Hey guys, in this latest video I’m going to teach you how to handle your social fears and repetitively push through that wall of anxiety and enable you to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere and enjoy the heck out of it even if fails miserably.
I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where you’ve wanted to talk to an attractive person or maybe telling a boss or a college what you truly want to say, but the lack of social confidence and the fear of what people might think and say, got you mute. Perhaps this has happened so many times that you’re now not even considering doing these things any more.
“Oh cute girl. That’s nice”
Imagine instead a future version of yourself, where you speak and acted as that confident secure person that you have the potential to be, the kind of person that knows what he wants and therefore goes after exactly that. Imagine what a different kind of life you could be living. The persons you’d meet, the experiences you’d have, not to mention the great affect it would have on your career. It’s all possible.
If you start doing what I’m about to tell you, I can promise you that you’ll gradually move towards facing all of your social fears – actually making you addicted to go after these situations. But so why should you trust some random YouTuber?
You see I’m just a guy so hungry for personal growth, I have big dreams, I have goals I want to achieve, I don’t want to live an ordinary life, I want it all the great life! But as an introvert with varying degrees of social anxiety, this won’t come easy to me. So, I sat out to figure this out.
And the solution came to be to develop a high level of self-esteem and doing these Facing fears aka Rejection therapy challenges (credit to Jia Jiang – check him out: https://www.youtube.com/user/DukieAjah ). It’s a never-ending journey I’m pursuing daily. I feel obligated to share my learnings, and help you make the same progress. Not saying it’s going to be an easy journey for you – heck
I’ve been doing these social fear challenges for over about 20 weeks now, with varying results in terms of the interaction. But most of the times a win in terms of facing my fears and building social confidence and self-esteem. And the repetitive action has started to grow into what’s well on it’s way to transform into an autonomous habit.
So how do we do this? The idea of it is very simple, the execution not so much.
My growth process is divided into two different overall steps, one being these social fears/ rejection therapy challenges, one being deep self-esteem work with the help of the book the six pillars of self-esteem. This method I’m presenting with your right now is all about the facing fears methodology. Which is the one leading to the most direct result – but benefit so much from the other practices. I have tons of other videos talking about the book, but for now focus on this!
So facing fear challenges means that we are to expose ourself to a social situation with a specific question, request or action in mind that puts you out of your comfort zone!
AND THERE IS ONLY TOW RULES WE NEED TO PLAY BY:
The action/request/question need to align with your goals, values or beliefs! if you go out and do something just to get rejected, but it interferes with your moral or what you believe in, it will decrease your self-esteem. AND THE SECOND RULE IS THAT you’re not allowed to lie! Own the situation; tell the exact reason for why you’re doing what you’re doing, then try to manipulate your way to a yes. Honesty is key to building self-esteem
High likelihood of getting Rejected / Fail? It doesn’t matter – it’s a win as long as you pull the trigger! It’s context dependent and you should gradually push yourself further and further out of your comfort zone.
The result is that we desensitize ourselves from getting turned downed, rejected and controlled by our thoughts and emotions. We want to create a new association to the feeling we get inside of us when a scary idea/thought pops up. A new association that makes us think – from eventually more and more experience – that it will be a thrilling, exciting little add to our day, that moves us forward in life!
The Magic of this is that we not only teach ourselves to face our fears -get the actual proof that we survive every interaction – and getting used to taking rejection from people also increase our self-esteem by doing these challenges. But that is only true If we design them so that align with your values beliefs or goals, as the first rule state. Simply living our true selves and going after the things we want in life is the number one action you can take to build self-esteem.
In the beginning, it was dreadful, but I pushed through and I did it. And gradually, as I kept doing these challenges, I started to create this fear-win habit loop. And even though it’s not all on autopilot for me yet, it’s starting to get there (The Habit Loop = link that explains the theory).
Now don’t get me wrong, the fear doesn’t disappear, at least not for me, but the fear starts to works as a trigger – a cue – for us that makes our dopamine craving brain shine up like a firework on New Year’s Eve. You see the fear gets the que that we should start doing our routine off pushing through the fear so we can get to the reward, that emended sense of proudness, for doing what we sat out to do. This only works if we follow the basic rules,
ONE EASY TIP I’M GONNA GIVE YOU to help – the five second rule
So for me I put up these weekly challenges, monday through Friday, and this week ( and the one after that) I’m going to be doing one social fear every day. The challenges will be unspecified this time, that means I’m going to look for opportunities throughout the day and act when I see one. This requires awareness and being alert to the surrounding. An easier way is to plan ahead, it could for instance be talking to one girl each day, or asking five random people for the time. It’s all dependent on where you are right now, the important thing is that you push yourself out of your comfort zone.
So you decide what level you want to take this to! I’d love to hear your story down there in the comments, and if f you want that extra push, make sure to commit to be, and you’ll think twice before bailing on yourself!
I’ll be posting some girl approaches in the week, so make sure to subscribe so you wont miss the next video!
My name is alexander, thank you for watching and thank you for beingn awesome. Bye guys.