Hey guys! In this video I talk about my personal experience to social hangover, being an introvert and how self-love proberbly can fix a lot of these things – Hence the challenge of the week is to get a understanding of how to practice self love. The objevctive of the week is to read the book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, by Kamal Ravikant, adn start practicing the ideas from it.
The book is only 8000 words long, and the audiobook only about an hour.
Everyone has a truth that they need to live and share. For the author, that truth was committing to the daily practice of repeating the phrase “I love myself.” When you love yourself, life loves you back.
Step 1: Mental Loop
A thought loop is a pathway laid down by constant use. With enough time and intensity, if you repeat it again and again, you start to create a mental river that controls you. You believe it is automatic and the reality you live in, but really it is just a mental loop you have repeated too many times.
You can reverse this process. You can create your own focused mental loops. Repeat, “I love myself” again and again and again. Lay the pathway for that loop to run over and over. Eventually, it will take hold whether you believe it or not.
You need to create a groove that is deeper than those unhappy and unhelpful grooves you’ve laid down over the years.
Step 2: Meditation
Each day, the author listens to a 7-minute piece of music that he likes and thinks, “I love myself.”
Pattern: Inhale > Think “I love myself” > Exhale > Let out whatever thoughts you have.
Step 3: Question
“If I love myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this?” The answer was always “no” for the author.
This question gently shifts your focus from wherever you are to self-love.
Can you say, “I’m in love” and have it simply be with yourself? Of course you can. If you love yourself, you naturally shine. You get a spring in your step and your smile comes out.
Beautiful irony: fall in love with yourself and naturally express yourself and the world will beat a path to your door to fall in love with you.
The more you think about it, the more you feel it, the stronger the memory. The more you recall something, the more it strengthens. The emotions you focus on are the same. The more you focus on negative aspects of your memory, the more they take control. They more you focus on the positive thoughts and loving yourself, the more they take control.
Most of what we fear is not useful and not real. When fear arises your job is to remind yourself of this. “Not useful. Not real. Continue on.”
Don’t let yourself coast when things are going great. “It’s easy to wish for your health when you’re sick. But you need to be just as vigilant when things are going great.”
If you love yourself truly and deeply, you’ll commit to the practice. You won’t get lazy when things are going well.
Loving yourself is like putting your oxygen mask on before helping the person next to you. Loving yourself softens your own ego. Fear hardens your ego. It’s easier to be helpful and kind when you love yourself.
Instead of reading loads of self-help books, we should just focus on one thing. Put all our energy toward that. And place a bet on one thing. For the author, that one thing is “I love myself.”
The one key that makes all of this work is this: make the vow. Make the commitment and make it on paper. Make the vow to yourself to live your truth. Write down whatever it is that speaks to you. The words don’t matter. Just make sure it comes from you and it is in your own words. That’s how the magic will happen.
If you have any questions, just hit me up down there in the comments and I’ll get back to you!
/Alexander
A video I strongly recommend you watch on the connection between Self- Love and Self-Esteem.
New Week, new GROWTH challenge. Are you a bit introverted? Perhaps having some trouble being social; rather just sit at home in your comfort zone like me? Well, then maybe you should put in an effort this week and make some changes!
I’m going to push myself into three social events, so I can take three steps closer to live how i truly want to live. Collecting New Experiences and having fun with great people! Because that won’t happen if I keep spending all my time at home, in front of the computer, eating, paralyzed by my fears. Weather I chose to admit it or not.
The Frame work We apply:
The idea of it is very simple, the execution not so much. “Facing fear challenges” means that we are to expose ourselves to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that puts us out of our comfort zone! For instance, approaching a girl, doing some flirting & asking for a date. Or perhaps just striking up a random conversation, with a random person or a group of persons!
The great thing with these challenges is that it’s a win-win no matter the outcome, as long as we pull the trigger! We put up a goal, and then we go after it and by doing so building self-esteem. So just this very action, approaching, asking the question makes us have our first Victory! That means we need to do things that align with your values beliefs or goals, which is the first out of the two rules we have. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life is the number one action you can take to build self-esteem. TACKING ACTION.
The result is that we desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, that moves us forward in life. If we do this over and over again you start to shape a sustainable awesome habit (The Habit Loop).
But don’t get me wrong, the fear doesn’t disappear, at least not for me, but the fear starts to work as a trigger – a cue – for us that makes our dopamine craving brain shine up like a firework on new year’s eve. The fear becomes that que that we should start doing our routine – pushing through the fear – so we can get to the reward, that sense of proudness for doing what we sat out to do. An explosion of adrenaline and good feeling hormones.
GOOD LUCK; & commit to me in the comments, it’ll help you a lot. Trust me. Social responsibility makes all the difference.
/Alexander
Posting schedule:
SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge
WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays
Hey Guys! It’s time to commit to a new weekly challenge and face those fears of yours, taking control of what’s consciously or sub consciously runs the show. You now that show where you’re the lead star, it’s called YOUR LIFE!
Imagine yourself not FEARLESS, but a fear tamer. Being able to live with fear, embrace fear, utilize it to your advantage. Imagine being able to do exactly what you truly wanted, living the kind of life you want to live. That’s my quest, and that’s what I each day try to work towards, and been doing so actively for a while now. It’s a long journey, but I’m enjoying the heck out of it, and mostly I can feel the daily growth.
Before letting you in on the details, here’s the very basics of what we are supposed to do. First of we think of an area we want to give some extra attention to, then we come up with an action, question/request that we can do that exposes us to rejection/puts us in a state of fear. And then we go do that thing! It’s as simple as that – in theory. Reality is a different story.
Last week I tried the quantity approach – saying Hi to 77 Girls. That failed miserably, although I for sure faced some fears of mine, but just not as many as I wanted to. But what also stroke me, was that it didn’t feel achievable so I almost gave up before starting it! So I thought I’d flip the steak this time and take on the quality approach instead!
The idea is simple, I’m going to have an overall goal of talking to girls for a total amount of 20 minutes. The goal is to develop my social skills and the ability to connect and create rapport with a girl I’m interested in. Can I make it?
Well, I’m hoping so! As always, putting out the challenge is fun and exciting, executing is a different story…
We’ll just have to wait and see to find out and see how it goes!
Commit to med down in the comments if you want some extra pressure to follow through on your objectives, and don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss out on the videos I’ll be posting.
/Alexander
A more detail explanation of the Facing Fear Framework works:
The idea of it is very simple, the execution not so much. “Facing fear challenges” means that we are to expose ourselves to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that puts you out of your comfort zone! For instance, approaching a girl, doing some flirting asking for a date.
The great thing with these challenges is that it’s a win win no matter the outcome, as long as we pull the trigger! We put up a goal, and then we go after it and by doing so building self-esteem. So just this very action, approaching, asking the question makes us have our first Victory! That means we need to do things that align with your values beliefs or goals, which is the first out of the two rules we have. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life is the number one action you can take to build self-esteem. TACKING ACTION.
The result is that we desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, that moves us forward in life!
If you do this over and over again you start to shape a sustainable awesome habit (The Habit Loop).
Because don’t get me wrong, the fear doesn’t disappear, at least not for me, but the fear starts to work as a trigger – a cue – for us that makes our dopamine craving brain shine up like a firework on new year’s eve. The fear becomes that que that we should start doing our routine – pushing through the fear – so we can get to the reward, that sense of proudness for doing what we sat out to do. An explosion of adrenaline and good feeling hormones.
Hey guys! Time for a new weekly challenge, and once again it’s time to face our social fears so we can free ourselves from the fear that paralyses us. Holds us down. Hindering us from living the life we want. For me, the area of girls has been the most suffering field, And I’m sick and tired of the fear hindering me from meeting the girls – living the life I want to live – I’ve had it! That’s why I’m on a quest do desensitize myself from these cuffs.
No last time my challenge in this area was to approach seven 7 girls in order to get a date. And that was fun, and I really felt that shifted in to a new world. But I also got some feedback from you guys saying that 7 girls is nothing. One guy actually said he’d approached 100 girls, and 2 of those led to a date.
So that’s why my quest this week is to face 77 fears of mine. Before i tell you what I mean by that, let me refresh you of what we’re doing here and the rules we play by.
The idea of it is very simple, the execution not so much. “Facing fear challenges” means that we are to expose ourselves to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that puts you out of your comfort zone! For instance, approaching a girl, doing some flirting asking for a date.
The great thing with these challenges is that it’s a win win no matter the outcome, as long as we pull the trigger! We put up a goal, and then we go after it and by doing so building self-esteem. So just this very action, approaching, asking the question makes us have our first Victory! That means we need to do things that align with your values beliefs or goals, which is the first out of the two rules we have. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life is the number one action you can take to build self-esteem. TACKING ACTION.
The result is that we desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, that moves us forward in life!
If you do this over and over again you start to shape a sustainable awesome habit (The Habit Loop).
Because don’t get me wrong, the fear doesn’t disappear, at least not for me, but the fear starts to work as a trigger – a cue – for us that makes our dopamine craving brain shine up like a firework on new year’s eve. The fear becomes that que that we should start doing our routine – pushing through the fear – so we can get to the reward, that sense of proudness for doing what we sat out to do. An explosion of adrenaline and good feeling hormones.
The objectives:
——————
Monday through Friday do at least one daily social push. You can either specify the area or action or you can . Like the relationship area – approaching and flirting with girls. Or any other small social pushes, like starting to talk to people in the grocery store or asking people for the time – it’s up to you! But remember that you should continuously push yourself out of your GROWING comfort zone.
Being unspecified in your challenge means looking for opportunities throughout the day and act when you see one. This requires a higher level of awareness and being alert to the surroundings. I’d say you’ll reach a better outcome if you plan ahead, because then you know what to look for and it’s not as easy to escape into every day happenings. it could for instance be approaching and talking to a person each day.
OR, like I’m going to be doing. Saying hi to 77 girls. Yepp. I’m going to go all in on quantity and not quality, trying to lower the barrier to ignite that first connection with a girl.
The rules:
1# The action/request/question need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.
#2 You’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes. Honesty is key to building self-esteem
So, you decide what level you want to take this to! I’d love to hear your story down there in the comments, and if f you want that extra push, make sure to commit to be, and you’ll think twice before bailing on yourself!
Make sure to subscribe so you won’t miss the next video!
Hey Guys! In this video I’m going to tell you one simple way to increase your ability to face your fears and do what needs to be done. Not escaping those small moments that adds up and ends up having a major impact on your path in life. You now those moments. When you have something you really should be doing, but you just escape that action because it’s so uncomfortable. THAT CAN BE AVOIDED! And the key is to develop a high level of consciousness – being able to stay aware and present in all situation. Although it do requires a whole lot of focused practice. PRACITICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!
How do I know? Well I’ve been doing it seriously since the beginning of this year, and the results are just amazing. It makes acting as your ideal version of yourself – a whole lot more easier ( not saying it’s easy ).
How do we do it? Well there are different ways to go about, but what I’ve found to help the most is to JOURNAL – frequently. As often as you can when you start to practice this. To make it practical I set an alarm on my watch so it beeps every whole hour, then I know I should take up my phone, open up a notethingy ( I use Onenote ) and then you start journaling;
What are you experiencing right now, what emotions and thoughts are within you; good, bad, sad, enthusiastic, loneliness, hunger – and do you now why? Is it something subconsciously that happened a while back or is what is happening in front of you at this moment that is affecting your current state.
Writing a journal where you can reflect and reason with your self is SUCH A GREAT TOOL for your personal development – I can’t stress enough the power that lies within it.
So that’s your quest for this week, Monday through Friday. And then, in the end of the week, read through what you’ve written and see if you can draw any conclusions or seeing any recurrent pattern – perhaps making you realize that some behaviour changes are needed!
If you want a deeper explanation of this, check out my other video on the topic of consciousness – strongly recommended! Link: https://youtu.be/key41WCjMD8
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Check out my previous 15 weeks of Rejection Therapy / Facing Fear Challenges:
Finding 10 minutes a day to practice meditation. Just sitting down, closing your eyes and trying to be aware. This link will get you straight to a very nice Meditation For Beginners guide by Leo Gura ( really recommend it) https://youtu.be/fXmG1x1ih1U?t=5m14s
# Sentence completion exercise as described from the book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nahaniel Branden:
“When working with sentence completion on your own, you can use a notebook, typewriter, or computer. (An acceptable alternative is to do the sentence completions into a tape recorder, in which case you keep repeating the stem into a recorder, each time completing it with a difference ending, and pliy the work back later to reflect on it.)
First thing in the morning, before proceeding to the day’s business, sit and write the following stem:
If I bring more awareness to my life today-
Then, as rapidly as possible, without pausing for reflection, write as many endings for that sentence as you can in two or three minutes (never fewer than six and ten is enough).
Do not worry if your endings are literally true, or make sense, or are “profound.” Write anything, but write something. “ (1995, Branden, p. 309-310)
Here’s more sentences:
“Living consciously to me means –
Then, as rapidly as possible, without pausing for reflection, write as many endings for that sentence as you can in two or three minutes (never fewer than six, but ten is enough). Do not worry if your endings are literally true, make sense, or are “profound.” Write anything, but write something.
Then, go on to the next stem: If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my activities today-
(Why only 5 percent? Let us proceed in small, nonintimidating, “bitesizechews.” Besides, most of the time 5 percent is plenty!)
Then: If I pay more attention to how· I deal with people today-
Then: If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my most important relationships-
Then: If I bring 5 percent more awareness to (fill in a particular problem you are concerned about-for example, your relationship with someone, or a barrier you’ve hit at work, or your feelings of anxiety or depression) –
When you are finished, proceed with your day’s business. At the end of the day, as your last task before dinner, do six to ten endings each for the following stems:
When I reflect on how I would feel if I lived more consciously-
When I reflect what happens when I bring 5 percent more awareness to my activities-
When I reflect on what happens when I bring 5 percent more awareness to my most important relationships-
When I reflect on what happens when I bring 5 percent more awareness to (whatever you’ve filled in)-
Do this exercise every day, Monday through Friday for the first week. Do not read what you wrote the day before. Naturally there will be many repetitions. But also, new endings will inevitably occur. You are energizing all of your psyche to work for you.
Sometime each weekend, reread what you have written for the week, and then write a minimum of six endings for this stem:
If any of what I wrote this week is true, it would be helpful if 1-
In doing this work, the ideal is to empty your mind of any expectations concerning what will happen or what is “supposed” to happen. Do not impose any demands on the situation. Try to empty your mind of expectations.
Do the exercise, go about your day’s activities, and merely notice any differences in how you feel or how you operate. You will discover that you have set in motion forces that make it virtually impossible for you to avoid operating more consciously.”
( The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.85, Nathaniel Branden)
More on self-esteem, from the book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nahaniel Branden:
“Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.”
All this material is based on the book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden, and the six pillars of Self-esteem are:
The Practice of Living Consciously
The Practice of Self-Acceptance
The Practice of Self-Responsibility
The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
The Practice of Living Purposefully
The Practice of Personal Integrity
What is Self-Esteem?
“Self-esteem, fully realized, is the experience that we are appropriate to life and to the requirements of life. More specifically, self-esteem is:
confidence in our ability to think, confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life; and .
confidence in our right to be successful and happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and enjoy the fruits of our efforts. (1995, Branden, p. 4)
To sum up in a formal definition:
Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness.” (1995, Branden, p. 7)
“What determines the level of self-esteem is what the individual does.”
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: Pillar one – The practice of living consciously – Extracts from the book
“To live consciously means to seek to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values, and goals-to the best of our ability, whatever that ability may ~and to behave in accordance with that which we see and know.” (1995, Branden, p. 69)
“Why is consciousness so important? Because for all species that possess it, consciousness is the basic tool of survival-the ability to be aware of the environment in some form, at some level, and to guide action accordingly. I use consciousness here in its primary meaning: the state of being conscious or aware of some aspect of reality. We also may speak of consciousness as a faculty-the attribute of being able to be aware. To the distinctively human form of consciousness, with its capacity for concept formation and abstract thought, we give the name mind. As we have discussed, we are beings for whom consciousness (at the conceptual level) is volitional. This means that the design of our nature contains an extraordinary option-that of seeking awareness or not bothering (or actively avoiding it), seeking truth or not bothering (or actively avoiding it), focusing our mind or not bothering (or choosing to drop to a lower level of consciousness). In other words, we have the option of exercising our powers or of subverting our means of survival and well-being. This capacity for self-management is our glory and, at times, our burden. Our mind is our basic tool of survival. Betray it and self-esteem suffers.
If we do not bring an appropriate level of consciousness to our activities, if we do not live mindfully, the inevitable penalty is a diminished sense of self-efficacy and self-respect. We cannot feel competent and worthy while conducting our lives in a mental fog. Our mind is our basic tool of survival. Betray it and self-esteem suffers. The simplest form of this betrayal is the evasion of discomfiting facts. (1995, Branden, p. 67-68)
“The Specifics of living Consciously Living consciously entails:
A mind that is active rather than passive.
An intelligence that takes joy in its own function.
Being “in the moment,” without losing the wider context.
Reaching out toward relevant facts rather than withdrawing from them.
Being concerned to distinguish among facts, interpretations, and emotions.
Noticing and confronting my impulses to avoid or deny painful or threatening realities.
Being concerned to know “where I am” relative to my various (personal and professional) goals and projects, and whether I am succeeding or failing.
Being concerned to know if my actions are in alignment with my purposes.
Searching for feedback from the environment so as to adjust or correct my course when necessary.
Persevering in the attempt to understand in spite of difficulties.
Being receptive to new knowledge and willing to reexamine old assumptions.
Being willing to see and correct mistakes.
Seeking always to expand awareness-a commitment to learning therefore, a commitment to growth as a way of life.
A concern to understand the world around me.
A concern to know not only external reality but also internal reality, the reality of my needs, feelings, aspirations, and motives, so that I am not a stranger or a mystery to myself.
A concern to be aware of the values that move and guide me, as well as their roots, so that I am not ruled by values I have irrationally adopted or uncritically accepted from others.”
(Branden, p.72)
Good luck, have fun, and let me know if there’s anything your wondering about!
Hey guys, in this video I’m going to present you a small little weekly challenge to make you face your social fears and repetitively push yourself out of your comfort zone to talk to anyone, anytime anywhere and enjoy the heck out of it – even if fails miserably! A daily little habit of small social pushes that makes all the difference.
Just Imagine a future version of yourself, where you speak and acted as that confident person that you have the potential to be, the kind of person that knows what he wants and therefore goes after exactly that. Take a moment and reflect over what different kind of life you could be living. The persons you’d meet, the experiences you’d have, not to mention the great affect it would have on your career. It’s all possible – not letting fear dictate your actions.
Now at least that’s the kind of life I want to live. And that’s why I put up these weekly challenges and been DOING THESE SOCIAL FEAR CHALLENGES FOR ALMOST 17 WEEKS NOW. With varying results in terms of the interaction, but most of the times a win in terms of facing my fears and building social confidence and self-esteem. And the repetitive action has started to grow into what’s well on its way to transform into an autonomous habit.
So how do we do this? The idea of it is very simple, the execution not so much. “Facing fear challenges” means that we are to expose ourselves to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that puts you out of your comfort zone! For instance, approaching a girl, doing some flirting asking for a date. OR like I did last week, deciding to talk to a person by every stop I had to do by a crosswalk on the bike. I did both these things last week, and it sure as heck was both hard and fun!
The great thing with these challenges is that it’s a win win no matter the outcome, as long as we pull the trigger! We put up a goal, and then we go after it and by doing so building self-esteem. So just this very action, approaching, asking the question makes us have our first Victory! That means we need to do things that align with your values beliefs or goals, which is the first out of the two rules we have. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life is the number one action you can take to build self-esteem. TACKING ACTION. I talk more about this in my Self-esteem building videos!
The result is that we desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, that moves us forward in life!
If you do this over and over again you start to shape a sustainable awesome habit (The Habit Loop).
Because don’t get me wrong, the fear doesn’t disappear, at least not for me, but the fear starts to work as a trigger – a cue – for us that makes our dopamine craving brain shine up like a firework on new year’s eve. The fear becomes that que that we should start doing our routine – pushing through the fear – so we can get to the reward, that sense of proudness for doing what we sat out to do. An explosion of adrenaline and good feeling hormones.
The objectives:
Monday through Friday do one daily social push. You can either specify the area or action you’re going to do. Like the relationship area – approaching and flirting with girls. Or small social pushes, like starting to talk to people in the grocery store or asking people for the time. Now It’s context dependent and you should gradually push yourself further and further out of your comfort zone.
Being unspecified means looking for opportunities throughout the day and act when you see one. This requires awareness and being alert to the surrounding. I’d say an easier way is to plan ahead, it could for instance be talking to one girl each day. But it requires time to plan as well, so the lazy one ironically goes for the unplanned. Which also adds a bit of excitement. The downside is that you seldom reach those real big things – like calling a specific role model of yours ( like I’ve done ).
The rules:
1# The action/request/question need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem. AND THE SECOND RULE IS THAT you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes. Honesty is key to building self-esteem
So, you decide what level you want to take this to! I’d love to hear your story down there in the comments, and if f you want that extra push, make sure to commit to be, and you’ll think twice before bailing on yourself!
For me this week, I’m going to be having a relationships focus. Still want to meet a girl, and this week I feel hungry for a date. So I’m going to try to approach my way into a date before this week is over!
I’ll be posting some videos in the week, however I’m having a new role at work this week, meaning I’m’ not sure how much time it’ll be for editing. We’ll see!
Make sure to subscribe so you won’t miss the next video!
My name is alexander, thank you for watching and thank you for beingn awesome. Bye guys.
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Check out my previous 15 weeks of Rejection Therapy / Facing Fear Challenges:
Hey guys! Hope your excited for some social growth, because in this latest video I’m going to teach you a small little practice for enable you to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere and enjoy the heck out of doing so it even if fails miserably.
I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where you’ve wanted to talk to an attractive person or maybe telling a boss or a college what you truly want to say, but the lack of social confidence and the fear of what people might think and say, got you mute. Perhaps this has happened so many times that you’re now not even considering doing these things any more. If so, this is for you. If you have a few more minutes, check out las Sunday video where I went more into details explaining how to do these social pushes and some tips along the road:
Monday through Friday, we’re going to do small little social pushes – facing our fears – every day.
You can either be unspecified about the social pushes, that means looking for opportunities throughout the day and act when you see one. This requires awareness and being alert to the surrounding.
An alternative way is to plan ahead and chose an area or a specific action to execute , it could for instance be talking to one girl each day, or asking one random person each day about the time! The social pushes should be dependent on where you are right now, the important thing is that you push yourself out of your comfort zone.
So you decide what level you want to take this to! I’d love to hear your story down there in the comments, and if f you want that extra push, make sure to commit to be, and you’ll think twice before bailing on yourself!
The rules are:
1# The action/request/question need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.
2# That also means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes.
I’ll be posting some girl approaches in the week, so make sure to subscribe so you won’t miss the next video!
My name is alexander, thank you for watching and thank you for being awesome. Bye guys.
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Check out my previous 15 weeks of Rejection Therapy / Facing Fear Challenges:
Hey guys, in this latest video I’m going to teach you how to handle your social fears and repetitively push through that wall of anxiety and enable you to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere and enjoy the heck out of it even if fails miserably.
I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where you’ve wanted to talk to an attractive person or maybe telling a boss or a college what you truly want to say, but the lack of social confidence and the fear of what people might think and say, got you mute. Perhaps this has happened so many times that you’re now not even considering doing these things any more.
“Oh cute girl. That’s nice”
Imagine instead a future version of yourself, where you speak and acted as that confident secure person that you have the potential to be, the kind of person that knows what he wants and therefore goes after exactly that. Imagine what a different kind of life you could be living. The persons you’d meet, the experiences you’d have, not to mention the great affect it would have on your career. It’s all possible.
If you start doing what I’m about to tell you, I can promise you that you’ll gradually move towards facing all of your social fears – actually making you addicted to go after these situations. But so why should you trust some random YouTuber?
You see I’m just a guy so hungry for personal growth, I have big dreams, I have goals I want to achieve, I don’t want to live an ordinary life, I want it all the great life! But as an introvert with varying degrees of social anxiety, this won’t come easy to me. So, I sat out to figure this out.
And the solution came to be to develop a high level of self-esteem and doing these Facing fears aka Rejection therapy challenges (credit to Jia Jiang – check him out: https://www.youtube.com/user/DukieAjah ). It’s a never-ending journey I’m pursuing daily. I feel obligated to share my learnings, and help you make the same progress. Not saying it’s going to be an easy journey for you – heck
I’ve been doing these social fear challenges for over about 20 weeks now, with varying results in terms of the interaction. But most of the times a win in terms of facing my fears and building social confidence and self-esteem. And the repetitive action has started to grow into what’s well on it’s way to transform into an autonomous habit.
So how do we do this? The idea of it is very simple, the execution not so much.
My growth process is divided into two different overall steps, one being these social fears/ rejection therapy challenges, one being deep self-esteem work with the help of the book the six pillars of self-esteem. This method I’m presenting with your right now is all about the facing fears methodology. Which is the one leading to the most direct result – but benefit so much from the other practices. I have tons of other videos talking about the book, but for now focus on this!
So facing fear challenges means that we are to expose ourself to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that puts you out of your comfort zone!
AND THERE IS ONLY TOW RULES WE NEED TO PLAY BY:
The action/request/question need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem. AND THE SECOND RULE IS THAT you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes. Honesty is key to building self-esteem
High likelihood of getting Rejected / Fail? It doesn’t matter – it’s a win as long as you pull the trigger! It’s context dependent and you should gradually push yourself further and further out of your comfort zone.
The result is that we desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, that moves us forward in life!
The Magic of this is that we not only teach ourselves to face our fears -get the actual proof that we survive every interaction – and getting used to taking rejection from people also increase our self-esteem by doing these challenges. But that is only true If we design them so that align with your values beliefs or goals, as the first rule state. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life is the number one action you can take to build self-esteem.
In the beginning, it was dreadful, but I pushed through and I did it. And gradually, as I kept doing these challenges, I started to create this fear-win habit loop. And even though it’s not all on autopilot for me yet, it’s starting to get there (The Habit Loop = link that explains the theory).
Now don’t get me wrong, the fear doesn’t disappear, at least not for me, but the fear starts to works as a trigger – a cue – for us that makes our dopamine craving brain shine up like a firework on New Year’s Eve. You see the fear gets the que that we should start doing our routine off pushing through the fear so we can get to the reward, that emended sense of proudness, for doing what we sat out to do. This only works if we follow the basic rules,
ONE EASY TIP I’M GONNA GIVE YOU to help – the five second rule
The objectives:
So for me I put up these weekly challenges, monday through Friday, and this week ( and the one after that) I’m going to be doing one social fear every day. The challenges will be unspecified this time, that means I’m going to look for opportunities throughout the day and act when I see one. This requires awareness and being alert to the surrounding. An easier way is to plan ahead, it could for instance be talking to one girl each day, or asking five random people for the time. It’s all dependent on where you are right now, the important thing is that you push yourself out of your comfort zone.
So you decide what level you want to take this to! I’d love to hear your story down there in the comments, and if f you want that extra push, make sure to commit to be, and you’ll think twice before bailing on yourself!
I’ll be posting some girl approaches in the week, so make sure to subscribe so you wont miss the next video!
My name is alexander, thank you for watching and thank you for beingn awesome. Bye guys.
Your (and my) weekly challenge – Face your fears within an area you want to grow in! This means exposing yourself to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that scares the crap out of you! High likleyhood of getting Rejected / Fail? It doesn’t matter – it’s a win as long as you pull the trigger!
We do this to create this habit of doing what we want to do – but fear the most – and desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will actually be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, and many times actually move us forward in life!
The Magic of this is that we also increase our self-esteem by doing these challenges, IF we design them so that align with your values beliefs or goals. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life! Boy oh boy – aren’t you excided?!
The objective is to do one Facing Fear challenge each day, monday throuygh friday, and the rules are simple:
1# The action/request/question need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.
2# That also means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes.
If you can only do one day, then do one day – that’s plenty better than ZERO!
Commit to me down in the comments if you’re up for the challenge, or send me a snapchat at “alenils” to let me know that you’re in. Social commitment make you follow through!
Best of luck guys, see you in the week vlog.
—————
Check out my previous 13 weeks of Rejection Therapy:
This channel is about living the life YOU want to live. But What does that really mean? And how do we go about doing that? Well, there are some different fundamental pieces we need to have in order to do that, Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs is one model, see figure below (https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html). But what it fails to realise is the true importance of self-esteem and how it makes all the other pieces available. But I’m not going go into the details of that now, but it is something I’ve deeply come to understand after implementing Nathaniel Branden’s book The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem into my life. So, again, how do we go about LIVING THE LIFE WE WANT here on this channel? Well, for us it means utilising the known tools for how we build our self-esteem and taking the necessary – SCARY- action that stand between us and the life we want. Please don’t mistake me, this is not some never ending quest of one day reaching that vision. It’s about enjoying life every day and realizing that the journey is the life we so long for, we just have to learn how to embrace this journey.
Posting schedule:
SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge
WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays
FRIDAY: Live Evaluation of Week Challenge
Why put in such an effort to grow every day? Because it’s so got damn fun and brings a purpose to life that is hard to beat.
This week’s challenge goes like this: Face your fears within the theme of Social Life / Relationships. This means exposing ourselves to situations, with a specific question, request or action in mind, that will be scary as heck, or having a high likelihood of getting us rejected!
We do this to create this habit of doing what we want to do – but fear the most – and desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will actually be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, and many times actually move us forward in life!
The Magic of this is that we also increase our self-esteem by doing these challenges, IF we design them so that align with your values beliefs or goals. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life! Boy oh boy – aren’t you excided?!
The rules are simple:
1# The action/request/question need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.
2# That also means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes.
If you can only do one day, then do one day – that’s plenty better than ZERO!
Commit to me down in the comments if you’re up for the challenge, or send me a snapchat at “alenil” to let me know that you’re in. Social commitment make you follow through!
Best of luck guys, see you in the week vlog.
/Alexander
This channel is about living the life YOU want to live. But What does that really mean? And how do we go about doing that? Well, there are some different fundamental pieces we need to have in order to do that, Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs is one model, see figure below (https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html). But what it fails to realise is the true importance of self-esteem and how it makes all the other pieces available. But I’m not going go into the details of that now, but it is something I’ve deeply come to understand after implementing Nathaniel Branden’s book The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem into my life. So, again, how do we go about LIVING THE LIFE WE WANT here on this channel? Well, for us it means utilising the known tools for how we build our self-esteem and taking the necessary – SCARY- action that stand between us and the life we want. Please don’t mistake me, this is not some never ending quest of one day reaching that vision. It’s about enjoying life every day and realizing that the journey is the life we so long for, we just have to learn how to embrace this journey.