Today’s fear facing: Tougher climate in the consultant business these days, at least for our company. I’ve been fortunate enough to have a combined work role where I got spend 25% of my time doing content creation and marketing. Today I had a tough conversation with my boss which meant that thing had to change. So, long story short. If we don’t find an assignment that feels very “right” to me before the end of March, I’m going to take at least 6 months off. Scary ass thing to say, because all of the sudden it’s so real. Even though it’s something I’ve both spoken of and wanted to do for a long time now. But when it’s really out there… Damn.

Some times you need to burn your ships in order to make that real change happen. And I know change is what I truly want. Need. It’s just that big change like this is so gotdamn scary. I also know that I’d tell anyone else feeling like that “then you know you’re on to something good”.

This whole thing created an emotional explosion within as soon as the meeting was over. So many thoughts and feelings rushing through my head. Typing it all out helped some, but not all that much, to be frank. One second happy and thrilled, the other filled with anxiety and fear. It was so interesting observing. Instantly my mind just started screaming like crazy for food. “eat Alex, eat.”. Yeah, it’s my get-away-from-realty-drug.

The best-worst thing was that I had my fourth salsa lesson coming up in the late afternoon. Worst because I always dread it, fear it. It’s the last thing I want to do since dancing doesn’t come easy for me. I have to think. Hard. Which is also my biggest problem. Yet, when I’m there and have made it through half the lesson and kind of taken in the new moves, I enjoy it so much. So much! To get the chance to dance with some ladies, for a Munk like me, is just lovely. Totally got present-oriented and was forced to let go of what had occupied my mind throughout the day. A much-needed mind reset.

Today’s new thing: Well, I learnt some new salsa moves and danced with some ladies I hadn’t danced with before! Also having a really scary conversation like that was a long time since. I know I’m just repeating what I wrote up there, but in lack of better things in a tiered state like this, I’m doing the best of what I’ve got… ;). But honestly, starting a beginners salsa lesson is one of the best things I’ve done. Truly needed that! Both in terms of facing fears, but also doing new things and breaking my old repetetive routine life.

Today’s Fail-learn: During one of my in-the-search-for-smiles-videos I did during last December, I asked a girl at the gym for a smile. And she was just such a joyful person that I couldn’t help but to love her! At least to the point that I felt it would be nice to talk some more with her! So my mission this week has been to ask if he wanted to grab a cup of coffee/tee some day. Two times I’ve seen her, and two times I’ve failed my self. I’ve promised myself to NOT make that misstake if she’s at the gym tomorrow. Not another fail on my watch, yesterday Alex. Tomorrow, we’ll see how it goes.

A heads up for tomorrows fear facing. Haven’t done any live streaming on my Youtube channel in some time. Tought it went horrible the last time and created a bit of an emotional scar. So, I know what I have to do tomorrow!

See you then, Fear facer

/alex