Facing 3 Social Fears of Yours

New Week, new GROWTH challenge. Are you a bit introverted? Perhaps having some trouble being social; rather just sit at home in your comfort zone like me? Well, then maybe you should put in an effort this week and make some changes!

I’m going to push myself into three social events, so I can take three steps closer to live how i truly want to live. Collecting New Experiences and having fun with great people! Because that won’t happen if I keep spending all my time at home, in front of the computer, eating, paralyzed by my fears. Weather I chose to admit it or not.

The Frame work We apply:

The idea of it is very simple, the execution not so much. “Facing fear challenges” means that we are to expose ourselves to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that puts us out of our comfort zone! For instance, approaching a girl, doing some flirting & asking for a date. Or perhaps just striking up a random conversation, with a random person or a group of persons!

The great thing with these challenges is that it’s a win-win no matter the outcome, as long as we pull the trigger! We put up a goal, and then we go after it and by doing so building self-esteem. So just this very action, approaching, asking the question makes us have our first Victory! That means we need to do things that align with your values beliefs or goals, which is the first out of the two rules we have. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life is the number one action you can take to build self-esteem. TACKING ACTION.

The result is that we desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, that moves us forward in life. If we do this over and over again you start to shape a sustainable awesome habit (The Habit Loop).

But don’t get me wrong, the fear doesn’t disappear, at least not for me, but the fear starts to work as a trigger – a cue – for us that makes our dopamine craving brain shine up like a firework on new year’s eve.  The fear becomes that que that we should start doing our routine – pushing through the fear – so we can get to the reward, that sense of proudness for doing what we sat out to do. An explosion of adrenaline and good feeling hormones.

GOOD LUCK; & commit to me in the comments, it’ll help you a lot. Trust me. Social responsibility makes all the difference.

/Alexander


Posting schedule:

SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge

WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays

FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

SUBSCRIBE: https://www.youtube.com/user/alexanderSnilsson?sub_confirmation=1

YOU FIND ME AT:

Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com

Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenils/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils

Snapchat: alenils

 

/With Love, Alexander

Facing Fears – 20 minutes of building rapport

Hey Guys! It’s time to commit to a new weekly challenge and face those fears of yours, taking control of what’s consciously or sub consciously runs the show. You now that show where you’re the lead star, it’s called YOUR LIFE!

Imagine yourself not FEARLESS, but a fear tamer. Being able to live with fear, embrace fear, utilize it to your advantage. Imagine being able to do exactly what you truly wanted, living the kind of life you want to live. That’s my quest, and that’s what I each day try to work towards, and been doing so actively for a while now. It’s a long journey, but I’m enjoying the heck out of it, and mostly I can feel the daily growth.

Before letting you in on the details, here’s the very basics of what we are supposed to do. First of we think of an area we want to give some extra attention to, then we come up with an action, question/request that we can do that exposes us to rejection/puts us in a state of fear. And then we go do that thing! It’s as simple as that – in theory. Reality is a different story.

Last week I tried the quantity approach – saying Hi to 77 Girls. That failed miserably, although I for sure faced some fears of mine, but just not as many as I wanted to. But what also stroke me, was that it didn’t feel achievable so I almost gave up before starting it! So I thought I’d flip the steak this time and take on the quality approach instead!

The idea is simple, I’m going to have an overall goal of talking to girls for a total amount of 20 minutes. The goal is to develop my social skills and the ability to connect and create rapport with a girl I’m interested in. Can I make it?

Well, I’m hoping so! As always, putting out the challenge is fun and exciting, executing is a different story…

We’ll just have to wait and see to find out and see how it goes!

Commit to med down in the comments if you want some extra pressure to follow through on your objectives, and don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss out on the videos I’ll be posting.

/Alexander

 

A more detail explanation of the Facing Fear Framework works:

The idea of it is very simple, the execution not so much. “Facing fear challenges” means that we are to expose ourselves to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that puts you out of your comfort zone! For instance, approaching a girl, doing some flirting asking for a date.

The great thing with these challenges is that it’s a win win no matter the outcome, as long as we pull the trigger! We put up a goal, and then we go after it and by doing so building self-esteem. So just this very action, approaching, asking the question makes us have our first Victory! That means we need to do things that align with your values beliefs or goals, which is the first out of the two rules we have. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life is the number one action you can take to build self-esteem. TACKING ACTION.

The result is that we desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, that moves us forward in life!

If you do this over and over again you start to shape a sustainable awesome habit (The Habit Loop).

Because don’t get me wrong, the fear doesn’t disappear, at least not for me, but the fear starts to work as a trigger – a cue – for us that makes our dopamine craving brain shine up like a firework on new year’s eve.  The fear becomes that que that we should start doing our routine – pushing through the fear – so we can get to the reward, that sense of proudness for doing what we sat out to do. An explosion of adrenaline and good feeling hormones.

 

Facing Your Fears – 77 GIRLS

Hey guys! Time for a new weekly challenge, and once again it’s time to face our social fears so we can free ourselves from the fear that paralyses us. Holds us down. Hindering us from living the life we want. For me, the area of girls has been the most suffering field, And I’m sick and tired of the fear hindering me from meeting the girls – living the life I want to live – I’ve had it! That’s why I’m on a quest do desensitize myself from these cuffs.

No last time my challenge in this area was to approach seven 7 girls in order to get a date. And that was fun, and I really felt that shifted in to a new world. But I also got some feedback from you guys saying that 7 girls is nothing. One guy actually said he’d approached 100 girls, and 2 of those led to a date.

So that’s why my quest this week is to face 77 fears of mine. Before i tell you what I mean by that, let me refresh you of what we’re doing here and the rules we play by.

The idea of it is very simple, the execution not so much. “Facing fear challenges” means that we are to expose ourselves to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that puts you out of your comfort zone! For instance, approaching a girl, doing some flirting asking for a date.

The great thing with these challenges is that it’s a win win no matter the outcome, as long as we pull the trigger! We put up a goal, and then we go after it and by doing so building self-esteem. So just this very action, approaching, asking the question makes us have our first Victory! That means we need to do things that align with your values beliefs or goals, which is the first out of the two rules we have. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life is the number one action you can take to build self-esteem. TACKING ACTION.

The result is that we desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, that moves us forward in life!

If you do this over and over again you start to shape a sustainable awesome habit (The Habit Loop).

Because don’t get me wrong, the fear doesn’t disappear, at least not for me, but the fear starts to work as a trigger – a cue – for us that makes our dopamine craving brain shine up like a firework on new year’s eve.  The fear becomes that que that we should start doing our routine – pushing through the fear – so we can get to the reward, that sense of proudness for doing what we sat out to do. An explosion of adrenaline and good feeling hormones.

The objectives:

——————

Monday through Friday do at least one daily social push. You can either specify the area or action or you can . Like the relationship area – approaching and flirting with girls. Or any other small social pushes, like starting to talk to people in the grocery store or asking people for the time – it’s up to you! But remember that you should continuously push yourself out of your GROWING comfort zone.

Being unspecified in your challenge means looking for opportunities throughout the day and act when you see one. This requires a higher level of awareness and being alert to the surroundings.  I’d say you’ll reach a better outcome if you plan ahead, because then you know what to look for and it’s not as easy to escape into every day happenings.  it could for instance be approaching and talking to a person each day.

OR, like I’m going to be doing. Saying hi to 77 girls. Yepp. I’m going to go all in on quantity and not quality, trying to lower the barrier to ignite that first connection with a girl.

The rules:

1# The action/request/question need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.

#2 You’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes. Honesty is key to building self-esteem

So, you decide what level you want to take this to! I’d love to hear your story down there in the comments, and if f you want that extra push, make sure to commit to be, and you’ll think twice before bailing on yourself!

Make sure to subscribe so you won’t miss the next video!

/Alex

 

MUSIC:

Artist: Nicolai Heidlas

Title: On And On

[90 BPM] ‘ON AND ON’ – Upbeat Instrumental Pop Background Music by Nicolai Heidlas Music is licensed under a  Creative Commons License.   (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ )

Source: https://soundcloud.com/nicolai-heidlas/90-bpm-on-and-on-upbeat-instrumental-pop-background-music

—————————–

Check out my previous 16 weeks of Rejection Therapy / Facing Fear Challenges:

Week 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxEVmwWsaHw

Week 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUTocnY8Mxs

Week 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anw0keWIf-8

Week 4: https://youtu.be/GFHK7O5DrxI?list=PLxw2jMXwRfskSFEl6sI9PzjgMUBZogiGG

Week 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od3M1x6UDCs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsmwkP3SvSSK7cegXB4eutFg

Week 6: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aGxvi5qw1A&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskKqy6INIjOFJDJI8_jPAE1

Week 7: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T1I6j_04xs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsluXabU_1_o4ucowiz118gG

Week 8: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM1GPDsP-18&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsl7LL_1QfrV_G0AU35o5YWS

Week 9: https://youtu.be/m-gx1cmBGH8?list=PLxw2jMXwRfsnYfBFiRZid3g3KhSGDvOaS

Week 10: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrKk416Sh4I&list=PLxw2jMXwRfslj5Eq20SWAcd6GPLU-sfRH

Week 11: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrSOXiOYKr0&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsn9NHLgWJWCdV1l89LqACFR

Week 12: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsT4SXifA8o&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsnoM1TBnJzmnKTBRUmgRY1y

Week 13: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxw2jMXwRfslhlXAcVvgpt1yWVTtY_5bz

Week 14: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Mh8BTFpwU&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskIc-kuuQr4XiNk6n4vefmf

Week 15: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Mh8BTFpwU&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskIc-kuuQr4XiNk6n4vefmf

Week 16: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Fg9ZZUAUtQ&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsnmU2GPTV0VtCGYV10_o8mi

 

————————

Posting schedule:

SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge

WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays

FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

 

YOU FIND ME AT:

Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com

Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenils/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils

Snapchat: alenils

 

Developing a high level of Consciousness – Weekly Challenge #81

Hey Guys! In this video I’m going to tell you one simple way to increase your ability to face your fears and do what needs to be done. Not escaping those small moments that adds up and ends up having a major impact on your path in life. You now those moments. When you have something you really should be doing, but you just escape that action because it’s so uncomfortable. THAT CAN BE AVOIDED! And the key is to develop a high level of consciousness – being able to stay aware and present in all situation. Although it do requires a whole lot of focused practice. PRACITICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!

How do I know? Well I’ve been doing it seriously since the beginning of this year, and the results are just amazing. It makes acting as your ideal version of yourself – a whole lot more easier ( not saying it’s easy ).

How do we do it? Well there are different ways to go about, but what I’ve found to help the most is to JOURNAL – frequently. As often as you can when you start to practice this. To make it practical I set an alarm on my watch so it beeps every whole hour, then I know I should take up my phone, open up a notethingy ( I use Onenote )  and then you start journaling;

What are you experiencing right now, what emotions and thoughts are within you; good, bad, sad, enthusiastic, loneliness, hunger – and do you now why? Is it something subconsciously that happened a while back or is what is happening in front of you at this moment that is affecting your current state.

Writing a journal where you can reflect and reason with your self is SUCH A GREAT TOOL for your personal development – I can’t stress enough the power that lies within it.

So that’s your quest for this week, Monday through Friday. And then, in the end of the week, read through what you’ve written and see if you can draw any conclusions or seeing any recurrent pattern – perhaps making you realize that some behaviour changes are needed!

Link to full text and more tips on how to INCREASE YOUR LEVEL OF CONSCIOUSNESS: http://alexandernilsson.nu/developing-a-high-level-of-consciousness-weekly-challenge-80/

If you want a deeper explanation of this, check out my other video on the topic of consciousness – strongly recommended! Link: https://youtu.be/key41WCjMD8

————————————————————————————-

Check out my previous 15 weeks of Rejection Therapy / Facing Fear Challenges:

Week 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxEVmwWsaHw

Week 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUTocnY8Mxs

Week 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anw0keWIf-8

Week 4: https://youtu.be/GFHK7O5DrxI?list=PLxw2jMXwRfskSFEl6sI9PzjgMUBZogiGG

Week 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od3M1x6UDCs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsmwkP3SvSSK7cegXB4eutFg

Week 6: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aGxvi5qw1A&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskKqy6INIjOFJDJI8_jPAE1

Week 7: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T1I6j_04xs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsluXabU_1_o4ucowiz118gG

Week 8: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM1GPDsP-18&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsl7LL_1QfrV_G0AU35o5YWS

Week 9: https://youtu.be/m-gx1cmBGH8?list=PLxw2jMXwRfsnYfBFiRZid3g3KhSGDvOaS

Week 10: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrKk416Sh4I&list=PLxw2jMXwRfslj5Eq20SWAcd6GPLU-sfRH

Week 11: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrSOXiOYKr0&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsn9NHLgWJWCdV1l89LqACFR

Week 12: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsT4SXifA8o&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsnoM1TBnJzmnKTBRUmgRY1y

Week 13: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxw2jMXwRfslhlXAcVvgpt1yWVTtY_5bz

Week 14: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Mh8BTFpwU&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskIc-kuuQr4XiNk6n4vefmf

Week 15: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Mh8BTFpwU&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskIc-kuuQr4XiNk6n4vefmf

Week 16: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Fg9ZZUAUtQ&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsnmU2GPTV0VtCGYV10_o8mi

—————————————————————

Music:
New Places ss by Nicolai Heidlas Music https://soundcloud.com/nicolai-heidlas

Standard License: CC BY License 4.0 (Creative Commons) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Source: New Places – Free Inspirational Background Music | Free Upbeat and Happy Music

Video links:

Homer thinking: The Simpsons: Best of Homer and His Brain

Thor: Captain America: Civil War VIRAL VIDEO – Team Thor (2016) – Action Movie

 

OTHER WAYS OF INCREASING YOUR LEVEL OF CONSCIOUSNESS

————————————————————————————–

# Here’s another very nice guide to raising your level of consciousness and being mindful without the journaling focus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01Pfs3VuizM

Or a shorter alternative guide that is shorter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01Pfs3VuizM

# Meditation

Finding 10 minutes a day to practice meditation. Just sitting down, closing your eyes and trying to be aware. This link will get you straight to a very nice Meditation For Beginners guide by Leo Gura ( really recommend it) https://youtu.be/fXmG1x1ih1U?t=5m14s

# Sentence completion exercise as described from the book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nahaniel Branden:

“When working with sentence completion on your own, you can use a notebook, typewriter, or computer. (An acceptable alternative is to do the sentence completions into a tape recorder, in which case you keep repeating the stem into a recorder, each time completing it with a difference ending, and pliy the work back later to reflect on it.)

First thing in the morning, before proceeding to the day’s business, sit and write the following stem:

If I bring more awareness to my life today-

Then, as rapidly as possible, without pausing for reflection, write as many endings for that sentence as you can in two or three minutes (never fewer than six and ten is enough).

Do not worry if your endings are literally true, or make sense, or are “profound.” Write anything, but write something. “ (1995, Branden, p. 309-310)

Here’s more sentences:

“Living consciously to me means –

Then, as rapidly as possible, without pausing for reflection, write as many endings for that sentence as you can in two or three minutes (never fewer than six, but ten is enough). Do not worry if your endings are literally true, make sense, or are “profound.” Write anything, but write something.

Then, go on to the next stem: If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my activities today-

(Why only 5 percent? Let us proceed in small, nonintimidating, “bitesizechews.” Besides, most of the time 5 percent is plenty!)

Then: If I pay more attention to how· I deal with people today-

Then: If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my most important relationships-

Then: If I bring 5 percent more awareness to (fill in a particular problem you are concerned about-for example, your relationship with someone, or a barrier you’ve hit at work, or your feelings of anxiety or depression) –

When you are finished, proceed with your day’s business. At the end of the day, as your last task before dinner, do six to ten endings each for the following stems:

When I reflect on how I would feel if I lived more consciously-

When I reflect what happens when I bring 5 percent more awareness to my activities-

When I reflect on what happens when I bring 5 percent more awareness to my most important relationships-

When I reflect on what happens when I bring 5 percent more awareness to (whatever you’ve filled in)-

Do this exercise every day, Monday through Friday for the first week. Do not read what you wrote the day before. Naturally there will be many repetitions. But also, new endings will inevitably occur. You are energizing all of your psyche to work for you.

Sometime each weekend, reread what you have written for the week, and then write a minimum of six endings for this stem:

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it would be helpful if 1-

In doing this work, the ideal is to empty your mind of any expectations concerning what will happen or what is “supposed” to happen. Do not impose any demands on the situation. Try to empty your mind of expectations.

Do the exercise, go about your day’s activities, and merely notice any differences in how you feel or how you operate. You will discover that you have set in motion forces that make it virtually impossible for you to avoid operating more consciously.”

( The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.85, Nathaniel Branden)

 

More on self-esteem, from the book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nahaniel Branden:

“Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.”

All this material is based on the book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden, and the six pillars of Self-esteem are:

  1. The Practice of Living Consciously
  2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
  3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
  4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
  5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
  6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

What is Self-Esteem?

“Self-esteem, fully realized, is the experience that we are appropriate to life and to the requirements of life. More specifically, self-esteem is:

  1. confidence in our ability to think, confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life; and .
  2. confidence in our right to be successful and happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and enjoy the fruits of our efforts. (1995, Branden, p. 4)

To sum up in a formal definition:

Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness.” (1995, Branden, p. 7)

“What determines the level of self-esteem is what the individual does.”

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: Pillar one – The practice of living consciously – Extracts from the book

“To live consciously means to seek to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values, and goals-to the best of our ability, whatever that ability may ~and to behave in accordance with that which we see and know.” (1995, Branden, p. 69)

“Why is consciousness so important? Because for all species that possess it, consciousness is the basic tool of survival-the ability to be aware of the environment in some form, at some level, and to guide action accordingly. I use consciousness here in its primary meaning: the state of being conscious or aware of some aspect of reality. We also may speak of consciousness as a faculty-the attribute of being able to be aware. To the distinctively human form of consciousness, with its capacity for concept formation and abstract thought, we give the name mind. As we have discussed, we are beings for whom consciousness (at the conceptual level) is volitional. This means that the design of our nature contains an extraordinary option-that of seeking awareness or not bothering (or actively avoiding it), seeking truth or not bothering (or actively avoiding it), focusing our mind or not bothering (or choosing to drop to a lower level of consciousness). In other words, we have the option of exercising our powers or of subverting our means of survival and well-being. This capacity for self-management is our glory and, at times, our burden. Our mind is our basic tool of survival. Betray it and self-esteem suffers.

If we do not bring an appropriate level of consciousness to our activities, if we do not live mindfully, the inevitable penalty is a diminished sense of self-efficacy and self-respect. We cannot feel competent and worthy while conducting our lives in a mental fog. Our mind is our basic tool of survival. Betray it and self-esteem suffers. The simplest form of this betrayal is the evasion of discomfiting facts. (1995, Branden, p. 67-68)

“The Specifics of living Consciously Living consciously entails:

  • A mind that is active rather than passive.
  • An intelligence that takes joy in its own function.
  • Being “in the moment,” without losing the wider context.
  • Reaching out toward relevant facts rather than withdrawing from them.
  • Being concerned to distinguish among facts, interpretations, and emotions.
  • Noticing and confronting my impulses to avoid or deny painful or threatening realities.
  • Being concerned to know “where I am” relative to my various (personal and professional) goals and projects, and whether I am succeeding or failing.
  • Being concerned to know if my actions are in alignment with my purposes.
  • Searching for feedback from the environment so as to adjust or correct my course when necessary.
  • Persevering in the attempt to understand in spite of difficulties.
  • Being receptive to new knowledge and willing to reexamine old assumptions.
  • Being willing to see and correct mistakes.
  • Seeking always to expand awareness-a commitment to learning therefore, a commitment to growth as a way of life.
  • A concern to understand the world around me.
  • A concern to know not only external reality but also internal reality, the reality of my needs, feelings, aspirations, and motives, so that I am not a stranger or a mystery to myself.
  • A concern to be aware of the values that move and guide me, as well as their roots, so that I am not ruled by values I have irrationally adopted or uncritically accepted from others.”

(Branden, p.72)

Good luck, have fun, and let me know if there’s anything your wondering about!

/Alexander

Talking to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: Facing Social Fears – Weekly Challenge #80

 

Hey guys, in this video I’m going to present you a small little weekly challenge to make you face your social fears and repetitively push yourself out of your comfort zone to talk to anyone, anytime anywhere and enjoy the heck out of it – even if fails miserably! A daily little habit of small social pushes that makes all the difference.

Just Imagine a future version of yourself, where you speak and acted as that confident person that you have the potential to be, the kind of person that knows what he wants and therefore goes after exactly that. Take a moment and reflect over what different kind of life you could be living. The persons you’d meet, the experiences you’d have, not to mention the great affect it would have on your career. It’s all possible – not letting fear dictate your actions.

Now at least that’s the kind of life I want to live. And that’s why I put up these weekly challenges and been DOING THESE SOCIAL FEAR CHALLENGES FOR ALMOST  17 WEEKS NOW. With varying results in terms of the interaction, but most of the times a win in terms of facing my fears and building social confidence and self-esteem. And the repetitive action has started to grow into what’s well on its way to transform into an autonomous habit.

So how do we do this? The idea of it is very simple, the execution not so much. “Facing fear challenges” means that we are to expose ourselves to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that puts you out of your comfort zone! For instance, approaching a girl, doing some flirting asking for a date. OR like I did last week, deciding to talk to a person by every stop I had to do by a crosswalk on the bike.  I did both these things last week, and it sure as heck was both hard and fun!

The great thing with these challenges is that it’s a win win no matter the outcome, as long as we pull the trigger! We put up a goal, and then we go after it and by doing so building self-esteem. So just this very action, approaching, asking the question makes us have our first Victory! That means we need to do things that align with your values beliefs or goals, which is the first out of the two rules we have. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life is the number one action you can take to build self-esteem. TACKING ACTION. I talk more about this in my Self-esteem building videos!

The result is that we desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, that moves us forward in life!

If you do this over and over again you start to shape a sustainable awesome habit (The Habit Loop).

Because don’t get me wrong, the fear doesn’t disappear, at least not for me, but the fear starts to work as a trigger – a cue – for us that makes our dopamine craving brain shine up like a firework on new year’s eve.  The fear becomes that que that we should start doing our routine – pushing through the fear – so we can get to the reward, that sense of proudness for doing what we sat out to do. An explosion of adrenaline and good feeling hormones.

The objectives:

Monday through  Friday do one daily social push. You can either specify the area or action you’re going to do. Like the relationship area – approaching and flirting with girls. Or small social pushes, like starting to talk to people in the grocery store or asking people for the time. Now It’s context dependent and you should gradually push yourself further and further out of your comfort zone.

Being unspecified means looking for opportunities throughout the day and act when you see one. This requires awareness and being alert to the surrounding. I’d say an easier way is to plan ahead, it could for instance be talking to one girl each day. But it requires time to plan as well, so the lazy one ironically goes for the unplanned. Which also adds a bit of excitement. The downside is that you seldom reach those real big things – like calling a specific role model of yours ( like I’ve done ).

The rules:

1# The action/request/question need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem. AND THE SECOND RULE IS THAT you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes. Honesty is key to building self-esteem

So, you decide what level you want to take this to! I’d love to hear your story down there in the comments, and if f you want that extra push, make sure to commit to be, and you’ll think twice before bailing on yourself!

For me this week, I’m going to be having a relationships focus. Still want to meet a girl, and this week I feel hungry for a date. So I’m going to try to approach my way into a date before this week is over!

I’ll be posting some videos in the week, however I’m having a new role at work this week, meaning I’m’ not sure how much time it’ll be for editing. We’ll see!

Make sure to subscribe so you won’t miss the next video!

My name is alexander, thank you for watching and thank you for beingn awesome. Bye guys.

 

—————————–

Check out my previous 15 weeks of Rejection Therapy / Facing Fear Challenges:

Week 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxEVmwWsaHw

Week 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUTocnY8Mxs

Week 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anw0keWIf-8

Week 4: https://youtu.be/GFHK7O5DrxI?list=PLxw2jMXwRfskSFEl6sI9PzjgMUBZogiGG

Week 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od3M1x6UDCs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsmwkP3SvSSK7cegXB4eutFg

Week 6: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aGxvi5qw1A&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskKqy6INIjOFJDJI8_jPAE1

Week 7: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T1I6j_04xs&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsluXabU_1_o4ucowiz118gG

Week 8: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM1GPDsP-18&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsl7LL_1QfrV_G0AU35o5YWS

Week 9: https://youtu.be/m-gx1cmBGH8?list=PLxw2jMXwRfsnYfBFiRZid3g3KhSGDvOaS

Week 10: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrKk416Sh4I&list=PLxw2jMXwRfslj5Eq20SWAcd6GPLU-sfRH

Week 11: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrSOXiOYKr0&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsn9NHLgWJWCdV1l89LqACFR

Week 12: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsT4SXifA8o&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsnoM1TBnJzmnKTBRUmgRY1y

Week 13: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxw2jMXwRfslhlXAcVvgpt1yWVTtY_5bz

Week 14: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Mh8BTFpwU&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskIc-kuuQr4XiNk6n4vefmf

Week 15: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Mh8BTFpwU&list=PLxw2jMXwRfskIc-kuuQr4XiNk6n4vefmf

Week 16: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Fg9ZZUAUtQ&list=PLxw2jMXwRfsnmU2GPTV0VtCGYV10_o8mi

 

———————-

Posting schedule:

SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge

WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays

FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge

 

YOU FIND ME AT:

Mail: alexander.s.nilsson@gmail.com

Homepage: www.alexandernilsson.nu

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenils/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alenils

Snapchat: alenils