This channel is about living the life YOU want to live. Period.
But What does that really mean? And how do we go about doing that? Well, there are some different fundamental pieces we need to have in order to do that, Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs is one model, see figure below. But what it fails to realise is the importance of self-esteem and how it makes all the other pieces available. But I’m not going go into the details of that now, but it is something I’ve deeply come to understand after implementing Nathaniel Branden’s book The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem into my life.
So, again, how do we go about LIVING THE LIFE WE WANT here on this channel? Well, for us it means utilising the known tools for how we build our self-esteem and taking the necessary – SCARY- action that stand between us and the life we want. Please don’t mistake me, this is not some never ending quest of one day reaching that vision. It’s about enjoying life every day and realizing that the journey is the life we so long for, we just have to learn how to embrace this journey.
The long version. I love my weekly challenge format. It makes for a clear and focused timeline to set up a goal that can lead to some serious advancement on towards your goals. Growth. Part of what life is all about.
Although I’ve been a bit shattered with the clarity, jumping theme between week’s. Now I’m going to continue to be a bit all over the place, I’m trying to find my way of doing this. But the one thing I’ve never abended is the personal growth journey it has been for me. Egoistic perhaps? Put that’s what partly giving me that internal drive to keep pushing on, and I’m inviting you on the journey to grow along side with me. Through sweet, blood and tears.
Because I’ve come to realise something, to live the life I truly want to live, it requires some got damn hard effort. And I’m ready to all that. I am determined to live life the way I want to. A life not free from fears, but a life we I constantly and persistently overcome the paralysis of fear, getting to comfortable and settling for the baseline. But I want to live life to its fullest. I feel obligated, no I owe it to myself and the opportunity I’ve been given to do so. I’m not going to waste it away. I’m just not, and neither should you.
So what does this translate to? Well as I said, I’m not quite certain, yet, and maybe this channel will be a constant growing and evolving thing. But at least for now it will be about this; FACING FEARS AND LIVING THE LIFE I WANT TO LIVE. I want to build companies. I want to date girls. I want to create awesome content. I want to be a great businessman. I want to be able to connect with anybody anywhere. I want this, and I want that. What do you want? And how do we go about getting those things?
Through my deep studies of self-esteem though the help of Nathaniel Branden’s book The Six pillars of self-esteem I’ve gotten quite clear on the structure on how to go about outlining goals, actions, monitoring behaviours and evaluating outcomes. Every level with its critical part, but I want to make this channel about the necessary ACTIONS to take us towards our goals – constantly sharing reflections with you through the eyes of self-esteem. Its relatively easy to sit down and say ‘I’m going to do this and I’m going to do that’, but then actually doing it? Boy is that a whole different story.
So; Face Your Fears, and live life the you want to live is the deal. Like Rejection therapy, but it’s the fear of doing the action that’s really the big thing. I quickly came to realise through my rejection therapy challenges that the rejection in itself almost never was any problem for me, but it was the fear of taking action. So that’s why I’m changing the focus from the rejection itself, to the paralysis of fear – doing the things we’re afraid of.
So each week there’s going to be a life theme area, and we are going to specify some scary as action to take that will move us towards the long term goals we are seeking – wanting – needing! These actions will be scary, you will fear them. But by taking the necessary action repeatedly we will start to get used to doing what needs to be done no matter how scary it may seem at first glance; weather the action succeeds or not, we have acted in the direction we thought was going to move us forward, we have built self-esteem. So, the result is a win-win no matter the outcome – Great! And yeah, it may seem easy when you think about, but when you’re standing there and are about to do it… it sure as heck won’t feel like it there and then.
Now the details will be carved out as we go, one life area every week, or maybe a specific area for a specific week day, we’ll just have to see where it takes us. As you might notice that this isn’t really much of a different from the rejection therapy challenges I’ve been doing, and it’s true there isn’t much of a difference. But sometimes tiny tweaks make for a whole lot of difference.
To not lose the focus of the Self-esteem building actions for this channel, each week is going to have its sub focus in the foreground with one of the six pillars – giving some reflection through one of these pillars. Maybe you’ll notice, maybe not, future will tell.
So this first week the theme is Business / Career Development and the Objectives are to make one of these actions happen every day to move you towards your long-term goals. And if you don’t have any goals – then it’s about time you get some!
If you can only do one day, then do one day – that’s plenty better then ZERO!
Monday: ASKING FOR ADVICE
Tuesday: REACHING OUT
Wednesday: NEGOTIATIONS
Thursday: FEEDBACK
Friday: SHARING A CREATION
God luck guys – and don’t forget to commit to me in the comments or send me a snap on snapchat!
In this video I am going to tell you why Personal integrity is key to having a high self-esteem, and how you should go about starting to raise your level of integrity with some Simple objectives this week.
But why should you trust me? You don’t need to, I’m merely quoting the words of the well renowned self-esteem guru – who unfortunately no longer is with us – Nathaniel Branden. Although I do have some great personal experience to attest to when it comes to implementing these practices, as I’ve been doing rigorous for the last 6 months.
What is Integrity?
Integrity is the integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs and behavior. When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have integrity.
At the simplest level, personal integrity entails such questions as: Am I honest, reliable, and trustworthy? Do I keep my promises? Do I do the things I say I admire and do I avoid the things I say I deplore? Am I fair and just in my dealings with others?
Integrity means congruence. Words and behavior match. ” (1995, Branden, p.143-144)
Why do we need Integrity?
“When we behave in ways that conflict with our judgment of what is appropriate, we lose face in our own eyes. We respect ourselves less. If the policy becomes habitual, we trust ourselves less or cease to trust ourselves at all.
Sometimes we may find ourselves caught in a conflict between different values that clash in a particular context, and the solution may be far from self-evident. Integrity does not guarantee that we will make the best choice; it only asks that our effort to find the best choice be authentic that we stay conscious, stay connected with our knowledge, call on our best rational clarity, take responsibility for our choice and its consequences, do not seek to escape into mental fog. ”
“To understand why lapses of integrity are detrimental to self-esteem, consider what a lapse of integrity entails. If I act in contradiction to a moral value held by someone else but not by me, I may or may not be wrong, but I cannot be faulted for having betrayed my convictions. If, however, I act against what I myself regard as right, if my actions clash with my expressed values,· then I act against my judgment, I betray my mind.” (1995, Branden, p.143-145)
How do we increase our level of integrity?
“..before the issue of integrity can even be raised we need principles of behavior-moral convictions about what is and is not appropriate-judgments about right and wrong action. If we do not yet hold standards, we are on too low a developmental rung even to be accused of hypocrisy. In such a case, our problems are too severe to be described merely as lack of integrity. Integrity arises as an issue only for those who profess standards and values, which, of course, is the great majority of human beings. When we behave in ways that conflict with our judgment of what is appropriate, we lose face in our own eyes. We respect ourselves less. If the policy becomes habitual, we trust ourselves less or cease to trust ourselves at all.” (1995, Branden, p.143)
“If I am uniquely situated to raise my self-esteem, I am also uniquely situated to lower it.
One of the great self-deceptions is to tell oneself, “Only I will know.” Only I will know I am a liar; only I will know I deal unethically with people who trust me; only I will know I have no intention of honoring my promise. The implication is that my judgment is unimportant and that only the judgment of others counts. But when it comes to matters of selfesteem, I have more to fear from my own judgment than from anyone else’s; In the inner courtroom of my mind, mine is the only judgment that counts.
My ego, the “I” at the center of my consciousness, is the judge from whom there is no escape. I can avoid people who have learned the humiliating truth about me. I cannot avoid myself.” (1995, Branden, p.145)
With less words – acting with congruence; matching words and behaviour; externally and internally
The importance of the other Six pillars
“In such conflicts we see how essential are other practices, such as living consciously and self-responsibly, to integrity. We cannot practice integrity in an intellectual vacuum. To resolve any of the conflicts listed above, or countless others like them, one would have to rethink one’s deepest values, commitments, and priorities-or perhaps think about them for the first time-and be willing, if necessary, to challenge any and all authorities.
The higher the level of consciousness at which we operate, the more we live by explicit choice and the more naturally does integrity follow as a consequence.” (1995, Branden, p.151-152)
Objectives.
#1 I want you to take notice of all the crimes of integrity you do towards yourself. Did you say you were going to work out today? Yet you didn’t. Did you say you were going to call that friends of yours, tet you didn’t? Those are both breaches of integrity. Make a mark in your phone for every time you breach this band of integrity, and realize the hurt it’s actually causing your self-esteem.
#2 also, as a side mission, I want you to ask yourself at least once a day when you stand in front of that bathroom mirror brushing your teeth – If I’d raise my level of integrity today with 5%, how would I then act?”
If you feel you’ve come longer on this integrity journey – You can take on my other quest this week as well. What is it that you’ve always talked about doing or what is something that you really see yourself as being – yet you’re not living your life this way or moving towards that goal you always talk about. I’ve always talker about being a big entrepreneur when I grow up, yet that’s not my reality. And that’s why I’m going to make sure to prioritize time this week – a projected I started last week – to outline a business idea and send that in to a business competition before Friday! What ONE action could you take to make you live the life you are telling yourself you are or will be living.
Commit to me down in the comments if you’re in for this week’s challenge – gives you that social preassure of actually doing what you’ve set out to do! Being acountable to someone is gold!
/Alexander
EXTRA: WHAT TO DO WHEN SELF-ESTEEM ALREADY HAS BEEN DAMAGED
The protection of self-esteem requires a clear understanding of the limits of personal responsibility. Where there is no power, there can be no responsibility, and where there is no responsibility, there can be no reasonable self-reproach. Regret, yes; guilt, no. The idea of Original Sin-of guilt where there is no possibility of innocence, no freedom of choice, no alternatives available-is anti-selfesteem by its very nature. The very notion of guilt without volition or
responsibility is an assault on reason as well as on morality. Let us think about guilt and how it can be resolved in situations where we are personally responsible. Generally speaking, five steps are needed
to restore one’s sense of integrity with regard to a particular breach.
We must own the fact that it is we who have taken the particular action. We must face and accept the full reality of what we have done, without disowning or avoidance. We own, we accept, we take responsibility .
We seek to understand why we did what we did. We do this compassionately (as discussed under the practice of self-acceptance), but without evasive alibiing.
If others are involved, as they often are, we acknowledge explicitly to the relevant person or persons the harm we have done. We convey our understanding of the consequences of our behavior. We acknowledge how they have been affected by us. We convey understanding of their feelings.
We take any and all actions available that might make amends for or minimize the harm we have done.
We firmly commit ourselves to behaving differently in the future. Without all these steps, we may continue to feel guilty over some wrong behavior, even though it happened years ago, even though our
psychotherapist might have told us everyone makes mistakes, and even though the wronged person may have offered forgiveness. None of that may be enough; self-esteem remains unsatisfied.
(1995, Branden, The Six Pilars of Self-Esteem, p.148-149)
Check out my previous 13 weeks of Rejection Therapy:
It’s a new week and that means It’s time for some Rejection Therapy! This means exposing ourselves to situations, with a specific question, request or action in mind, that most likely will get us rejected! We do this to desensitize ourselves from the fear of getting turned down- imprinting the association in our brains that a NO will only make us stronger! But also, building self-esteem by designing these challenges so they align with your values believes and GOALS – going after the things you want in life! And this time the focus will be about cold calling your way towards your goals – reaching out to people that you admire or possesses knowledge you could benefit from!
We do rejection therapy challenges every other week, and every other week we do personal development work focused on building self-esteem with the help of the book The six pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden.
The objectives:
My objectives of the week is to call one person each day that can help me in getting clear on how I should outline my business idea for a competition I’m going to apply for. For you this means calling a person that in some way can help you move towards your goals!
Remember the only way to fail is to NOT ASK THE QUESTIONS! If I get rejected, I INCREASE my ability to handle rejection, and I increase my Self-esteem If I do what I’ve set out to do, no matter if I get rejected or not!
The Rules:
1# The request’s/question’s need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.
2# That means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes.
Some tips along the way:
Plan what you are going to do and say – or at least have the overall gameplay outlined! Unclarity will be a reason to hesitate when you are about to do what you are going to do – that’s my own experience!
Don’t let time play with you psyche, the longer you wait with the approach, the worse it’s going to get. JUST DO IT!
Remember, that no matter how shitty you feel before you do it, the reward that awaits you on the other side, will greatly make up for that!
It’s time for a new week challenge – this time it’s about living a purposeful life. It’s the 5th pillar originating from the book the six pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden. Perhaps the most important pillar on a holistic level – the one thing that can give you that drive to do things you never thought you had the capacity to do. BUT no pillar can stand on their own, it’s a symbiosis of practices that together creates a toolbox with incredible potential to raise your self-esteem massively. Something I personally can attest to after 6 months of implementation.
However, this video will only focus in on the chapter living purposefully and some practical implications in how to do that through the help of the book “the 4-hour work week” by Timothy Ferris.
Some extracts from the book:
“To live purposefully is, among other things, to live productively, which is a necessity of making ourselves competent to life. Productivity is the act of supporting our existence by translating our thoughts into reality, of setting our goals and working for their achievement, of bringing knowledge, goods, or services into existence.” (1995, Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, P.130)
What living Purposefully Entails
As a way of operatihg in the world, the practice of living purposefully entails the following core issues.
Taking responsibility for formulating one’s goals and purposes consciously.
“If we are to be in control of our own life, we need to know what we want and where we wish to go. We need to be concerned with such questions as: What do I want for myself in five, ten, twenty years? What do I want my life to add up to? What do I want to accomplish professionally? What do I want in the area of personal relationships? If I wish to marry, why? What is my purpose? Within the context of a particular relationship, what are my goals? In relating to my children, what are my goals? If I have intellectual or spiritual aspirations, what are they? Are my goals clearly in focus or are they vague and indefinable?” (1995, Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, P.133-134)
Being concerned to identify the actions necessary to achieve one’s goals.
“If our purposes are to be purposes and not daydreams, we need to ask: How do I get there from here? What actions are necessary? What subpurposes must be accomplished on the way to my ultimate purpose? If new knowledge is required, how will I obtain it? If new resources are needed, how will I acquire them? If our goals are long-range ones, action plans will almost certainly entail subaction plans-that is, plans for the attainment of subpurposes. Do we take responsibility for thinking these steps out? Success in life belongs to those who do.” (1995, Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, P.134)
Monitoring behavior to check that it is in alignment with one’s goals.
“We can have clearly defined purposes and a reasonable action plan but drift off course by distractions, the emergence of unanticipated problems, the pull of other values, an unconscious reordering of priorities, lack of adequate mental focus, or resistance to doing what one has committed oneself to do. A conscious policy of monitoring actions relative to stated purposes helps us to manage problems of this kind. Sometimes the solution will be to rededicate ourselves to our original intentions. Sometimes we will need to rethink what our most important goals actually are and perhaps reformulate our purposes. (1995, Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, P.134)
Paying attention to the outcomes of one’s actions, to know whether they are leading where .one wants to go.
Our goals may be clear and our actions congruent, but our initial calculations about the right steps to take may prove incorrect. Perhaps there were facts we failed to consider. Perhaps developments have changed the context. So we need to keep asking: Are my strategy and tactics working? Am I getting where I want to go? Are my actions producing the results I anticipated? We often see people in business failing this principle by blindly reciting, “But what we are doing always worked in the past.” In a dynamic economy, yesterday’s strategy and tactics are not necessarily adaptive today. (1995, Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, P.134)
The general Objectives:
#1 – Sitting down for at least 5 minutes and WRITING out thoughts and ideas for how to live a more purposeful life. If you don’t know how to go about it, these questions may help you along the way;
What were you passionate about as a child?
If you didn’t have a job, how would you choose to fill those hours?
What makes you forget about the world around you?
What issues do you hold close to your heart?
What kind of conversations do you have with your closest friends?
What is on your bucket list?
If you had a dream, could you make it happen? (source: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/7-questions-help-you-find-your-life-purpose.html)
80% of results come from 20% of actions. It’s as simple as that, just accept it. So take another 5 minutes each day and think about what you’re doing on a regular basis and how much value it’s actually contributes to your life. Answer the following questions;“
What 20% of sources are causing 80% of my problems and unhappiness?
What 20% of sources are resulting in 80% of my desired outcome and happiness?
#3 – doing the right thing
At least three times per day at scheduled times, he had to ask himself the following question: “Am I inventing things to do to avoid the important? Or “Am I being productive or just active?”
This could be extended with:
(1) Define a to-do list and
(2) define a not-to-do list.
The Extensive Massive Week objectives for the one that one that wants to go all in:
My goal for the week:
Spending a minimum of 3×50 min sessions strategizing and planning out a 6 month plan for how to live a more purposefull life; what I want to achive with clear goals and purposes defined. Doing what I truley want to do – start and run my own business / alternative changin career path into digital marketing.
My week will look like this:
Every evening outline the 2 most important things I need to get done during the next day.
Every day I’m going to sit down for 30 minutes and see how I can streamline my life; applying the Parreto Principle with a different focus every day:
Mointoiring my day and evaluating what I’ve done
Food
training
Social
My Youtube channel
Every hour ask myself “am I inventing work right now just to be busy?”
Applying Parkinsons Law (see detailed descrpition further down);
Limit tasks to the important to shorten work time (80/20).
Shorten work time to limit tasks to the important (Parkinson’s Law).
Applying the pomodoro principle – using a timer set for 25-50 minutes before getting uo and jumping around.
No Multitasking, only doing one thing at the time. Every time I abrupt myself and do something that’s not on the prioritazied list it will lead to a fine of one dollar.
MEDIA blockout – No new sources of information, media, information books, youtube videos, Only revisit old material or material directly correlating to the outlining of my plan.
No social media, facebook, messenger, etc. Except one hour between 18-19.
Mail checking only twice a day. 12.00 and 19.00
These rules will be applied Monday through Friday. And if I break them, intentionally, I promise to to any kind of rejection theraphy suggested by the first person sugesting something.
More on The Parkinson’s Law:
“Parkinson’s Law dictates that a task will swell in (perceived) importance and complexity in relation to the time allotted for its completion. It is the magic of the imminent deadline. If I give you 24 hours to complete a project, the time pressure forces you to focus on execution, and you have no choice but to do only the bare essentials. If I give you a week to complete the same task, it’s six days of making a mountain out of a molehill. If I give you two months, God forbid, it becomes a mental monster. The end product of the shorter deadline is almost inevitably of equal or higher quality due to greater focus.
This presents a very curious phenomenon. There are two synergistic approaches for increasing productivity that are inversions of each other:
Limit tasks to the important to shorten work time (80/20).
Shorten work time to limit tasks to the important (Parkinson’s Law).
The best solution is to use both together: Identify the few critical tasks that contribute most to income and schedule them with very short and clear deadlines.”
-from the 4-hour work week by Timothy Ferris
Links to videos mentioned in the description:
The first Week Challenge I did on Living Purposefully:
Hey you! It’s a new week and that means It’s time for some Rejection Therapy! This means exposing ourselves to situations, with a specific question, request or Action in mind, that most likely will get us rejected! We do this to desensitize ourselves from the fear of getting turned down- imprinting the association in our brains that a NO will only make us stronger! But also, building self-esteem by designing these challenges so they align with your values believes and GOALS – going after the things you want in life!
We do rejection therapy challenges every other week, and every other week we do personal development work focused on building self-esteem with the help of the book The six pillars of self-esteem.
Check out my previous 11 weeks of Rejection Therapy:
My objectives of the week is to ASK these question to five different girl :
#2: Asking for a phone number – “Can I get you’re phone number?”
#1: Asking for an instant date – “Do you want to go have a have an icecream/cup of coffe right now?”
#3: Asking for a Hug – “Can I hug you?”
#4: Asking for a date – “would you like to do go on a date some day / do something fun?”
#5: Asking for feedback after getting rejected – “Can I ask for some feedback, why did you reject me?”
– Read for at least an hour a day – ( or 30 pages )
– Listen to 30 minutes of an audiobook at least
– Try to implelement a speed reading teqnique
Remeber The only way to fail is to NOT ASK THE QUESTIONS! If I get rejected, I INCREASE my ability to handle rejection, and I increase my Self-esteem If I do what I’ve set out to do, no matter if I get rejected or not!
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YOUR Objectives:
– 5 Rejection Therapy Challenges throughout the week!
The Rules:
1# The request’s/question’s need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.
2# That means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes.
Some tips along the way:
Plan what you are going to do and say – or at least have the overall gameplay outlined! Unclarity will be a reason to hesitate when you are about to do what you are going to do – that’s my own experience!
Don’t let time play with you psyche, the longer you wait with the approach, the worse it’s going to get. JUST DO IT!
Remember, that no matter how shitty you feel before you do it, the reward that awaits you on the other side, will greatly make up for that!
A playlists with some videos on Rejection Therapy and tips related to it:
Hey you! Early release of this week’s challenge since I’m going of grid out on the sea! But, It’s time for some Rejection Therapy once again! We do rejection therapy challenges every other week, and every other week we do personal development work focused on building self-esteem with the help of the book The six pillars of self-esteem.
This week it is once more time to develop my relationships skills through the help of some serious rejection therapy efforts! However, I’m gonna be spending this week at sea with my family – so proberly won’t meet any girls… I have a backup plan – a reading challenge, at least one hour of reading a day, and trying to practice some speed reading ( https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxw2jMXwRfsnZ6Fwh0PACo554yZK7cirX )
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Watch my previous 9 weeks of Rejection Therapy:
The link I referred to in the video (SHORT VERSION) :
THE 5 SECOND RULE book:
END LAZINESS – Powerful Motivational –
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My Objectives of the week is to:
#1: Try to get an instant date
– Read for at least an hour a day – ( or 30 pages )
– Listen to 30 minutes of an audiobook at least
– Try to implelement a speed reading teqnique
YOUR Objectives:
– 5 Rejection Therapy Challenges throughout the week!
The Rules:
1# The request’s/question’s need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.
2# That means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes.
Some tips along the way:
· Plan what you are going to do and say – or at least have the overall gameplay outlined! Unclarity will be a reason to hesitate when you are about to do what you are going to do – that’s my own experience!
· Don’t let time play with you psyche, the longer you wait with the approach, the worse it’s going to get. JUST DO IT!
· Remember, that no matter how shitty you feel before you do it, the reward that awaits you on the other side, will greatly make up for that!
A playlists with some videos on Rejection Therapy and tips related to it:
Jia Jiang’s 100 days of Rejection Therapy ( The guy who inspired me to start this)
http://rejectiontherapy.com/100-days-of-rejection-therapy/
Are you up for the challenge? Let me know what kind of rejection challenges you plan to do – and if you’ve already done it – tell me how it went!
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Music:
BACK IN SUMMER by Nicolai Heidlas Music https://soundcloud.com/nicolai-heidlas
Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b…
Music provided by Audio Library https://youtu.be/sGsC98vR4Q4
BACK IN SUMMER by Nicolai Heidlas Music https://soundcloud.com/nicolai-heidlas
Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b…
Music provided by Audio Library https://youtu.be/sGsC98vR4Q4
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Posting schedule:
SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge
WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays
FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge
Hey You, and welcome to the Weekly Challenge no. 70! This video has its sole purpose to help you understand how to be more Assertive which will lead to an increased self-esteem! BUT that will only happen trough taking action on your part, and that’s why – as always – this week entails some actions, see description further down.
A quick reminder of how the structure on my channel works – personal development is my thing, and by sharing my journey I want to help you make an as effective journey as well. I want us to grow together because an awakening journey like the one may be absolutely wonderful, but it’s also really shitty at times – In the really short term perspective it sucks to be frank – but long-term, the benefits are too good to neglect. But that also why one needs to have trust in the process, because the results may not come straight away. Because when you’re not allowing yourself to cover up the harsh reality with external sources of entertainment or focus steeling activity – which is a necessity to deal with what needs to be dealt with – you are bond to some uncomfortableness. But that’s also part of the beauty – you learn the connection between the incredible feeling of growth and success and doing the hard stuff. Your brains starts to see the connection more clearly and the priceless habit loop starts to shape.
“Healthy self-esteem asks that we leap into the arena – that we be willing to get our hands dirty.”
(Branden, The Six Pillars of self-Esteem,1995, p.123)
In practicality, this means I’m all about building self-esteem mainly through the book the six pillars of self-esteem written by Nathaniel Branden. It’s a tremendous hands on guide in how grow that solid self-esteem, and that’s why I’ve given it so much focus here on my channel, going through one pillar at the time. Every other week that is, because I always to rejection therapy challenges where I apply what I learned and go out there and practice some true self-esteem building action. Check out my playlist further down to watch some of those videos.
But so this week is – for the second time – all about being more assertive. It’s the most direct action you can take in order to grow your self-esteem as you’ll see and feel the result of it directly! Let’s hear what Nathaniel Branden himself has to say about it: –
“Self-assertiveness means honoring my wants, needs, and values and seeking appropriate forms of their expression in reality.
Its opposite is that surrender to timidity that consists of consigning myself to a perpetual underground where everything that I am lies hidden or stillborn-to avoid confrontation with someone whose values differ from mine, or to please, placate, or manipulate someone, or simply to “belong.”.
Self-assertion does not mean belligerence or inappropriate aggressiveness; it does not mean pushing to the front of the line or knocking other people over; it does not mean upholding my own rights while being blind or indifferent to everyone else’s. It simply means the willingness to stand up for myself, to be who I am openly, to treat myself with respect in all human encounters. It means the refusal to fake my person to be liked.”. (Branden, The Six Pillars of self-Esteem,1995, p.118)
The Objectives
#1 – Put on a rubber band around your wrist, and smack yourself with it every time you’re about to go into a social interaction – speak with clarity, try to communicate effectively, stand for your values believes and goals and be the person you truly want to be! Do that Monday through Friday and you’ll experience a tremendous feeling of growth!
#2 sentence completion exercises (I didn’t mention this in the video, but it’s always an option and a recommendation from the book)
“Sentence Completions to Facilitate Self-Assertiveness
Here are sentence stems that can facilitate reaching a deeper understanding
of self-assertiveness, as well as energizing its practice.
WEEK 2
If I brought more awareness to my deepest needs and wants
When I ignore my deepest yearnings-
If I were willing to say yes when I want to say yes and no when I want to say no-
If I were willing to voice my thoughts and opinions more often-
And on the weekend. after rereading the week’s stems, write six to ten endings for If any of what I have been writing is true, it might be helpful if I-.
Of course there are other ways to work with these stems. In my self-esteem groups, for instance, we might work with all the stems on this list in one three-hour session, speaking our endings aloud, then discussing our endings and their action-implications”
Good luck, and if there are any questions, write them in the comments and I’ll get back to you!
The Audiobook read by Nathaniel Branden (It starts on this chapter “The practice of Self-Assertiveness”):
“Acoustic guitar arrangement for song 3”, “Acoustic guitar arrangement for song 2” and “Acoustic guitar arrangement for song” by TRow is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
Hey You! In this video I’m going to tell you about the third pillar you need to understand and implement in order to grow self-esteem – The Practice of Self-acceptance. It’s based on the book the six Pillars of self-Esteem written by Nathaniel Branden and my personal experience from implementing the theory for the last six months. The shift in how I look at and act in life is just too great to not share with you!
I’ve already done a 12 min video on this topic, there I follow the chapter outline from the book more precisely while I in this video talk more from learnings and experiences from implementing it. I do recommend you to watch that one as well, link: https://youtu.be/-NfJVukXP_Q !
But firstly, let me introduce you to the structure of our personal development plan; every other week I give my full attention to focus in on one of these self-esteem building pillars:
The Practice of Living Consciously
The Practice of Self-Acceptance
The Practice of Self-Responsibility
The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
The Practice of Living Purposefully
The Practice of Personal Integrity
Then every other week I do some kind of rejection therapy challenges which really makes me practice and apply what I’ve learnt to grow my self -esteem. It’s A holy combo! Enough said, let’s get down to business.
What Is the practice of self-Responsibility & why is it important?
It is a simple as it sounds, it means owning your reality, it means not pushing down your real emotions and thoughts circling in the back of your head. Because that’s what we do, we avoid what really needs our attention because that means we can avoid doing something about it.
Why? Well it’s simple, it requires effort and hard work to do so – or at least that’s what we think! Many times the solution is so simple and all the energy and action we put into neglecting our reality is way more energy demanding than actually dealing with what needs to be dealt with. Now of course many of the actions we do need to take are hard and do requires some serious energy input, but that’s what’s life is about if you ask me.
Life would be so boring if we wouldn’t have had to put up a bit of a fight to get what we want! But you need to find ways to enjoy the process – and you make sure strategize and find ways of reaching the wanted outcome through a path that is best adapted to you! Some things you may think will be awful, may in fact after some thinking about it have a solution that actually is quite fun and enjoyable! But you see, we often even don’t reach this step of seeking appropriate actions because we’re not allowing ourselves to objectively look at the reality. Because many times, at face value, it just seems so hard that we choose to neglect it. Consciously or subconsciously. Our mind actively does everything in its power to hinder us from feeling pain in the short-term perspective. We simply push down these thoughts and emotions, or we cover them up with external attention needing actions like work, entertainment, food, training. We often mask it with other things that may require effort as well, but just less – which is better than just binge eating and watching a movie – but it still isn’t what we really need to do in order to progress to where we want to go in life.
If I’m not getting the results I want in area of life there’s two paths to go down; being a victim or stepping up and taking responsibility. For instance girls which has been the focus for me lately, I can actively choose to work on my skills for how to attract and meet the kind of woman I want to find, or I can just blame the external factors for everything that is stopping me.
They all have boyfriends – it’s a matter of volume, it’s up to me to skim through and talk to more women then!
We don’t seem to have so much in comment – then I need to put myself in contexts where there’s a higher likelihood of meeting someone who shares my interests.
I’m not able to have an interesting and engaging conversations – Then I need to develop my social skills, read books, actively practice in all contexts and evaluate and iterating on my body language and talking skills!
I don’t seem to be attractive enough – look’s has so much to do with appearance and appeared confidence; clothes & style, appropriate exercise for a fit body, working on my posture, etc.
Now this requires the practice of the two first pillars of how to build self-esteem, a high level of consciousness and acceptance. I can neglect the fact that I’m feeling a sense missing out when I see friends enjoy their company with their girlfriend/boyfriend. But if I decide to take it in and accept that I’m feeling those emotions, If I dare to go down that route, I may conclude that that is something I want as well. Or is just push the emotions down along with some tasty food and a season of Game of Thrones.
So the first step is to go down the route of a high state of consciousness to be able to realise that it’s something that’s not right! Then the second step requires the act of accepting that that this is the reality and that this is the reality and I’m actually feeling and thinking what I’m thinking and feeling – accepting the objective reality and the facts . Which then brings you to the step of taking responsibility – strategizing and finding the appropriate way for how to reach your desired outcome.
Sometimes we’ve realised that there is something wrong – we just steer avoid from dealing with it and sometimes we’ve don’t even practice a high enough level of consciousness to realise that there even is a problem needed to be addressed. And the thing is, once we’ve realised there is something that is “off” in our lives, it never really leaves us, it just drains us on energy!
In all life areas where we’re not currently were we want to be, there’s room for us to look at our reality and ask ourselves what we proactively can do to make that wanted outcome happen in an as efficient way as possible. “what would the ideal version of me do”? The real beauty of starting to practice this habit actively – not being a victim and taking full responsibility for everything in life – is that you autonomously start to proactively seek ways of improving your life. You’ll notice how it becomes less and less of an effort to seek the best suited way for you to do something. It gets imprinted in your brain that the route that requires the least amount of energy expenditure is the only way to do it. It’s like a natural biologic reaction of our body, which constantly seeks the most energy efficient state. What’s even better is that it’s SUPER fun! It feels like your tricking the system, life hacking your way through life. All this results in a dramatic personal development growth curve, which actually becomes more and more like an exciting life-hacking game!
So, It’s time to start taking 100% responsibility for what happens in your life, not to say that you can control all external factors that will impact your life – that’s just never going to happen – but, to make sure to REACT in the appropriate way when something that interrupts your world, for the better or worse, is handled in an as efficient matter as possible to make you move towards your ideal self as quickly and efficient as possible!
“Having worked with people for so many years with the aim of building self-esteem, I have always been on the lookout for decisive moments in psychotherapy, instances when a “click” seems to occur in the client’s mind and new forward motion begins. One of the most important of such moments is when the client grasps that no one is coming. No one is coming to save me; no one is coming to make life right for me; no one is corning to solve my problems. If I don’t do something, nothing is going to get better.
The dream of a rescuer who will deliver us may offer a kind of comfort, but it leaves us passive and powerless. We may feel If only I suffer long enough, if only I yearn desperately enough, somehow a miracle will happen, but this is the kind of self-deception one pays for with one’s life as it drains away into the abyss of unredeemable possibilities and irretrievable days, months, decades.” (Nathaniel Branden, The six Pillars of Self-Esteem, p. 116)
THE OBJECTIVES:
#1Each day I want you to live your day with this focus, try to be conscious and ware on what is happening in your life – ask yourself how the ideal version of yourself would had handled a specific situation? I strongly recommend to journal and reflect – it’s an incredible power in writing out your thoughts and being able do respond to yourself.
#2 Look at your different life areas and see on a general level if it’s something obvious you’re not dealing with, have one life area focus each day. Do I need to say it;) – journal!
Monday: Personal development & spirituality
Tuesday: Social & relationships
Wednesday: Health & wellbeing
Thursday: Work & career
Friday: Finances
#3 Sentence Completion Exercise:
In the book, Brendon Outlines some sentence completion exercises to every of the six pillars, that means writing 6-10 endings to each of these sentences, morning and evening, Monday through Friday. It may seem as an effort and quite boring to be frank, which it actually can be if you ask me, but it brings a you in a thinking mood and sets you day up to focus on this topic, and I’ve actually really found them to help me a lot to get a deeper understanding of the pillars.
Morning:
Self-responsibility to me means-
At the thought of being responsible for my own existence-
If I accepted responsibility for my own existence, that would mean When
I avoid responsibility for my own existence-
Evening:
If I accept 5 percent more responsibility for the attainment of my own goals-
When I avoid responsibility for the attainment of my goals-
If I took more responsibility for the success of my relationships-
Sometimes I keep myself passive by-
“The power of the method is that it generates shifts in the consciousness and orientation of the individual without lengthy “discussions” or “analyses.” The solution is largely generated from within. If you keep a journal and over time write six to ten endings for each of these incomplete sentences, not only will you learn a great deal but it will be almost impossible not to grow in the practice of self-responsibility. The best way of working is to do the week’s stems Monday through Friday, then do the weekend stem If any of what I have been writing is true, it might be helpful if 1- and then move on to the next week’s stem on Monday.”
(Nathaniel Branden, The six Pillars of Self-Esteem, p 115-116)
Good luck and commit to me in the comments if you’re up for the challenge!
In this week’s Rejection Therapy challenge the theme – for the second week – is relationships – GIRLS! I do rejection therapy challenges every other week, and every other week I do personal development work focused on building self-esteem with the help of the book The six pillars of self-esteem. But so, this week it is once more time to develop my relationships skills through the help of some serious rejection therapy efforts! The plan is simple, I’m supposed to approach as many girls as I can, flirt, create rapport and develop the skills necessary to increase my skills with women. This aligns with my goals in many ways; I want to meet the girl of my dreams one day, so I need to be prepared to show my best self when the opportunity emerges. Also, I have a goal of being able to talk with anyone anywhere – hence I need to develop my social skills.
The link I referred to in the video (SHORT VERSION) :
THE 5 SECOND RULE book:
END LAZINESS – Powerful Motivational Video for Success & Studying 2017
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My Objectives of the week is to:
#1: Go on a date
#2: Get a kiss
And as a sub mission, I’m going to attend at least one meet up – or going to a social event where the likelihood of meeting a girl with similar interest s of mine is higher! Also I’m giving extra attention to my body language, being assertive and speaking clearly!
YOUR Objectives:
– 5 Rejection Therapy Challenges throughout the week!
The Rules:
1# The request’s/question’s need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem.
2# That means you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; rather tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes.
Some tips along the way:
· Plan what you are going to do and say – or at least have the overall gameplay outlined! Unclarity will be a reason to hesitate when you are about to do what you are going to do – that’s my own experience!
· Don’t let time play with you psyche, the longer you wait with the approach, the worse it’s going to get. JUST DO IT!
· Remember, that no matter how shitty you feel before you do it, the reward that awaits you on the other side, will greatly make up for that!
A playlists with some videos on Rejection Therapy and tips related to it:
Jia Jiang’s 100 days of Rejection Therapy ( The guy who inspired me to start this)
Are you up for the challenge? Let me know what kind of rejection challenges you plan to do – and if you’ve already done it – tell me how it went!
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Music:
The Rover by S Strong https://soundcloud.com/stelios_strong
Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b…
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Posting schedule:
SUNDAYS: New Weekly Personal Development Challenge
WEEK DAYS: Depending on the challenge, but at least one Video/Vlog at the Wednesdays
FRIDAY: Evaluation of Week Challenge
In this video I talk about the importance of the practice of self-acceptance, how it’s key for building Self-esteem and how you should go about raising your level of acceptance in your life. It’s all based on my own experience of applying part two of the book Second pillar (from the book the Six Pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden ) – THE PRACTICE OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE.
Link to the full text where I’ve posted some extract from this chapter from the book:
What & Why: Facing up to reality and tweak and adapts as a result of that in order to grow past your old state into an improved version of yourself. When you stop deceiving yourself from what is actually going on, your self-esteem will raise and you will start putting more faith in you actions and ability to make things happen – you will see the benefits of your changes, realise it’s all for the better and continue that growth journey.
EXTRACTS FROM THE BOOK:
“Without self-acceptance, self-esteem is impossible. In fact, it is so intimately bound up with self-esteem that one sometimes sees the two ideas confused. Yet they are different in meaning, and each needs to be understood in its own right. Whereas self-esteem is something we experience, self-acceptance is something we do. Stated in the negative, self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself. The concept has three levels of meaning, and we will consider each of them in turn.”
(The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p. 90, Nathaniel Branden.)
“The First Level
“To be self-accepting is to be on my own side-to be for myself. In the most fundamental sense, self-acceptance refers to an orientation of selfvalue and self-commitment that derives from the fact that I am alive and conscious. As such, it is more primitive than self-esteem. It is a prerational,<premoral act of self-affirmation-a kind of natural egoism that is the birthright of every human being and yet that we have the power to act against and nullify.
Some people are self-rejecting at so deep a level that no growth work can even begin until and unless this problem is addressed. If it is not, no treatment will hold, no new learning will be properly integrated, no significant advances can be made. Psychotherapists who do not understand
this problem or do not detect its presence will be baffled as to why certain clients, even after years of therapy, show no important improvement. Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself” (The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.90-91, Nathaniel Branden.)
The Second Level
“Self-acceptance entails our willingness to experience-that is, to make real to ourselves, without denial or evasion-that we think what we think, feel what we feel, desire what we desire, have done what we have done, and are what we are. It is . the refusal to regard any part of ourselves-our bodies, our emotions, our thoughts, our actions, our dreams-as alien, as “not me.” It is our willingness to experience rather than to disown whatever may be the facts of our being at a particular moment-to think our thoughts, own our feelings, be present to the reality of our behavior.”
“The willingness to experience and accept our feelings carries no implication that emotions are to have the last word on what we do. I may not be in the mood to work today; I can acknowledge my feelings, experience them, accept them-and then go to work. I will work with a clearer mind because I have not begun the day with selfdeception. ”
“If I am thinking these disturbing thoughts, I am thinking them; I accept the full reality of my experience. If I am feeling pain or anger or fear or inconvenient lust, I am feeling it-what is true, is true-I do not rationalize, deny, or attempt to explain away. I am feeling what I am feeling and I accept the reality of my experience. If I have taken actions of which I am later ashamed, the fact remains that I have taken them that is reality-and I do not twist my brain to make facts disappear. I am willing to stand still in the presence of what I know to be true. What is, is.”
“To “accept” is more than simply to “acknowledge” or “admit.” It is to experience, stand in the presence of, contemplate the reality of, absorb. into my consciousness. I need to open myself to and fully experience unwanted emotions, not just perfunctorily recognize them. For example,
suppose my wife asks me, “How are you feeling?” and I answer in a tense, distracted manner, “Rotten.” Then she says sympathetically, “I see that you are really feeling depressed today.” Then I sigh, the tension begins to flow out of my body, and in an altogether different (one of voice-the voice of someone who is now real to himself-I say, “Yes, I am feeling miserable, really miserable,” and then I begin to talk about what is bothering me. When, with my body tensed to resist the experience of my feelings, I had answered “Rotten,” I was denying my emotion at the same time that I was acknowledging it. My wife’s sympathetic response helped me to experience it, which cleared the way for me to begin to deal with it. Experiencing our feelings has direct healing power.”
“I can acknowledge some fact and move on with such speed that I only imagine I am practicing self-acceptance; I am really practicing denial and self-deception. Suppose my supervisor is trying to explain why something I have done on the job was a mistake. She speaks benevolently and without recriminations, and yet I am irritable, impatient, and wish she would stop talking and go away. While she is talking, I am obliged to stay with the reality of having made an error. When she is gone I can banish the reality from my consciousness – I admitted my mistake, isn’t that enough? – wich increases the likelihood that I will make the error, or one like it, again.” (The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.92-93, Nathaniel Branden.)
Self-acceptance is the precondition of change and growth. Thus, if I am confronted with a mistake I have made, in accepting that it is mine I am free to learn from it and to do better in the future. I cannot learn from a mistake I cannot accept having made.
If I refuse to accept that often I live unconsciously, how will I learn to live more consciously? If I refuse to accept that often I live irresponsibly, how will I learn to live more responsibly? If I refuse to accept that often I live passively, how will I learn to live more actively? I cannot overcome a fear whose reality I deny. I cannot correct a problem in the way I deal with my associates if I will not admit it exists. I cannot change traits I insist I do not have. I cannot forgive myself for an action I will not acknowledge having taken. A client once became angry with me when I attempted to explain these ideas to her. “How do you expect me to accept my abysmally low level of self-esteem?” she demanded indignantly. “If you do not accept the reality of where you are now, “I answered, “how do you imagine you can begin to change?” To understand this point, we must remind ourselves that “accepting” does not necessarily mean “liking,” “enjoying,” or “condoning.” I can accept what is-and be determined to evolve from there. It is not acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck. I cannot be truly for myself, cannot build self-esteem, if I cannot accept myself. (The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p. 93, Nathaniel Branden.)
The Third Level
Self-acceptance entails the idea of compassion, of being a friend to myself. Suppose I have done something that I regret, or of which I am ashamed, and for which ‘I reproach myself. Self-acceptance does not deny reality, does not argue that what is wrong is really all right, but it inquires into the context in which the action was taken. It wants to understand the why. It wants to know why something that is wrong or inappropriate felt desirable or appropriate or even necessary at the time.
We do not understand another human being when we know only that what he or she did is wrong, unkind, destructive, or whatever. We need to know the internal considerations that prompted the behavior. There is always some context in which the most offensive actions can have their own kind of sense. This does not mean they are justified, only that they can be understandable. I can condemn some action I have taken and still have compassionate interest in the motives that prompted it. I can still be a friend to myself. This has nothing to do with alibiing, rationalizing, or avoiding responsibility. After! take responsibility for what I have done, I can go deeper into the context. A good friend might say to me, “This was unworthy of you. Now tell me, What made it feel like a good idea, or at least a defensible one?” This is what I can say to myself. (The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.94, Nathaniel Branden.)
The Objectives of this week:
#3: Check in at yourself – pause what you’re doing and raise your level of awareness – at least five times a day and apply this method:
“Both accepting and disowning are implemented through a combination of mental and physical processes. The act of experiencing and accepting our emotions is implemented through (1) focusing on the feeling or emotion, (2) breathing gently and deeply, allowing muscles to relax, allowing the feeling to be felt, and (3) making real that this is my feeling (which we call owning it). ” )
AND DON’T DO THIS:
“In contrast, we deny and disown our emotions when we 0) avoid awareness of their reality, (2) constrict our breathing and tighten our muscles to cut off or numb feeling, and (3) disassociate ourselves from our own experience (in which state we are often unable to recognize our feelings). When we allow ourselves to experience our emotions and accept them, sometimes this allows us to move to a deeper level of awareness where important information presents itself.
And then the next step is to do some reflection and root cause analysis concerning your feelings and emotions – what has triggered it, what are the facts, how would your ideal self react? DON’T go hard on your-self, be your own best friend, things happen, we do mistakes – it’s human. Shame will never solve anything, it only worsen the situation. But GUILD is good, that means it’s a behaviour we can change.
(The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.94, Nathaniel Branden.)
#2: Sentence completion exercise
Sentence Completions to Facilitate Self-Acceptance
“As rapidly as possible, without pausing for reflection, write as many endings for that sentence as you can in two or three minutes (never fewer than six, but ten is enough). Do not worry if your endings are literally true, make sense, or are “profound.” Write anything, but write something.”
“What follows is a five-week sentence-completion program designed to facilitate self-acceptance. It is more detailed than the exercises offered for the other pillars because, having taught these ideas for many years, I find that people often have more difficulty fully grasping self-acceptance than any other practice I recommend
Notice that I include stems dealing with issues I have not explicitly discussed, such as accepting conflicts or accepting excitement. For example, if I can accept my conflicts, I can deal with them and move toward resolving them; and if not, not. If I can accept my excitement, I can live it, I can look for appropriate outlets; if I am afraid of my excitement and try to extinguish it, I may kill the best part of myself. Fairly complex ideas are embedded in these stems. They bear studying and thinking about, and they entail many more implications than I can explore here.
MORNINGS:
Self-acceptance to me means-
If I am more accepting of my body-
When I deny and disown my body-
If I am more accepting of my conflicts-
EVENINGS:
When I deny or disown my conflicts-
If I am more accepting of my feelings-
When I deny and disown my feelings-
If I am more accepting of my thoughts-
When I deny and disown my thoughts-
On the weekends, read over you have written and then write six to ten endings for If any of what I have written is true, it would be helpful if l -. “
( The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.85, 101, Nathaniel Branden)
#3 – The mirror exercise
“Stand in front of a full-length mirror and look at your face and body. Notice your feelings as you do so. I am asking you to focus not on your clothes or your makeup but on you. Notice if this is difficult or makes you
uncomfortable. It is good to do this exercise naked. You will probably like some parts of what you set; more than others. If you are like most people, you will find some parts difficult to look at for long because they agitate or displease you. In your eyes there may be a pain you do not want to confront. Perhaps you are too fat or too thin. Perhaps there is some aspect of your body you so dislike that you can hardly bear to keep looking at it. Perhaps you see signs of age and cannot bear to stay connected with the thoughts and emotions these signs evoke. So the impulse is to escape, to flee from awareness, to reject, deny, disown aspects of your self.
Still, as an experiment, I ask you to stay focused on your image in the mirror a few moments longer, and say to yourself, “Whatever my defects or Imperfections, I accept myself unreservedly and completely.” Stay focused, breathe deeply, and say this over and over again for a minute or two without rushing the process. Allow yourself to experience fully the meaning of your words. You may find yourself protesting, “But I don’t like certain things about my body, so how can I accept them unreservedly and completely?” But remember: “Accepting”does not necessarily mean “liking.” “Accepting” does not mean we cannot imagine or wish for changes or improvements. It means experiencing, without denial or avoidance, that a fact is a fact. In this case, it means accepting that the face and body in the mirror are your face and body and that they are what they are. If you persist, if you surrender to the reality of what is, if you surrender to awareness (which is what “accepting” ultimately means), you may notice that you have begun to relax a bit and perhaps feel more comfortable with yourself, and more real. Even though you may not like or enjoy everything you see when you look in the mirror, you are still able to say, “Right now, that’s me. And I don’t deny the fact. I accept it.” That is respect for reality.”
(The Six Pillars of self-esteem, p.95, Nathaniel Branden)
GOOD LUCK!
/Alexander Nilsson
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Music :
SIA – CHANDELIER (piano instrumental cover) by Benny Martin Piano is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
