveness, as well as energizing its practice.

Self-assertiveness to me means-
If I lived 5 percent more self-assertively today-
If someone had told me my wants were important-
If I had the courage to treat my wants as important-

And on the weekend. after rereading the week’s stems, write six to ten endings for If any of what I have been writing is true, it might be helpful if I-.
Of course there are other ways to work with these stems. In my self-esteem groups, for instance, we might work with all the stems on this list in one three-hour session, speaking our endings aloud, then discussing our endings and their action-implications”

Good luck Guys, and if there are any questions – just write them in the comments section below!

/Alexander

Here’s some links to some other videos which discuss the Self-assertiveness:
Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden – Insights & Perspectives (Part 6) https://youtu.be/x3HjlNeHLhs

HOW TO RAISE YOUR SELF ESTEEM – Six Pillars Of Self Esteem Animated Book Summary https://youtu.be/P70E2vQlczY?t=5m9s

HOW TO BUILD SELF ESTEEM – THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM BY NATHANIEL BRANDEN ANIMATED BOOK REVIEW https://youtu.be/dhuabY4DmEo?t=3m10s

10 Best Ideas | THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM | Nathaniel Branden | Book Summary https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh6MflkPPjQ&t=1s
MUSIC:
Golden Ocean – Free Positive Guitar Background Music by Nicolai Heidlas Music is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
LICENSE: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Soundcloud: @nicolai-heidlas

Posting schedule:
SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge
WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays
FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

Why put in such an effort to grow every day? Because it’s so got damn fun and brings a purpose to life that is hard to beat.

SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/user/alexanderSnilsson?sub_confirmation=1

YOU FIND ME AT:
Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com
Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenils/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils
Snapchat: alenils

/With Love, Alexander

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Watch the latest weekly challenge!: ” How to live a purposeful life – The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem – Weekly Challenge #58″

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