Routine #1 – Daily fear facing:

– Cold shower

Haven’t been any daily cold showers lately. But when I stood there this morning, 04,55 that realization hit me with a fear slap. F*ck. Must do it now. Embrace yourself, here we goo! It was nice.

– Third time for the win

Monday, Tuesday and today Wednesday. I’ve dared to challenge myself to a super intense fasted focused work day. Ending it with an equally intense workout. During the workout, I reflected upon these days, and there for sure has been some drawbacks. As I also mentioned in yesterday’s blog. But perhaps the biggest one has been when I’ve ended it. When I’ve lowered the guard. Because then my willpower totally has gone out the window, and I haven’t been able to edit a video effectively. Which really is something I need to get done as well. Yeah, it’s an intense period right now.

This got me thinking about the “will-power-theory” stating that we have a limited amount of willpower to use up during the day. Unless we are being very smart about it and recharge. Which I haven’t been able to. This was just a reflection, but I for sure think there’s a middle way to make it work. Not being so hardcore throughout the day. Overall there for sure still has been a pay-off worth it. I’ve gotten to know a new Alex these past days, and I’m impressed.

The second reflection I made is how this relates to fears. This whole thing with putting up a challenge and going for it. When I look at it as fear action, I’m able to push myself to a whole new level. But it can be broken down to several more layers of fears. I believe the main fear, at least for me, is to dare to put up the challenge. That’s what gets me started. Dare to say “okay, I’m not going to eat for 20 hours now. I’m not going to do anything but work on this task now.” Putting it out there means I run the risk of disappointing myself. And to me, that’s the worst thing ever. That’s one of the benefits of working on your self-esteem. Living with integrity – words and behaviours match.

But then there are all the follow-up fears related to the action. Like working focused and not procrastinating for example – staying in the uncomfortableness and doing the tough actions. Pushing through, writing that sentence, making that call, taking time to plan for what comes next. But it starts with daring to take on the challenge. Identifying it and then naming it.

This is actually how I look at fears after reflecting upon it today:

1. Awareness – Identify and name your fears fear

2. Call your bluff stories

3. Take action

Anyways, in an effort to squeeze the very last willpower out of me today. I’m putting up a evening challenge – removing temptations. No Facebook or Gmail this evening. It’s going to be great. Aah, Just throwing it out there makes me so hungry to win over myself!

Routine #2 – Doing something New

I’m going to be listening to a Swedish stand-up routine while cooking my food. Laughing some! Hopefully. That is as soon as I hit post on this one?.

See you tomorrow, Fear Facer,

/Alex

Routine #2 – Doing something New

See you tomorrow, Fear Facer,

/Alex

Routine #1 – Daily fear facing:

 – Dare to challenge myself, again

Yesterday I put up a fasting challenge and going hardcore focus on one task. It was amazing. And so was the fasted workout I did afterwards. Or well, I actually I took an EAA drink just before the workout. But 40 kcal of energy doesn’t really give you any energy boost. Not that I needed it, because the energy yesterday was intense.

But so when I woke up today, I was a bit curious to see if I could repeat yesterday’s doing. However, subconsciously it scared me so I never fully articulated these thoughts. At first. Because then my awareness radar beeped, and I identified the fear. I still had a ton of work to do and really could benefit from another super Productive day.

So, repeat Challenge: Super focused work day punctuated with a strength workout. All fasted. Reward: Evening dinner.

And once again, here I am. Just having finished an AMAZING WORK DAY & A BLOD PUMPING CHEST/TRICEPS WORKOUT. I don’t know if it’s the fasting, my ability to stay focused to the all-in determination, or if it’s a combination of it all. But I’m living it, I’m loving it and I’m repeating it.

– Express my type of humour

We have an internal social media platform kind of like Facebook. It also has a wall where You can post whatever on. Usually, it’s related to a business or some kind of event that has happened. Anyways, I’d taken a picture of one of my colleges last week. Which he and I had a discussion about yesterday as he thought I didn’t come off happy on pictures.

So today I felt like messing around a bit with him and posted the picture on the wall with a humoristic funny tone to it. Making it a questionnaire about what his thoughts were. It was all in good spirit and it was a really nice picture. It felt a bit out of my comfort zone, but it was an expression of my type of humour and who I am – so I did it.

Later during the day one of my other colleges said that she didn’t get the point of the post. I explained but I’m not sure that she thought it was that funny. Hard to tell, and you know where my worst-case-scenario-brain instinctively goes. But it doesn’t matter as long as I didn’t hurt anyone. Which I really don’t think I did! And I still think it was funny. But I couldn’t help but to be a bit anxious about it. But this is good practice, standing up for who you are and expressing that can be really tough!

Routine #2 – Doing something New

– ….

As the time right now is closing in on 17,00, I haven’t been able to do something new. Yet. Or well, when I think about it I tried a new Green Tea flavour today. That was nice. But I’m in the mood for something more, so we’ll see what the evening has to offer!

See you tomorrow, Fear Facer,

/Alex

Hey you, hope your week is off to a good start!

Routine #1 – Daily fear facing:

 – Dare to challenge myself

08:17 –  Okay, haven’t’ faced any fears today, yet. But I’m going to put one out here to challenge myself to do it… A big part of the fear facing is daring to go for it. Even though you know you may fail. That’s as scary as the action in itself.

So my challenge is a combined fear of 20 hours fast and my fear of sitting down to finalize my presentation material. The thing is, today is probably the only day I won’t be hijacked by all the other musts at work. So the plan, the fear, is to clear my schedule and ONLY focus on this until it’s 95% done. The reward will be that I’m allowed to eat this afternoon. If I’m done that is:).

Had to put this one out here, otherwise, I wouldn’t dare to throw myself into it. Wish me good luck. Social commitment for the win!

Update:  18:17

So how did it go? Well, the focus and intensity I’ve had throughout my workday have been on a new level. Out of this world. With the fasting and the outcome-based goal, I’ve just killed it. Nothing was able to put me off my track. I made quick good decisions and I was productive as heck. Knowing that eating wasn’t even an option made me totally let go of it. No energy waste on cravings for the soon to come food, as it tends to be. I Just worked super concentrated with short breaks. Breaks I had to force myself to, only to not fu*k up my body. Even though some other small things I needed attend came up, I handled them with precision in a way that impressed myself.

“Damn, good job Alex. Good job”

 

– Social Fears

Besides this, I also had some minor social fear facing. But it came with relative ease due to my state. Very fascinating.

Routine #2 – Doing something New

– Went to the gym in the afternoon. Fasted.

I haven’t had an afternoon strength exercise in ages. Partly due to my deeply implemented morning routine, starting the day off with a workout. But also, because I’ve adopted this belief that I’ll just be hungry and tired after work. Almost like it can’t be done. Fixed mindset. I sure proved myself wrong.

As I’m currently at the gym at the point of writing this, winding down on the bike. I must conclude that I haven’t experienced a workout like this in… Actually, it’s a new kind of experience. I think the combination of the incredible flow state and focus I’ve had throughout the day has put me in some kind of superstate. The energy, the intensity, the strength. I can literally feel how I’ve got tunnel vision, but in a good intense way. At least in this context. It’s like I’m on some kind of drug. I’ve had an incredible workout. A workout I’ll look back at thinking –

Man, I wish I’d get that again.

I don’t know what my conclusion of this experience is. But the fact is that me daring to throw myself into this challenge, was the best thing that could’ve happened today. Yes, that’s a total exaggeration. But you’re smart enough to figure that out.

So, did I finish? No, not quite. But I put in such a good effort that I consider it a win, and I don’t believe I could have done it in a much better way. With that being said (and felt), I’m going to treat myself with a dinner after more than 20 hours of fasting and an amazing day. Today I experienced a new Alex I look forward to seeing more of.

See you tomorrow, Fear facer,

/Alex

Routine #1 – Daily fear facing:

 – Ops, I did it again

Went for another gymnastic dance group thingy at my gym. The same as last Sunday. Just as then, I tried to come up with logic and convincing enough stories for not doing it. In the end, I won and decided to join 5 minutes before it started. Again, the main argument was that it wasn’t a tough enough workout for me.

I really enjoyed it, and I managed to stay much more relaxed and not care what others thought of my sometimes crazily uncoordinated moves. For sure was one of my top moments of the day. Just Being immersed in myself and the movements during the dance/gymnastics class

Routine #2 – New thing:

 – Team Work

Did a joint edit together with my friend for a project, interesting, fun and effective!

Not much writing today, been editing for 15 hours! Finally ready, and ready for bed 🙂

See you tomorrow:)

/Alex

Routine #1 – Daily fear facing:

 – Went out and asked some people if they wanted to dance with me.

 Haha… I LOOVE when I can’t help but to start this blog with a feeling of just PURE joy because of my fear facing activities. I’m more and more certain that I’m on to something good with my daily fear facing routine.

Some weeks ago, I spoke about trying to have myself a weekly mini adventure to make me experience more! I defined it to focus on the experience, not the time or scale of it. It should entail at least 3 out of these 4:

– New people, or people you haven’t seen in a while

– Excitement

– New Environments

– Fear Facing

Looking back at it now, I’m realizing I should revise it as you – in my book at least – can’t have excitement without some kind of fear present. Hence I’m revising!

And today I had myself a little fear facing adventure. Now I won’t go into the details of what went down, you’ll just have to watch tomorrow’s video to find out. But the short story is that I sat out on a quest to find someone that could teach me how to dance! And boy was it an adventure!

Since the three hour that has passed since it ended, I’ve been walking on clouds. Smiling, singing out loud and just genuinely happy. Even had a spontaneous super nice moment with the cashier at the grocery store, couldn’t help but to engaging in a fun conversation with her. And I know it was a mutual experience as she gave me a discount without me even asking for it! Like I just can’t but to scream out loud

“I LOVE LIFE”

My point is, go out there and face some fears. You might just end up as happy as me. Haha… I love when I can refer to myself as some kind of measure stick;).

– Routine #2 – New thing:

 – Picture Picture

Took some photographs. Usually I only do video, but lately, I’ve been more curious at taking photos too. Being a car lover and all, I couldn’t help myself when walked past this beauty. It was a new really nice experience, and I know feel hungry for more every time I’m looking at my new wallpaper.

 …Also, the whole going out and trying to dance publicly for sure was something I hadn’t done before.

What fears have you been facing today?

🙂

See you tomorrow, fear facer,

/Alex

Now I don’t share what in this little blog in some narcists way to get seen and heard. What I write here I usually keep to myself. I do my daily journaling and reflection even if I don’t always share it with you guys. Perhaps a bit more thought goes into making sure it sounds good here, but the core of it still the same. I’ve been doing so for years. Because it gives me so much in return. I’m my own shrink. But just as important, net to my journaling ( I write everything in Onenote) I also keep track of my actions. My routines. Facing fears, trying new things, workouts, meditation etc. All that helps me be my very best, daily. At least helps a whole lot.

I share all this when I’m stupid enough to challenge myself to take on an intense blog period, because I believe it can serve you too. That’s it, that’s all.

Damn, I’m tired. Been a real hustle of a day. Still,  I’ve managed to stay true to the newfound deeply grounded great mood (check out the video further down). And I’ll know it’ll be there when I wake up tomorrow too. Now, some very short presentation of today’s fears.

                                                     Routine #1 – The daily fear facing:

• Did a live stream this morning, and then also posted it in the facebook group comfort zone hackers.
• Dared to sit my as down and do nothing but finish my essay I had to write. Managed to finish it just in time.
• Allowed me to just be and think without directly going into work mood in the morning. It’s a big thing for me to let go of that control.

Routine #2 – New thing:

• Tried a new thing in my Live stream:

Now I’m going to sleep sooo soo well!!

See you tomorrow, Fear facer,

/Alex

 – You know it’s going to be a great day when you randomly, without even a second of hesitation or reflection, stop the smiling woman walking towards you and tell her to keep glowing and spreading that joy!

05,30 – Ahh, just woke up and I’m so excited for the day! Not only did I have all these great dreams. Met with old friends, talked to some girls, drove around in some crazy buss like a big field trip – A real adventure! Love it. The excitement in my parallel life. And the best of all is that it sets the mood for the rest of the day.

That’s also why the bad dreams tend to set the mood for the rest of the day. Or well, you start in an uphill! It’s even worse when you don’t remember that bad shit that went down so you can’t rationalize yourself out of it. You’re just left with a feeling of something being horribly wrong! That’s when gratefulness, positive self-talk, journaling, workout, good music, cold showers, meditation or some motivational videos really play a huge importance! Luckily that wasn’t today? …Although I still did all those things!

The second reason for why this is an amazing day is thanks to my mindset change of last night. As I wrote about in yesterday’s blog­, it’s been so much lately with all my different projects overwhelming me. Where my daily 5 minutes minimum of meditation being the only time free from all the musts.

But I woke up yesterday. The ignition point being the video I linked yesterday. And a build up towards a feeling of something being fundamentally wrong with my state of being. The video itself wasn’t that special or something I haven’t heard before, but it unlocked my previous way of thinking. To not take life to serious, to make got damn sure to enjoy it. To take action and do the very best I can. Not overanalyse or think too much. Just do it! And do it for my sake in first hand. If I’m not happy, I can’t help others to be either.

The video for sure didn’t say all that, but I did. I don’t know how, but somehow, I just managed to shake all the downer emotions off. Because the feeling within today is just… And I know It will stick!

Enough said, let’s get into some small daily fear facing action. As I’ve said so many times before, it’s not about the big things, it’s about implementing a behaviour and mindset always close at hand. By doing small things daily, you’ll have the momentum to do bigger things once the opportunity pops up! And I say this by experience.

 – The treadmill push

Such a push at the treadmill. I was just going to have an easy jog while working through some thoughts of mine for a career goal meeting that was scheduled for later. But I started to pull in that little string that I felt lurking around in the back of my head.

“You’re on a treadmill Alex. You have the potential to make this a great exercise, pushing yourself. Proving to yourself that you’re the kind of person that does the hard thing. Because you know greatness lays on the other side of that wall. “

I try to generalize all nuances of fears to just being “a fear”. Then It’s simple – I have to do it if it aligns with my goals or values. Knowing a tough and painful workout awaits is scary as shit. To dare to enter that uncomfortable state of mind. To endure those physical pains. I’d say it’s probably one of the biggest reasons for why in 9 out 10 cases do all my training in the morning. That means I don’t have to walk around thinking about what lays ahead.  Can just rip the bandage straight off. As I’ve said before, meet your fears as soon as you can, and you are more likely to follow through.

Speaking of letting myself down, one of the other big reasons for me fearing a tough workout is that I might quit on myself. Leaving myself disappointed. And If I don’t try, I can’t disappoint myself. So, the easy fix is to not. But that’s just a bad excuse. FACING THE FEAR IS THE CHALLENGE THE BIG CHALLENGE, the outcome is secondary.

Anyways – the identified fear was out there. Make a killer workout out of this. Now I’m not saying all workout should be this way, but I knew I had it in my today! So, I sat the speed at 13 km/h and then I just ran and ran and kept slowly increasing it. I maxed out my pulse at 187 towards the last two minutes at 16 km/h. It was an amazing intense 5+ km run that just kicked the day of in a wonderful way. Only thanks to being aware enough to identify that fear, and then daring to challenge myself.

 – The fear

Then after a easier downtempo jog, I left the gym. Just as I exited a smiling woman was walking in my direction. I could see her smile 10 meters away. It just made me even more happy, and without a blink of an eye I stopped her and said:

“Excuse me, but I just love the way you smile. It makes me and so many else so happy. Promise me you’ll keep doing that, and I’ll love you for it!”

She smiled even more and promised to continue spreading the joy.

– The office mingle party

I think It was Monday I wrote about how I signed up to this office mingle party, but dreaded for it. Historically social gathering used to be very tough on me. Social anxiety. Social hangover – self-critical and judgemental thoughts. This time perhaps more about the fear of losing my valuable evening time. But there never was any anxiety or fear present to day. Not Building up to the thing or during it. I just had a great time, mingled and talked to new people and had some great food. Just a very nice evening. So hear it was only fear of fear that never happened. What a waste!

As the clock closes in to 22, I’m even more certain than ever that coming period will be a great one. The mood for sure persisted. Everything just felt right. It’s rather effortless to speak my mind and be myself. I felt so at home at the office. Not like an outcast that accidently ended up behind this desk. The fraud waiting to get caught. No, I felt like I belonged in a way I hadn’t before in this context. And I loved it.

See you tomorrow, Fear facer,

/Alex

Routine #1 – The daily fear facing:

– Letting fun easy going Alex out

Yesterday was kind of a rough day. So many things to do and no idea how to make it all happen in time. It got to me. To my mood and to my social interactions. Today that’s not going to happen. And I started out breaking yesterday’s role by coming into the office and being my genuine happy self.

Speaking up, being energetic, interacting and engaging with people in an easy going way that brings joy and laughter. That’s me when I’m myself and not held back by myself. But often I sink in and let both internal and external shit impact me. Like now with the heavy the workload. It could also be that I’ve just slept bad, and it makes me lose all my energy. And I get stuck in that role. Breaking out of it is both hard and scary. This also relates to being a certain kind of person with certain people, it’s hard to shift that once you’re there.

But today I decided to be that person! And it felt really good, especially in the morning when I had my energy levels up. Then I fell apart some.  But ended it really good as I’ve just sold a couple of things and had some great interactions with some lovely people here! More to it – there’s a new opportunity to be my best self tomorrow?.

– Shared my interests

Had lunch with a new guy. Started talking about interests, and we got to my passion for editing and video making. I didn’t mention the YouTube channel at first, it’s always a tough topic for me to address. I don’t know what it is. Or well, I guess it’s because I’m afraid of what people – COLLEAGUES – would think of a 30-year-old man running around facing fears with a camera. BUT I know that’s just horse shit. That’s not how I intend to live my life. Fear identified – fear faced. I spoke up and it Felt good.

– Giving a stranger a compliment

On my way home, a lady walked past me with a nice hat! So after having identified the fear of interacting with her and saying that – I did so. I love giving genuine compliments. People always get so happy. My boss had this super nice sweater yesterday, which I told him. Not in any way because I’m a suck up, but because I honestly thought so. And he got so happy for me saying so.

Don’t ever hold back on expressing your positive thoughts and emotions.  Or well, I’m sure there are some moments… ?

Routine #2 – Doing  a new thing:

 I always have a 4- minute mini meditation before my evening dinner. Tried having it afterwards this time instead. Was really nice, and it punctuated the meal. Usually, I tend to never stop eating once I’ve started in the evening and now I did. Sweet!

See you tomorrow, Fear facer

/Alex

P.S. Video of the day that I really needed. Love the feeling it left me with. 5,4,3,2,1.. LOVE LIFE!

Routine #1 – The daily fear facing:

–  Working on the Presentation

Okay, so this isn’t a new fear. But a recurrent one. As I’ve mentioned earlier, our company is having a big conference in Croatia in 2,5 weeks. And I’ve been asked to do a presentation. It’s been a while since I did any public speaking like this. I Guess in the university like 2,5 years ago was the last time.

Last week I wrote about the fear of sitting down and working with this. But after pushing through and really throwing myself into it intensively for two days, I started feeling good about it. Then I let it go as I had other more urgent work to focus on . That was until today when I got reminded of it.

Having a second look at your work after having distancing yourself from it is really good. But it’s also awful. My new pair of eyes checked me in with reality. I have so much work left. So yet again I had to really force myself to work on it. It’s just so tough on you when you are overthrown by the feeling of overwhelmingness. So much to do. Where to start… Then you just want to – try to – flee instead.

I mean there’s literally nothing new here in comparison to what I wrote last week. The far is the same, and it’s big. And I will come to the same solution and conclusion as I did then. Break it down, focus on one thing at the time and ground yourself with your why. Stay aware and present so you know that you’re doing the right thing. Reason and talk to yourself, either out loud or in writing. Look at the positive outcome of what you’re trying to accomplish and remind yourself of why.

Non-juicy extracts from the inside of Alex Mind in an anxiety-filled moment:

App app, Alex – don’t you dare answer that text message now or check that email. Nothing critical is going to happen within the 25 minutes of working time you’ve got left before the break. Take a deep breath, put down the phone, and go back to work.

The Seminar really intimidates and scare me so much right now. The pressure of doing a really good one. Having the moment to impact… Argh! Be sound Alex. Make it basic without trying to complicate things. That’s when you’ll do it well. Talk about your experiences. You have a ton of it. Make it memorable and focus on the main message. Face Your Fears. Instead of trying to come up with this one holy framework that will solve everybody’s problems. That has been done, and it hasn’t worked. Inspire to action – it’s as simple as that. Story tell and connect. And I know this won’t come without a struggle, but that’s the thing – I’m willing to take on this struggle.

One big key factor to growth is repetition. Having the patience to work with one thing over and over without giving up on it. Find what works for you, and then keep doing and perfecting that.

After years of personal development, I’ve realised that even if you find something that is quite suboptimal – that will more likely give better results then trying new things all the time. Because then you don’t give it the required time to evaluate how good it actually was for you. And you’ll most likely even give up on the stuff that really is the shit. Meditation is a perfect example of when this easily happens. Trust the process.

 Identified fears:

As I walked home today I realised I hadn’t been saying high or talking to strangers the way I used to. Been so much with my new work role that I’ve just been using it as a empty my mind walk home. BUT, it just went up on the fear list. So tomorrow I’ve decided to interact with at least one person.

Routine #2 – Doing a New thing:

Nothing exciting today, on the contrary – relaxing! Listened to an hour of Pan flute music.

To be truthful, when I started writing I hadn’t done anything. Realizing this made me ask myself what new thing I could do. “what new thing can you do today alex?” And listening to a new kind of music is always an easy way out. However, easy doesn’t necessary mean bad. As I’ve almost been listening for an hour know it was super nice – relaxing in a refreshing way. Made it one of the top moments of the day. S

See you tomorrow, Fear facer,

/Alex

Routine #1 – The daily fear facing:

– Office Fears

Just got home from a super intense 12-hour workday. Fun, exciting, and full of small fear facing moments. Here’s the three that impacted me the most.

1. I had meeting with one of my bosses concerning different possibilities for me moving forward. One of the alternatives are making me a bit hesitant, and to be frank, scares the crap out of me. I’m afraid it’s going to jeopardize the ability for me to handle my new part-time marketing role.

I had felt an urge to express these emotions, and I knew my body language already were at times. It would put me in a vulnerable and unconformable position, and I wouldn’t want to come off as a complainer. I just wanted to come clean with my worries. More to it, my fear facing muscle needed closure as It was something I had identified as a fear of mine a couple of days ago.

So I said all that. Now, I’m not sure whether that was the smartest move or not. But it felt damn good, and it really made me feel like I was true to myself. I’m the kind of person that express my concerns and opinions, that’s a value I hold high and want to live by. Self-esteem boosted.

2. I accepted an after-work office mingle event with food and activities this Thursday. These things are so hard for me to attend. SO HARD. I feel that I have so much other stuff to do that is much more important. However, getting to know your colleagues, having fun together and eat some good food should be prioritized.

Frankly, this is actually one of my biggest fears in life. To not constantly be productive and do things that move me forward. Like creating a video or working on some project. The thing is, building strong social connections is one of the most effective ways of doing this. New opportunities most often come through engagement with other people. By sharing your ideas, intentionally or unintentionally. Which is something I need to remind myself of more often.

I still feel bad about doing this on Thursday, and my mind will try hard to come up with all kinds of excuses to get me out of it. It has already done a good job of that. But I’m determined to make this event the fear facing action of the day Thursday. Please check up on me ?.

2. Needed some information from a person. Safe route – email my questions. The identified fear route – call and practice some rapport building. Went for the fear inducing one. So glad for that! Ending up having a 40-minute conversation with loads of laughter. That’s in-between all the good information I got out in a way that never would had been able in an efficient wat through emailing.

Routine #2 – Doing new things:

– No refills

Today it was more about what I DIDN’T do. You see, I have a special relationship to food. It’s what you would call a love-hate one. Anyways, one of my other bosses took me out for a lunch meeting. It was a bufee. Now we’re really talking love-hate relationship. I don’t think I’ve ever walked out of one not being completely stuffed. With food and anxiety. Today I didn’t. I just took one normally sized plate. And no refills. One-year-ago-Alex would have fainted if he heard this.

Walking out of there I felt so got damn proud. And it has grown on me throughout the day. Now the deeper reasons for why this had such an impact is a story for another day. But the way it happened is what impresses me here. Mostly I did it to get my “try-something-new” checkbox checked so I could let it go for today. It just proves how much these things do. When things aren’t  “I should”, but “I must”. Then we make sure to do it, and the results keeps coming. Without that much of an effort – That’s the power of routines.

🙂

Before leaving you for today, I just confirm that I did do the homemade hummus yesterday. AND IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING. Soo good. You see? Another great thing that came out of me forcing myself to trying something new.

See you tomorrow, Fear facer,

/Alex