Yeah, it comes and goes. Usually, it presents itself when I don’t know what to do. Like the emptiness after having finished a project and not yet decided what the next thing will be to throw
Today really was one of these days. I’ve felt great ever since I got up at around 4.30. Had a super productive morning, great workout and even better day at the office. Then back home again, kind of collapsed and got filled up with this grey cloud of anxiety. Just because slowing down and allowing myself to bread, because that slow down also allowed my crooked thoughts to spread like the plague. It’s like I HAVE to be in constant movement to not let the bad thoughts keep up with me. Which to some extent is really good since it makes me quite productive (and I genuinely love that), but it’s horrible in terms of having a healthy work-life balance. But realizing this is also very powerful, having that self-awareness. For that I’m grateful. Because it means I can try to fix it. Will fix it.
In the short term perspective, I just did. 15 minutes ago I was standing in the kitchen feeling like shit. Paused, and realised I was and asked myself why? No clear answer. Honestly, don’t know at this point. It’s like hormonal imbalance. So I then dared myself to just try to be happy and do the things that make me happy. First of I just forced myself to smile and jumped around some. Took some salsa steps (the third lesson coming up this week!). That got me started.
Then I asked what I could do more to change my mood? I thought back to my intense daily blog post period. I liked that, it forced me to some deeper self-reflection and it made me maintain my daily habits of facing fears and trying something new – daily. So I thought, why not get back to that. At least this week. Nothing long, just stating those three things I used to. Daily fear; Daily New thing; Daily Fail-learning. For my sake, because history told me it worked. Because it forced me to actually do it throughout my days too and it made me feel proud when I summarized it in the blog by the end of the day.
Today’s fear action: I got back to the girl that stood me up this weekend for the date we had planned. She didn’t answer, but at least I made an effort!
Todays New thing: Learned how to scald almonds ( I have a 2,5 kg bag of almonds covered with a salt and
Todays Fail-Learn: I need to eat more evenly throughout my days. I was all dizy at the gym and light-headed at work beacuse I only had a 350 kcal meal for the entire day until I got home. And that’s after an intense 1-hour workout early in the morning. I keep tricking myself into making my twisted relationship to food contiune. But today I really took in how I felt and relaized I can’t do that to myself no more! Not like that hasn’t happened before, but I have the drive to change things for real now as I’m reading the book DIRTY GENES. Makes me focus on what I’ll gain from fixing things, instead of what I’ll lose. Which most approaches to fixing bad habits have a tendency to do.
Ah, what do you know, now I actually, honestly feel proud and great about this evening. Thanks for listening. See you tomorrow, fear facer,