Routine #1 – The daily fear facing:

– The Ask

It’s early Sunday morning. Today I’m going to meet up with the girl I approached at the gym yesterday. That’s for sure today’s big fear facing action! However, I just warmed up as I texted her. I had two suggestions for what we could do today. First – go for a nice stroll on Kungsholmen, passing through a little flea market I knew off. Could always open for interesting conversations! Plus, it’s nice weather outside.

The second one was gutsier. There’s a boxing workout session at 13.00. I’d always wanted to try it out, but the excuse that I’d want someone to do it with me has held me back. But, for a first meeting that might be a bit… Don’t know, but I identified it as a fear, so that meant I had to ask. We’ll see what she says!

Quick reply –  It’s the stroll just after lunch. That means I ‘ve got time for a workout. Let’s make it a fear facing one?

– The workout.

If you saw my video last Sunday I shared my love-hate relationship with dancing. When I’m immersed in it and are one with the beat – it’s one of the greatest experiences. But when my head is running the show, it’s a different story. But I’ve decided to bring more moving and dancing into my life, owe it to myself. I’m going to trust the process of being uncomfortable a whole lot before getting to a state were the moments of joy are more than the painful ones.

So, in the spirit of this, I decided to check if there were any dancing group classes. I looked at the Friskis & Svettis group schemes and they had a “medium gymnastics”-thingy at 09.00. But the guy having this one mostly do dancing routines throughout the 50-minute session. Fear identified. Or I should say Fears.

When it comes to training, there’s always an alternative cost for me. I can always do the strength lifting. Which I love but is very comfortable in terms of “I know what I get”. So, I’m giving that up for a training session which might be “lighter”. I have this idea of training having to be really hard. At least this is the story my mind keeps trying to make me buy into for not trying new workouts. I didn’t buy it today. I signed up 5 minutes before it got started.

When I entered the training room I could see about 50-60 people in there. 95% ladies. 5% guys, all over 45. Another story my mind tries to tell me, is how these group sessions are uncool and unmanly. I know this isn’t the case. To me being “a real man” is about being myself and daring to express that. Daring to be vulnerable.

I want to dance, hence I’m going to do it. HOWEVER, it doesn’t stop my mind from bombarding me with these shitty thoughts in a last effort to get out of it. I’m in, and I’m staying. Period. You need your awareness and sound thinking to call your bluffs and don’t let them impact your decisions. Awareness – practice it through journaling, meditation or doing this!

It was a great workout. Had moments of pure joy when I was one with the beat of the music and the movements of the body. The feeling of unity and belonging to a group of people moving synchronized and sharing sweat and laughter – that’s powerful.

But mostly I’m proud over how I effectively deflected the negative self-judging thoughts throughout the session. And of course, for facing my fears and going down there and doing it. More of this to come!

– The walk and talk

I felt good about meeting up with her. Nice workout, nice mood, nice weather, and why not top this day off with hanging out with a nice girl! Not really that nervous either since I’d felt we connected well.

But still, some fears present. Some emotions flying around inside of me. I mean, I don’t do these things every week. The good thing about having too many things going on in your life is that you don’t always have time to overthink and get worrisome. Time really can be your greatest enemy,  or the lack of it your best.

I was one minute late when I came around the corner where I’d expected here to be.  Yepp. There she was. Her hair let out and a red Fjällräven backpack lighting up her presence. She was looking into the window of the ÖoB store, dangling with her arms. Looked like she was a bit restless. Good setup for a walk n’ talk! She turned around and saw me, big smile. I smiled back. Right there and then I knew we were going to have a good time.

Routine #2 Doing new things:

– Hummus clean up

I have to come clean. Yesterday I wrote the whole thing about me doing my own homemade Hummus, before actually doing it! I’d know I do it If I wrote it. It’s like visualization practices, but even more powerful. However, I totally forgot about it! So instead, that’s what’s going down in my kitchen today.

…it’s late evening now and I still haven’t done it. Damn. Well, guess I know what I’m doing after posting on this one!

Almost every Sunday for more then 2,5 years I’ve been posting a video, no exception today:

What Fear facing moments & New things are happening in your life today??

See you tomorrow,

/Alex

 Routine #1 – The daily fear facing:

– Walked up and looked fear in her eyes

Haha… I feel great! This is the power of momentum. There’s no way I would have done what I just did if I hadn’t gone out talking to people yesterday. No way. You see I have some previous BAD experience of approaching people, well girls, at the gym. So, I stopped doing that after 1-2 tries like 2 years ago. The last one ended with quite the rejection and an emotional scar, so I decided I wouldn’t interpret in the holy context of the workout anymore!

ANYWAYS, I was in the middle of my strength workout routine (real pushy leg workout which was a long fear facing moment in itself) when I saw this very nice-looking girl that smiled in this amazing way. When someone smile and put out good vibes like that – I can’t help myself. I have to look.

I felt a bit creepy looking over once and then. But got damn, couldn’t help myself. That smile!

The thing is that she was in a group workout, dancing and jumping around. A big glass wall in between me and her. I imagined that we had eye contact a couple of times. Time passed, and they did their thing while I did mine.

I was quite sure I wasn’t going to do anything about it. Having my rule in mind. But then their music stopped. My heart started to beat faster, as my body had somehow all along had this plan to go do it. Had my subconscious started to work favourably for me? The part that usually holds me back with all its shitty stories and cover-ups to not do what I should? When I think about, I still had thoughts telling me not to, but it was like the fear facing implemented routine took over.

She came out of the door. I felt myself letting go of my weights even though I was in the middle of a set. I wasn’t running the show, it just happened. I was somehow, without questioning my action, walking with determined steps towards her.

“Hi there. I just have to excuse myself for keep looking over at you like that. Couldn’t help myself!”

She smiled and said something I can’t recall. I asked for her name and shook her hand. She had a familiar accent. She wasn’t’ from around. Originally at least.

“Anyways, what were you up to in there? You did all kinds of wired stuff, and you kept laughing and smiling!”

Paraphrasing here. It’s a bit blurry. Even though I wasn’t that particularly scared to be truthful.

She instantly smiled up and started talking. Sending me all good vibes. We chatted some and I asked what her deal was being here in Stockholm and all. Turned out she moved here like a month ago. New in town – perfect opportunity to get to know strangers. The strangers being me!

To make a short  3-minute story even shorter – I asked if she wanted to hang out tomorrow. She said yes, and now that’s the plan!

The whole thing made me feel not only really good about meeting her, but the self-esteem boost – damn. And the proof of concept from pushing on with this daily fear facing routine. So proud.

                          What a great start of this day and I haven’t even had breakfast yet!

Routine #2 – Do a new thing every day:

– Cooking Win

Made my own hummus. Yummy! I’m experimenting some with cooking more vegan food. Well I have for some time. Still eat the meat though, although I’m not allowing myself to buy any when I’m in the grocery store, but in all other contexts it’s alright. I got a hunting dad for instance, so I can fill the freezer up with his prays occasionally. The whole thing has forced me to learn how to cook with a range of new foods. Forcing me to try new things – love it!

    What fears are you facing today?

See you tomorrow, Fear facer,

/Alex

On today’s fear facing action list:

– Scary movie!

Ahh first of I just have to say, what an afternoon and an evening! All thanks to some fear facing I decided to put myself up to. Just came back from watching BlackKklansman. Decided to buy two tickets and go out there and ask a stranger to join me! How it went? Well, you’ll just have to wait and see for your self in the Sunday video I’ll release!

– Dare to show unfinished material

It’s a free eBook called 5 steps to Finding your workflow which I recently read. In one of its sections, the author Nathan Lozeron talks about the implications of being a perfectionist and how it’s rooted in fear. How the fear of other people’s judgement makes us strive for perfection. He goes on making the case how this behaviour is a time waster and that we should get feedback when we’re only 20% into a project. At this stage there’s usually enough to make an early judgement if it’s heading in the right direction or not.

“Perfection is flawlessness. Excellence is the constant improvement of flaws.”

– Nathan Lozeron

So here follows a learning of mine in the context of what I’ve just mentioned. This was last night.

It’s 21:05 and I’m standing, or sitting, in the fear right now. I just sent a very early draft of a video I’ve done for a friend. But in a business context. Really tough for me to do this, as the perfectionist I am.

I am sitting here waiting for the feedback right now. I sent it like 7-8 minutes ago. It’s only 2 minutes long, so he should be done watching it by now. Wait. I can see how he is writing in facebook messenger, the “…” bar is lightning up. Oh, it disappeared, that means he deleted what he first wrote. This can’t be good.

Feedback. Total shit. And I get it. It was a very early draft, more to show the flow and choice of music. But I really got the white balance way off. Which I’ve known all along since I first opened the material up after the shot. But I had started to ignore this, or not dealt with it. After all, it’s been almost three weeks since I filmed it. Told myself I figure out a way to colour correct it later. This is emotionally very tough for me. I feel ashamed. Physically hurts within.

He called. We talked it out it. Feel better about it now. A lot of hours in the garbage bin in terms of output. Unless I learn some bad as colour correction skills. However, In learnings – totally different story. I’ve learnt not only the technical implications of using my camera, but the biggest learning is that I need to get comfortable with sharing and taking in feedback early in the process.

I’ve been working (very slowly though) with this edit for 3 weeks. If I would have just dared to show some of the footage straight away, that would have saved hours and hours of time. And equally much anxiety. This really is a big learning. BIG LEARNING.

Making mistakes should hurt. That’s when we really learn from them. At least if we’re mentally mature enough to process it in an objective way. Otherwise, we run the risk of creating emotional scars that hinder us from going at it again. What a shitty thing to say – when is that the case? Hard to tell, but when you have grown your self-esteem enough – you can deal with most shit!

My processing went like this; I haven’t done any real big mistakes in quite some time. That means I’ve been playing it too safe. This is a nice little reference point to look back at. My life didn’t end, even though my mind made it feel like that for a second. It grew. Because I choose too. Because I’ve imprinted so many times in my mind that through facing my fears, through failing a lot, that’s when the growth happens.

However, the two are completely separated things. Fears and output that is. I focus on the process of dealing with the fear of doing something and try to let the output of it get less attention. The latter is not important in the context of building the fear facing muscle. That’s a universal skill we apply in all life areas. I threw myself into this project knowing it most likely could go horribly wrong, because it was out of my skill range. So, in terms of facing my fears, I did great. I identified the fear and went for it even though it scared the crap out of me.

In terms of the video making, I did poorly if you look at the output. But even here I did well if we focus on the learning process of developing a certain skill. In this case – video making. I’ve had to research and learn what went wrong and now have a deeper understanding of it. If I just by luck had managed to get a good output, then the learning from what went wrong wouldn’t have been the same. And today I will go all nerdy on colour correction, maybe it can be saved!

Life is what you make of it, you decide how to interpret what has happened. You decide how to react and how to move forward from here. What good does blame or shaming do but to use up energy you could spend in actions moving forward. As Nathaniel Branden says in the six pillars of self-esteem:

“I am responsible for my choices and actions. To be ‘responsible’ in this context means responsible not as the recipient of moral blame or guilt, but responsible as the chief causal agent in my life and behavior.”

So this one got a bit lengthy, and probably a bit confusing. Might revise it tomorrow, too late for that now!

– Live stream

And yeah, if you want to have a look at another one of my fears I faced today – check out the Friday live stream I did!

See you tomorrow, Fear facer,

/Alex

On today’s fear facing action list:

– Being my true self 

09.00: Back at the Office after a few days of working from home. Reminding myself of this week’s theme of being assertive and standing up for myself. However, this is turning out to be a bit of a challenge as I’ve lost some of my momentum being isolated for a couple of days. Also, still not having that energy level fully back yet. Need to remind myself – Speak clearly, speak with conviction, speak your mind, be yourself. BOM. Now let’s work.

10.30: Was just asked for an opinion regarding a layout design. Spoke my mind. Especially when people ask for my opinion, I tend to hold back when there are people “above my pay grade”. But with ” speak your mind, speak your mind, speak your mind” running in the back of my head, I spoke truthfully after a “holding back” start. Liberating.

13.30: Welcome out Alex. I get more and more relaxed in expressing myself as the day progresses. It makes it easier to have fun with people and express my sense of humour. This is how it should be. But you get out of this state. It’s a fresh good. You need to keep reminding yourself, of being yourself. That’s the way to live.

16:00: I’ve had my share amount of working hours for the week. But I had also promised to come into the office to take some pictures and write a text for a mingle lunch event. I should be home resting get in well. Dilemma. Creative thinking – the new guy that I’ve heard loves his camera and I know are hungry for doing what I do. Can I…? Fear identified – outsource your task. It doesn’t break any moral codes or values of mine. He can gather the data and take some photos, send it over to me and I can put it together. Now I have to do it, take action. BOM –  problem solved.

17:00 walking home from the office. Tiered and exhausted after a long day. Feel like connecting with a random person. That always makes me happy and filled with energy. Nice view at the bridge I’m walking at…. A woman approaching. I want to ask her… It’s a bit weird. Fear identified – I want to be able to talk to anyone anywhere, at any given time. Like right now. Now I have to do it.

“Excuse me. Hi, I was wondering if you could take a picture at me?”

The nice Woman, I think her name was Pernilla, smiled and said yes. Took a photo. Made my best try-not-to-be-awkward-smile. I thanked her and then asked how her day was and chatted some. She was really nice and we had fun. She smiled and was happy, I smiled and were happy. Nothing big, but it made me feel good.  Connecting with people. It’s about the small things. Daily,

New thing(s):

• Listened to Disney music while walking home to get in a good mood. Nice, really nice!

What fears have you been facing today?

See you tomorrow,  fear facer,

/Alex

Just a regular fear facing Wednesday!

Okay, not all that regular. Been sitting indoors working from home two days in a row now. Caught a nasty cold that doesn’t bring out the best of me, nor the most fearful actions.

However, as I’ve said before. The most important thing is that you keep the routine, and by that the momentum, going! Low bar, high frequency.

On today’s fear facing action list:

– Wrote a comment to the CEO

We have like a Facebook flow on our internal company page and he had written something. Intuitively I started writing a question to him. But as I wrote my brain started doubting myself. “it’s a stupid question. You can ask somebody else, don’t waste important peoples time”. Ding ding ding – Fear Radar alert!

I’m not going to buy into my shitty stories. Now I must write even if it would be stupid. VIP intimidates me. They shouldn’t. They should inspire and get me hungry. I should want to talk to them. Posted the comment. Really nothing big per se, but what it stood for was big.

– Tinder responsibility  

I’ve been Tindering with a girl, I suggested that we should go on a fika. She said yes. Seems really nice. Then I haven’t opened the app in like four days. I’ve been telling myself it’s so I don’t have to get distracted by my phone. But reflecting upon it today, I also realised that part of the reason is to avoid having to go on that date. It scares me. So I opened it and wrote to her again.

– Ice Ice baby 

Yesterday I wrote about pushing my cold shower time some. Took it even further today and also brushed my teeth while doing it. Don’t know if this is the smartest move while already having got a cold.

New thing(s):

– Cashew mania

Tried not having any real food for dinner. Instead only cashews! I’ve for a long time had an issue with making the evening dinner this holy thing, spending way too much time on it. Plus, I bunkered up with 7,5 kilos of cashews. That’s 45 000 kcal! I’ve got some nuts to eat! ?

What fears have you been facing today?

 See you tomorrow, fear facer,

/Alex

On today’s Fear facing action list we’ve got:

– The call

Called my boss and told him I was going to work from home, still sick. It still always scares me to make these phone calls, especially when I have to deliver “excuses”. My creative worst-case scenario brain always shapes a totally plausible reality to buy into – of course, the people I’m telling these things to think I’m lying. That I’m a bluff that only tries to do as little as possible.

I know I’m not that person, and that should be enough. But it’s not that easy.

However, when you say these things out loud, when you make yourself aware of the nonsense, you remove some of its power. If they don’t trust me, If they don’t believe me, then they’re no good to me anyways. As long as I live according to my moral values and standards and do what I believe is right, everything is alright.

– Doing what needs to be done

I have a big presentation coming up in Croatia in a couple of weeks. Ironically enough I’m going to be speaking about facing fears, yet I’m avoiding preparing for it like the plague because it scares me so much. To procrastinate is 100 % equal to run away from your fears. So I scheduled out 4 hours and sat down and did it (when I write this, I’m just about to get started. See you on the other side)

40 min in – It’s tough, really tough. My mind constantly tries to escape this place. All the time. I need to be aware of my reactive wandering brain. although I do get into moments of flow. My brain does not want to be in this uncomfortable place, it wants certainty. Food. Youtube. Food. Instagram. Facebook. Food. It wants to liberate me of the workload.

1,5 hours in – it’s getting better. Wander between moments of hell and amazing flow.

3 hours in – I’m enjoying it. I’ve got some momentum now. It’s a feeling of moving towards the end goal that makes me like it, but also the process of writing of creating something good. We must learn how to enjoy the process. Learn how to stand in the fear. Because it is only then we can realise that it has no real power over us. It’s all in our head. It’s only then we can make it sustainable. Either that, or make it such a deeply implemented routine that it eventually just happens automatically.

4 hours – I’m done! Not with everything, but for know. I’m almost intrigued to keep going. So proud, so energized, so, so..  Once again I proved that facing my fears was the exact thing I really needed to do. Another reference case to look back at. I could have so easily fallen into a reactive state, doing some low hanging fruit work tasks and being left with the anxiety of not having done what I should have done.

“To procrastinate is 100 % equal to run away from your fears”

– Me

New thing(s) – Doing something I haven’t done in at least 30 days

– Intermittent fasting

Use to do a whole lot of intermittent fasting, but lately, I’ve experimented with starting eating breakfast again. I don’t like my new habit and I havn’t done any real fasting for 30 days know. Or well I love the eating part, but it takes energy and focus from me. And I believe in the health benefits of the fast. But going back to being real hungry again is scary. Even though I know it’ll past if I just dare to stand in it, embrace it. Just like the fear. I warmed up yesterday with a 12 hour fast, and today I did a 16 hour fast. Loved it. More of it coming

 See you tomorrow, #fearfacer,

/Alex

MONDAY – love em, so much potential for yet another amazing memorable week!

This week’s fear facing theme is to stand up for myself, speak my opinions and express my true genuine self – being assertive and living with integrity “words and behaviour match”. I talked about this in the Friday live video)

If you have a focus and are determined to follow through on this, it’s hard not to. Or I should say it’s hard not to try really hard at least. So throughout my day, in conversations with colleagues and bosses, I’ve had this in the back of my head and I’ve reminded myself every time I’ve looked in the bathroom mirror. Focus.

So, how did it go? Well, It’s been a great day. It’s been uncomfortable for sure, but it’s been a great day.  I’ve connected with people, I’ve dared to speak my opinion and I’ve dared to say no to things in situations I otherwise wouldn’t. The boost you get in self-esteem by living your true self is just…

But, I know it’s not easy. It’s really not. Although it for sure is easier when you have the fear facing muscle warmed up and some momentum. Which I have. Which you also can attain if you implement a daily fear facing routine. Not gonna nag, you do whatever you want!

Besides all these mini pushes, we also have this on today’s fear facing action list:

• I sought eye contact with a cute girl while walking to work, and held it and smiled. She looked away. I kept looking. I kept smiling. She looked back. I smiled on the inside.
• I moved a scheduled meeting for next week to the end of this week instead. A scary one, and I identified that I felt that way. I knew it would be better for me to face that fear sooner rather than later so I took action. Unless specific competencies need to be developed, this is my praxis for fear facing actions. Do it as soon as possible.
• I went into a grocery store to buy tomatoes. Ended up talking for a couple of minutes with a very cute cashier. I liked her. She was cute. I told her that. She smiled, blushed, and said thank you. I walked away. Top moment of the day.

NEW THING (S):

• I worked with the in-house design team at the office today as they needed some help. Haven’t worked with these people before. Loved it, and the 13-hour work day went by just like that with loads of smiles, laughter and a feeling of having contributed. The people you work with matters so much to the experience of what you do.
• Used my Raincoat I haven’t worn in ages. Love it! Don’t underestimate the small changes.

This was it for today, see you tomorrow.

“A young man sits alone in the darkness of a movie theater, deeply inspired by the drama unfolding before him. The story touches him so deeply that tears come to his eyes. He knows that in a week or so he will want to come back and see this film again. In the lobby he spots a friend who was at the same screening, and they greet each other. He searches his friend’s face for clues to his feelings about the movie; but the face is blank. The friend inquires, “How’d you like the picture?” The young man feels an instant stab of fear; he does not want to appear “uncool.” He does not want to say the truth-“I loved it. It touched me very deeply.” So instead he shrugs indifferently and says, “Not bad.” He does not know that he has just slapped his own face; or rather, he does not know it consciously. His diminished self-esteem knows it.”

-Nathaniel Branden, the Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.

Happy Sunday!

On today’s fear facing list we have:

• Posting my vulnerable YouTube video

This one is quite tough for me to share – because it really puts me in a vulnerable position since so many of my friends are a part of it. Strangers are easier, less investment, less to lose. But the fact is that what I say in the video, is what went down in my head.

The only reason I’m sharing this is because I know that I’m not alone, and I know that very fact can be supportive and inspiring to other people. Yet it’s so hard to talk about, but it’s the only way forward. I know it, you know it.

• Did a 40-minute Guided Meditation session by Joe Dispenza

Fear of meditation? Yes, sitting down and being “unproductive” is one of scariest things I know of. I’d been wanting to try this particular one out since my friend had really pushed for it. I came up with excuses and never got around to it. Until a really good opportunity emerged today and I still talked myself out of it. BUT then my fear radar went bananas. If I didn’t do it now, when would I do it? Everything was perfect, yet it scared me so much that I made up all kinds of stories to not. I identified the fear, defined the action and then executed. Tricked myself into it.

“okay you only have to do the first five minutes of it, then it’s REALLY okay to turn it off.”

It ended up being one of the most profound & spiritual moments in my life. That shit is crazy. But only if you’re susceptible to it. I was.

This is also part of why I avoid getting into the details of Meditation, you simply don’t grasp the greatness of it until you started to experience some of it yourself. And getting all wired about it scares people away – which I don’t wanna do. Hence I just say, trust the process and find out for yourself.

New Thing(s):

• Took an hour to learn new colour correction skills.

So glad I invested time in this, will save me a bunch in the long run and enable me to be more creative with my videos.

My video:

Another great day of growth! What did you do today?

See you tomorrow, #FearFacer

/Alex

Greetings Fear Facers!

Thought I’d start mini-blogging again. Nothing big, just report my daily fear facing actions. Why? Well, It’s spelt accountability, and it’s one of the greatest weapons in our personal development arsenal. I’ve committed to doing daily fear facing. It’s part of my three daily routines

– fear facing, meditation, and doing something new.

The key is having a low bar so we manage to execute even on those shitty days. It’s about getting the momentum and keeping it. We all know how hard it is to get started. So, let’s keep that to a minimum.

Todays fears 2018-09-15:

– Turned off my phone and stayed off the social media sites

The biggest fear and insight of the day is how incredibly addicted I am to my phone. Last week really has been crazy, so I challenged myself to be without it for a day. To let go of the certainty and source of entrainment it serves the reactive me with. Always at hand. Fleeing from reality because it’s scary, uncomfortable, boring, or just not what I want it to be. But letting go of our drugs is so uncomfortable.  It’s a deep fear of mine, just as is food. The first step is to identify the fear, then to accept it, before taking action. This action made me have the best day in terms of insights in a long time.

–          I flirted with a cashier for a couple of minutes ( top moment of the day ) –          I bargained for some avocados and bananas NOTE: I’ve been sick for a couple of days and really didn’t have much energy when I went out for a walk today doing these things. ?

New Thing:

– Went into a new China supermarket store I found + the whole phone thing.

“Progress, not perfection”

Denzel Washington in The Equalizer. Yepp.

Have a lovely evening,

/Alex

Facing our fears is the path towards freedom – at least if you ask Casey Neistat ( and me off course ). So in this video, I share some of his best tips on approaching fears and how that relates to life & freedom, WHILE also sharing my little Fear Facing adventure.  MY QUEST TOWARDS A FREE LIFE.

#FREEDOM #FACINGFEARS #GROWINGSELFESTEEM

What fear facing actions are you going to take this week:)? Commit to me in the comments!

/Alexander