Routine #1 – The daily fear facing:
– Walked up and looked fear in her eyes
Haha… I feel great! This is the power of momentum. There’s no way I would have done what I just did if I hadn’t gone out talking to people yesterday. No way. You see I have some previous BAD experience of approaching people, well girls, at the gym. So, I stopped doing that after 1-2 tries like 2 years ago. The last one ended with quite the rejection and an emotional scar, so I decided I wouldn’t interpret in the holy context of the workout anymore!
ANYWAYS, I was in the middle of my strength workout routine (real pushy leg workout which was a long fear facing moment in itself) when I saw this very nice-looking girl that smiled in this amazing way. When someone smile and put out good vibes like that – I can’t help myself. I have to look.
I felt a bit creepy looking over once and then. But got damn, couldn’t help myself. That smile!
The thing is that she was in a group workout, dancing and jumping around. A big glass wall in between me and her. I imagined that we had eye contact a couple of times. Time passed, and they did their thing while I did mine.
I was quite sure I wasn’t going to do anything about it. Having my rule in mind. But then their music stopped. My heart started to beat faster, as my body had somehow all along had this plan to go do it. Had my subconscious started to work favourably for me? The part that usually holds me back with all its shitty stories and cover-ups to not do what I should? When I think about, I still had thoughts telling me not to, but it was like the fear facing implemented routine took over.
She came out of the door. I felt myself letting go of my weights even though I was in the middle of a set. I wasn’t running the show, it just happened. I was somehow, without questioning my action, walking with determined steps towards her.
“Hi there. I just have to excuse myself for keep looking over at you like that. Couldn’t help myself!”
She smiled and said something I can’t recall. I asked for her name and shook her hand. She had a familiar accent. She wasn’t’ from around. Originally at least.
“Anyways, what were you up to in there? You did all kinds of wired stuff, and you kept laughing and smiling!”
Paraphrasing here. It’s a bit blurry. Even though I wasn’t that particularly scared to be truthful.
She instantly smiled up and started talking. Sending me all good vibes. We chatted some and I asked what her deal was being here in Stockholm and all. Turned out she moved here like a month ago. New in town – perfect opportunity to get to know strangers. The strangers being me!
To make a short 3-minute story even shorter – I asked if she wanted to hang out tomorrow. She said yes, and now that’s the plan!
The whole thing made me feel not only really good about meeting her, but the self-esteem boost – damn. And the proof of concept from pushing on with this daily fear facing routine. So proud.
What a great start of this day and I haven’t even had breakfast yet!
Routine #2 – Do a new thing every day:
– Cooking Win
Made my own hummus. Yummy! I’m experimenting some with cooking more vegan food. Well I have for some time. Still eat the meat though, although I’m not allowing myself to buy any when I’m in the grocery store, but in all other contexts it’s alright. I got a hunting dad for instance, so I can fill the freezer up with his prays occasionally. The whole thing has forced me to learn how to cook with a range of new foods. Forcing me to try new things – love it!
What fears are you facing today?
See you tomorrow, Fear facer,